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Monday, December 1, 2008

All Alone is All We Are

Posted by on Mon, Dec 1, 2008 at 11:57 AM

Over the past few years, as the density debate has waxed and waned here in Seattle, there's been one argument against urban density that I've found particularly interesting: the loneliness argument.

Interesting not because I thought it was necessarily true that the architecture of density automatically creates a lot of single-dweller isolation and on-the-street urban anomie, but because this loneliness argument was one that didn't seem particularly easy to refute. It's all about personal feelings: "I feel lonely in big cities" or, "I don't feel lonely in big cities."

Where was the social science?

Well, here's some, via a New York Magazine piece on the myth of urban loneliness:

In American lore, the small town is the archetypal community, a state of grace from which city dwellers have fallen (thus capitulating to all sorts of political ills like, say, socialism). Even among die-hard New Yorkers, those who could hardly imagine a life anywhere else, you’ll find people who secretly harbor nostalgia for the small village they’ve never known.

Yet the picture of cities—and New York in particular—that has been emerging from the work of social scientists is that the people living in them are actually less lonely. Rather than driving people apart, large population centers pull them together, and as a rule tend to possess greater community virtues than smaller ones. This, even though cities are consistently, overwhelmingly, places where people are more likely to live on their own.

 

Comments (18) RSS

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1
Not to mention that Seattle has already developed a wonderful infrastructure for community organizing and involvement with widespread community centers, libraries and neighborhood councils. These are all things that places like New York have always supported a step behind their population.

The fact is, if you live in a small apartment within walking distance to parks, cafes, bars, theaters, and other amenities, you are much more likely to go to them and interact with other people than if you live in a big SFH out in the burbs.
Posted by JoshMahar on December 1, 2008 at 12:10 PM
2
I don't know. Can you really argue if one place is lonelier than the next? Loneliness is a state of mind, not a zip code.
Posted by Rotten666 on December 1, 2008 at 12:19 PM
3
Places are what you make of them.

But open public spaces that encourage you to mix and mingle are an important part of what makes it friendly.
Posted by Will in Seattle on December 1, 2008 at 12:20 PM
4
What a groovy article. No mention of the possible effects of the current economic downturn. That may add some interesting layers to the perceived value of the city.
Posted by tomasyalba on December 1, 2008 at 12:21 PM
5
I'll buy that small towns where everyone knows one another are in fact less lonely than cities, but suburbs are not small towns, they are suburbs. Between suburbs and the city the city wins, hands down.
Posted by matt on December 1, 2008 at 12:28 PM
6
A year after leaving NYC for one of those idyllic villages in south-central Massachusetts, I returned to my Bay Ridge, Brooklyn neighborhood to visit my former roommate. I stopped at the newspaper stand by my old subway station (Fort Hamilton Parkway on the N line) to get a cup of coffee. "'ey, where ya' been? Haven't seen you in a long time! Light, no sugar, right?" the guy behind the counter said. I was hardly a regular at the stand-- as a grad student, even a $0.50 cup of coffee was an indulgence. But he remembered me.

That little idyllic town in south-central Massachusetts? I lived there for three years, went to the post office to pick up my mail because they didn't deliver to my apartment, and shopped at the only grocery store in town. When I won a DVD player at the "House of Video" store in town, my picture was posted. Other customers gave shit about it-- "Who is SHE? She's not from here..." My brother, who recently moved to Spokane for a job, gets the same thing there.

