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Monday, December 15, 2008

Savage Love Savage Love Letter of the Day

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 5:00 PM

I'm a 36 y.o. male who has been a drinker since the age of 10. Although I've (largely) avoided addiction issues, I'm confidently—for better or worse—alcoholic. What intrigues me is that, ever since I've had a libido, I've been strongly aroused by intoxicated females, especially if their manner suggests that they, too, have a complicated relationship with alcohol.

Now, I'm aware that intoxicated females draw their share of attention, but it seems to be exclusively either expedience (i.e. "they put out") or the "dirty drunken slut" bit. That's not what interests me. I'm interested in the sense of a kindred spirit that I've always experience as highly erotically charged. A little digging on the subject of paraphilias reveals a huge number, on almost every subject imaginable—except this. If accurate, I seem to be have a minority status to (for instance) those experiencing sexual attraction to amputees. Is this really that uncommon—even amongst fellow drunks?

I've reached a point in life where I'm comfortable with whatever my kink is, and I've debating whether to abandon my prior strategy of settling for non-alcoholics to minimize emotional baggage. (Incidentally, I find spring break, "look at my tits" poseur-drunks tiresome.)

Lusting Über Sotted Heroines

I couldn't agree with you more, LUSH, about those awful poseur drunks. They annoy the shit out of me too. I mean, any idiot can get herself blind-ass drunk once or twice a year. It takes real commitment and focus to get blind-ass drunk once or twice a day.

And you're certainly not alone in your preference for, or attraction to, shit-faced females, LUSH. Drunk ladies are popular wherever they go; a lot of straight men view transforming sober ladies into drunk ladies as their solemn responsibility. But few would interpret your interest/affliction as a paraphilia, LUSH, not even other men and women who are gripped by it. When two hard-core boozers get together—and I think it's best for all involved when hard-core boozers stick to boozers (and best for all involved if they get their asses sterilized first)—most drunks recognize boozing as a shared interest, something they have in common, and not a sexual fetish. Which is why, unlike the shit eaters and pony players, you haven't found a community online.

Comments (17) RSS

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Go to an unfamiliar dive bar and see who looks most like they've never been in that one either. That's the one who's riding that same edge as you tonight.

Posted by tomasyalba on December 15, 2008 at 5:17 PM

I'm not even sure I know what his problem/question is... Does he just want a female drinking buddy with a high libido?

Posted by Urgutha Forka on December 15, 2008 at 5:20 PM

Good advice @1.

Posted by Will in Seattle on December 15, 2008 at 5:39 PM

I don't think this guy is asking for help meeting alcoholic women. He wants someone to validate that he is as special as he thinks he is. That's the only question I see in there.

Posted by elenchos on December 15, 2008 at 5:53 PM

He's "special" indeed.

Posted by Sirkowski on December 15, 2008 at 7:20 PM

i think he's saying he abhors shallow drunken-ness, and craves deep, "complicated" drunken-ness in a woman. a committed, passionate drunken-ness, , an epic, even tragic inebriation, one that will last thru the ages. yeah, i think the dive bar suggestion @1 should do the trick.

Posted by ellarosa on December 15, 2008 at 7:37 PM

I was surprised that there is a whole porn industry devoted to "drunk chicks." To each his own people might say, but I I found that when I have been drunk I am more likely to take stupid chances that I would never do sober, not even do when I was stoned. (Which is why I don't get drunk).

I think this guy gets drunk because he thinks it washes away any guilt of taking advantage of some unlucky drunk girl. I think his denying that he goes after the Girls Gone Wild crowd is supposed to make us think of him as less than the creep he is. Hopefully a good case of V.D. will sober him up.

Posted by elswinger on December 15, 2008 at 10:03 PM

All drunks think they're special.

He just wants someone who turns his knobs.

Posted by Will in Seattle on December 15, 2008 at 10:03 PM

LUSH if you want to stop drinking, you can.

I spent many years drinking. I drank to relax, to celebrate, to mourn. I never had any fun unless I was drunk. I often wanted to die. I loved drinking and all my friends and lovers also drank. Non-drunks were boring.

I've been sober for 12 years. I still hang out with drunks and most of my friends and lovers are drunks, but they are sober drunks. (I still find non-drunks boring) I have fun without being drunk--something that I couldn't do before. But, most importantly I want to live.

When I got to the point where I really was going to kill myself, I talked to a drug and alcohol counselor--I was in college. She introduced me to some sober drunks, and they taught me how to live.

Posted by Regular Slogger on December 15, 2008 at 10:55 PM

Ick! Life, it seems to me, is difficult and complicated enough without drowning relationships in booze. If you like alcohol soaked women, it's because you want validation for your own addiction or you seek emotionally shallow companionships. I don't think it will be much comfort in your drunken old age. That is, if your organs haven't given out.

Posted by Vince on December 16, 2008 at 6:16 AM

The problem w/ sober people is, that's the best their going to feel all day.

Posted by Dean on December 16, 2008 at 8:32 AM

What 9 and 10 said. This isn't about attraction. It's about self-rationalization, self-justification, and--ultimately--self-delusion.

Posted by ryno on December 16, 2008 at 9:04 AM

Hemingway was at least a concise drunk.

Posted by Greg on December 16, 2008 at 10:03 AM

complicated drunkenness sounds cool, but it's not as fun as it seems.

But who am I to judge what works - I still say @1 had the best advice.

Posted by Will in Seattle on December 16, 2008 at 10:33 AM

He's not complicated or special. He's a bar fly. That was a damn good movie, before Mickey Rourke messed up his face and career.

Posted by Charm on December 16, 2008 at 2:12 PM

I like the lack of judgement in Dan' reply. The moralizing and snobbishness of many of the posts here are obnoxious. At least Dan had the class to address the actual question intead of the guy's moral character.

Posted by JMS on December 16, 2008 at 3:05 PM

Thanks for the comments. All of us kinksters endure our share of derision, and I relish the irony that much of mine seems to come from putative "progressives"...

I guess I'm still out there, looking for my beautiful, flawed, "setting sun" of a woman...

Posted by LUSH on December 20, 2008 at 11:41 PM