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Monday, December 1, 2008

Film / Science The Right Hand

Posted by Charles Mudede on Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 4:39 PM

Science, we do not want those ugly and monstrous hand transplants. You can take that shit back to the freezer.

What we want from the future is what we all saw on the movie screen three decades ago:

Just look at it: no sticky blood, no slimy veins, no squishy muscles, no mess. We get instead the elegance of plastic flesh, of a miniature machine, of metal features and electric wires. All humans deserve to have and behold the hand the hero of the rebels received on that starship.

Comments (7) RSS

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Hooper: Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy. Bust this: Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down, even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit: You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!
Banky: What's a Nubian?
Hooper: Shut the fuck up! Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the fuckin' universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that?
Banky: Intergalactic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy, quote unquote, safe for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky: Well, isn't that true?
[Hooper pulls out his gun, shoots Banky]
Hooper: Black rage! Black rage! I'll kill any whites I lay my motherfuckin' eyes on!

Posted by Greg on December 1, 2008 at 4:42 PM

A topical post by Charles that makes sense, correctly references pop culture, and makes a wry point?
It's a Christmas miracle!

Posted by Rehmper on December 1, 2008 at 4:59 PM

I want a giant robotic exoskeleton with lasers and ginormous claws on it.

Posted by NapoleonXIV on December 1, 2008 at 6:01 PM

Are you still smoking crack, Greg?

Posted by Cookie W. Monster on December 1, 2008 at 6:18 PM

Yes, that's it, Charles, because we all know that's how Science works. You just write to Science and ask them for a nice elegant cyberhand and sit patiently by the Science Tree (you do have a Science Tree, don't you? Because if you don't, where is Dr. Hawking Claus going to leave your science presents?)

Posted by breklor on December 1, 2008 at 6:25 PM

@4: No, he's quoting Chasing Amy, which is always acceptable.

Posted by Aislinn on December 1, 2008 at 10:27 PM

Sure, it looks all cool and shit, but the damned thing will zap you like a bug he first time you get it wet.

Why do you think Luke ended up having to wear the stupid black glove all the time? He wasn't just doing a Dr. Strangelove impersonation, you know...

Posted by COMTE on December 2, 2008 at 9:27 AM