I left my hometown when I went to college and I don't plan to return. For those of us with wandering souls and big visions, urban areas provide the solace of a community of immigrants, expatriates from Other Lands who have moved to a place for opportunity, be it professional or personal. Seattle is not quite an urban area yet-- even after being here for almost five years, I still feel a little "you're not from here". The infamous Seattle Freeze isn't dead. But Seattle is growing into its global, urban self and with that will come greater acceptance of those who are not native to the Pacific Northwest.
Posted by Suze on December 1, 2008 at 12:30 PM
7
There's a downside to that small-town friendliness, too, as anyone who's seen Peyton Place can tell you. Sometimes having everybody in town all up in your business is not such a great thing. Some people move to the city specifically because they want to be in a place where they can choose their social interactions, rather than have the whole town know whose house you slunk out of this morning, or having to sit next to the kook babbling about the anti-Christ every goddamn morning at the only coffee shop.
Posted by Fnarf on December 1, 2008 at 12:34 PM
8
I always thought that urban environments were as social as small towns, but you interact with a larger number of people. As a result, you have many, shallower interactions, as opposed to fewer, deeper interactions. So, depending on your personality, that could lead to more loneliness or less. I tend to prefer situations with fewer people that I can connect more deeply with, but that's just me.

I also think there's this myth about cities that because people don't tend to know their neighbors well, they are lonelier or have a lower sense of community. But, I think in cities, your relationships are not as based on proximity as they are on common interests.

This looks like a great article, thanks for the link....
Posted by Julie in Chicago on December 1, 2008 at 12:35 PM
9
Um, I'm going to go with, "Duh," on this one.
Posted by erostratus on December 1, 2008 at 12:37 PM
10
I think most of this false nostalgia comes from old TV shows like "The Andy Griffith Show" where everybody knew everybody. But this seems to be true of only the smallest of rural towns like Mayberry or Hooterville. When you get to the suburbs, where the Bradys, the Stevens, the Partridges, or the Cleavers live, the only interaction with neighbors tend to be negative ones. In contrast, urban dwellers such as the Hartleys and the Ricardos had very good relations with their neighbors.

Posted by elswinger on December 1, 2008 at 12:51 PM
11
Yeah, Elswinger -- do you really want Barney Fife barging into your living room without knocking every fifteen minutes? I don't.
Posted by Fnarf on December 1, 2008 at 12:57 PM
12
I read this and my iPod spits out "Small Town" by Lou Reed and John Cale.

"When you're growing up in a small town
You know you'll grow down in a small town
There is only one good use for a small town

You hate it and you know you'll have to leave"


Timing!

I grew up in a "census designated location" and I have never gotten the nostalgia for the small town. The theory and nostalgia of genial neighbors is so much nicer than the reality of snoops and quaintness of living off the beaten path dies on the vine when there's not much of a night life... or social life if you're not in the VFW or into Bingo.

I felt lonelier in a town where a goodly chunk of people knew me than I do in a large city where I'm just one more person in the stream.
Posted by Chris B on December 1, 2008 at 1:04 PM
13
@5 for the win, and @7 for not having enjoyed being in a small town. I remember living in Kaslo, BC, which had at best 1,000 people until recently.

Small towns are always better than suburbs.
Posted by Will in Seattle on December 1, 2008 at 1:28 PM
14
Good topic, thanks Eli. Thanks for the link too.
I have Three Dog Night going through my head.
Posted by 4f...sake on December 1, 2008 at 1:46 PM
15
This post's title is Misheard Lyric #324. It's "All in all is all we are."
Posted by DOUG. on December 1, 2008 at 3:08 PM
16
Fnarf: No. I don't think that was point. Personally I am happy to be left alone. I am stuck in a nursing home with 0% privacy.
Posted by elswinger on December 1, 2008 at 3:19 PM
17
Actually, I prefer city eclectic. Small towns are o.k. for farmers and quiet old people. And maybe a visit.
Posted by Vince on December 1, 2008 at 4:34 PM
18
Matt, you are so right. The small town is dead, dead, dead. It *used* to actually be an example of a dense enclave amidst fields and farmhouses, which made it the place to be socially.

Now the suburbs have taken over - row upon row of single-family dwellings, isolated apartment complexes, strip malls, absolutely NO public spaces where people can meet up.

If you are a person who needs a tribe, then you need to be in the city.

(It's not like Jane Jacobs didn't figure this out 40 years ago by the way. The rest of America just needed a while to catch up)
Posted by raisedbywolves on December 2, 2008 at 4:31 AM

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