Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, December 16, 2008
Sex Virgin Mary Finally Gets Playboy Cover
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Dec 16, 2008 at 12:21 PM
So what did it take… over 2000 years? But FINALLY the world's hottest virgin makes the cover of Mexican Playboy magazine. Model Maria Florencia Onori (who's undoubtedly a virgin herself… otherwise why choose her?) stars as the Virgin Mary, and after seeing a copy, God responded, "Dude… I'd totally tap that."
2
Ohhh it's so funny...
Now, let's see if you guys are so respectful to print those famous cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad.
Now, let's see if you guys are so respectful to print those famous cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad.
3
Not that impressed. Besides, I heard she got knocked up and told her fiancee that somebody else was the father.
7
ooooh, i got a bad feeling about this. we are already supposed to hate mexicans for being poor, dirty, and occasionally illegal. this is just going to ice someone's crap cake. i predict a fox news fatwah.
8
The magazine that countless X-TIAN dads and boys will jerk their loads to and then feel guilt-free about it because, "Hey, it's not cheating!!!"
9
Why didn't Mudede post about this?
"When the mind imagines the soft cloth of light, the winter freezes the memory, the touch of the mother's lips is both erotic and uncouth. How, then, does the virgin child (figurative magazine Madonna) slip between the bones of a young boy? With a slack wetness of stars closing in, we rain blows upon the prison of our denim in a greased alcove. To Mexico we fly, to the embrace (vocal collapse) of the heavenly mother!"
"When the mind imagines the soft cloth of light, the winter freezes the memory, the touch of the mother's lips is both erotic and uncouth. How, then, does the virgin child (figurative magazine Madonna) slip between the bones of a young boy? With a slack wetness of stars closing in, we rain blows upon the prison of our denim in a greased alcove. To Mexico we fly, to the embrace (vocal collapse) of the heavenly mother!"
11
How can you tell? I can only see half of one; granted it's got that tell-tale circular shape indicative of an implant, but still...
14
I hear the Prophet's wife was severe hotness, not that it matters.
The easiest way to tell is the float test, actually (my brother-in-law is CFO of a breast implant manufacturer - they're great for putting a cup of hot coffee on ...)
The easiest way to tell is the float test, actually (my brother-in-law is CFO of a breast implant manufacturer - they're great for putting a cup of hot coffee on ...)
15
I prefer The Stranger's Dina Martina/Holy Mother blasphemous turkey carcass cover of a few years back...
21
In the spirit of this centerfold, and in the spirit of most of the posters here, I propose a Seattle-style Nativity Scene where two bulldyke lezbo Marys are buttfucking each other's pussies with big black dildoes while two gay faggot Josephs babyfuck Jesus in the manger and cram their dicks down His throat!
Meanwhile, two leatherdaddy bear gay angels buttfuck in the heavens while they piss golden showers of gay angel pee out of their homosexual dicks down from fag heaven, raining upon the Seattle-style Nativity Scene.
Then, each bulldyke lezbo Mary and faggot Joseph takes their buttplugs out of their respective anuses and they all take a big steaming shit right on top on that damn baby Jesus and make him eat the poopoo and then shove a shitty buttplug in His mouth for Him to use as a pacifier!
Then the two fag gay Josephs and the two fat spiky-haired scowling angry bulldyke lesbians take a big devil knife and disembowel Baby Jesus and make a big Pentagram out of His blood and guts and then they invoke Satan, while buttfucking and rolling around in Baby Jesus Guts!
Then after Satan comes and buttfucks them all and makes them all get a big Satan-Facial of Deviljizz, and he blows a huge Satanic load all over the dead, disemboweled Jeuus, then all the fag Josephs and dyke lezbo Marys wave around Rainbow Flags and Co-Exist bumperstickers while shouting "Down with White Privilege", and "Won't Someone Think About The People Of Color!!??!!"
That would be quite a hoo-ha and show those darn Christers a thing or two about how tolerant we are! I say!
Meanwhile, two leatherdaddy bear gay angels buttfuck in the heavens while they piss golden showers of gay angel pee out of their homosexual dicks down from fag heaven, raining upon the Seattle-style Nativity Scene.
Then, each bulldyke lezbo Mary and faggot Joseph takes their buttplugs out of their respective anuses and they all take a big steaming shit right on top on that damn baby Jesus and make him eat the poopoo and then shove a shitty buttplug in His mouth for Him to use as a pacifier!
Then the two fag gay Josephs and the two fat spiky-haired scowling angry bulldyke lesbians take a big devil knife and disembowel Baby Jesus and make a big Pentagram out of His blood and guts and then they invoke Satan, while buttfucking and rolling around in Baby Jesus Guts!
Then after Satan comes and buttfucks them all and makes them all get a big Satan-Facial of Deviljizz, and he blows a huge Satanic load all over the dead, disemboweled Jeuus, then all the fag Josephs and dyke lezbo Marys wave around Rainbow Flags and Co-Exist bumperstickers while shouting "Down with White Privilege", and "Won't Someone Think About The People Of Color!!??!!"
That would be quite a hoo-ha and show those darn Christers a thing or two about how tolerant we are! I say!
25
@9 I figured it was a C.M. post based on the picture, and then I noticed the absence of the sort of nonsense you've imitated here with....disturbing accuracy.
Is there a Charles Mudede Slog Post Generator somewhere?
Is there a Charles Mudede Slog Post Generator somewhere?
29
Playboy is for suckers. I just picked up the Mexican issue of Penthouse, which features a more raunchy pictorial of that famous whore St. Mary Magdalene.
30
If I knew where Maria was right now, I'd gambol on over and wrap the Shroud of Turin around her face for a minute to lighten the fuck up on her cosmetics a coupla ticks.
31
Hail Mary, Full of Sorrow, the Crucified is with Thee. Tearful art Thou amongst women and crucified is the Fruit of Thy Womb, Jesus. Tearful Mary, Mother of the Crucified, pray for us witness, juvenile, sophomoric fools and sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
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