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News & ArtsFriday, November 28, 2008
Books "Oh, and by the way, Chapters 3, 8, 10 and part of 16 were all dreams, in case you hadn't caught on."
Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Nov 28, 2008 at 4:12 PM
Bookninja points to a contest that was held to write the worst bad ending to a novel you can imagine.
Some of my favorites:
First the infarction, then the ambulance ride, now going under the knife, he drifted away under anesthesia, humming Celine Dion's tune "My Heart Will Go On." But it didn't.
As he left, the captain flashed a smile — a wide, satisfied grin with lips parted a quarter-inch, the right corner of the mouth raised slightly above the left, and a dry lower lip slightly stuck to the teeth — that defied description.
And, best of all:
Not!
1
This one was my favorite by far:
And Washington ceased to exist in a fireball that churned skyward like the gaseous plea of a whale that had ingested a crate of habanero peppers, red and yellow -- the explosion, not the peppers, though habaneros, which are the world's hottest, can in fact be red or yellow. Not that this mattered to the former residents of Washington, who were now mere dust particles; all they were was dust in the wind.(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
And Washington ceased to exist in a fireball that churned skyward like the gaseous plea of a whale that had ingested a crate of habanero peppers, red and yellow -- the explosion, not the peppers, though habaneros, which are the world's hottest, can in fact be red or yellow. Not that this mattered to the former residents of Washington, who were now mere dust particles; all they were was dust in the wind.(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
2
This one was also a hoot:
He had only 75 words to go on his contractually required novel of 50,000 words. A guy could say a lot in 75 words, like "Pudding is best when it's warm." He wondered whether to count hyphenated words as two words. Strange thoughts come to a fellow at times like these. Should he have written "50,000" as "fifty thousand"? He was close enough to count down: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. (Art Grinath)
He had only 75 words to go on his contractually required novel of 50,000 words. A guy could say a lot in 75 words, like "Pudding is best when it's warm." He wondered whether to count hyphenated words as two words. Strange thoughts come to a fellow at times like these. Should he have written "50,000" as "fifty thousand"? He was close enough to count down: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2. (Art Grinath)
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