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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Religion / Chow If Hare Krishnas Published Watchtower

Posted by Dominic Holden on Wed, Nov 26, 2008 at 3:25 PM

"It is a curious thing that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste." — Evelyn Waugh

If you've ever opened an issue of Watchtower—that magazine handed out by Jehovah's Witnesses—you've seen the illustrated post-rapture scenes of bounty. A typical drawing features people returning from the orchards with baskets of apples, a child reclining on a docile lion, and a man leading a cow to slaughter. Always predators, children, apples, cow.

But if Hare Krishnas published Watchtower, the scenes of afterlife bounty, considering their vegetarian ways, would be free of predators and prey. They would look depict scenes more like photographer Carl Warner's carefully crafted vegetarian foodscape:

However, if there's a pescatarian religion—is there a fish religion?—the followers would enjoy an afterlife on the salmon seas:

Man, that's gross. And sorry, no turkeyscapes today.

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Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

The Fish Religion was that one where they put a fish symbol on the back their car. Duh.

Posted by elenchos on November 26, 2008 at 3:28 PM

Ew! EEEEEEW!!!

Posted by Lindy West on November 26, 2008 at 3:30 PM

If Hare Krishnas made the afterlife, at least it would have a beat and you can dance to it. I don't agree with all of their religious tenets, but I will jam with them any day.

Posted by breklor on November 26, 2008 at 3:37 PM

It's not quite what you're looking for, Dominic, but Pastafarians (members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) use an image of a pirate fish. This is related to their beliefs that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s (see the graph of the approximate number of pirates to the average global temperature in Bobby Henderson's 2005 open letter to the Kansas Board of Educa… for details) and that humans evolved from pirates (rationale: humans share around 95% DNA with monkeys, and more than 99.9% DNA with pirates).

Posted by Phil M on November 26, 2008 at 4:21 PM

Dear Website Which Resize My Browser,

Fuck you.

Sincerely,

Good Design.

Posted by Chip on November 26, 2008 at 4:25 PM

I used to love reading those pamphlets, they were always funny.

It's satire, right?

Posted by Will in Seattle on November 26, 2008 at 5:02 PM

There's nothing gross about salmon. Salmon is delicious.

Posted by bullwinkle on November 26, 2008 at 5:21 PM

Did you say Pescaterian or Presbyterian? Never mind, either way it's still symbolized by a fish.

@4: The Noodly Appendage be with you.

Posted by RainMan on November 26, 2008 at 5:26 PM

I've always enjoyed Rupert Brooke's poem about a heaven for fish (rather than fish-eaters):
http://www.poetry.com/GreatestPoems/poem…

Posted by banjoboy on November 26, 2008 at 8:45 PM

Are those trees made of dill? I LOVE it!

Posted by Parsnip on November 26, 2008 at 10:20 PM

Ah, the Carl Warner vegiscapes are sublime--and I, too, have occasionally gotten lost in the trippy, sweet, naive magical realism of Watchtower illustrations.

It's an evocative analogy.

But, Dominic, if you're speaking of idealistic Hare Krishna imagery, you can't ignore the wonderful, transcendentally shrill color plates published in many modern editions of the Bhagavad Gita. (Check the personal library of your nearest grizzled paleohippie.)

Posted by Brandon Burt on November 27, 2008 at 1:38 AM

But if Hare Krishnas published Watchtower, the scenes of afterlife bounty, considering their vegetarian ways, would be free of predators and prey.
==========

WRONG. The Hare Krishnas have no happy sweetness and light utopia in their vision of the future of Earth. The Hare Krishnas believe in an apocalyptic future that they say is well on its way (Kali Yuga), and that in the future they believe that humans will devolve into cannibalistic dwarves that live underground who are so demoniac and stupid that they can only be liberated by being killed by God Himself (in the form of Kalki wielding a sword) personally.

Posted by I know all about Hare Krishnas on November 27, 2008 at 7:49 PM

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