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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hetero Re: In the Free Market for Love

Posted by Erica C. Barnett on Tue, Nov 25, 2008 at 5:35 PM

In the comments my post on the Objectivist dating site Atlasphere below, Jill pointed out that I singled out Objectivist boys for ridicule. Actually, I lifted all those dating profiles directly from New York Magazine. However, in the spirit of equal treatment for equal idiocy, I signed up for an account at Atlasphere (username: "Knute Berger") and checked out what the ladies have to offer. Frankly, it's kind of heartbreaking.

C Musterground, Shelby, NC

I like a strong man, a man who knows how to put a woman in her place, the sort of man who passed out of fashion long ago. If you consider your manhood obsolete, you're the kind of guy I'm after.

Miss L, Costa Mesa, California

Although my frame is not as willowy or petite as Dominque Francon's, my will is as strong. Are you man enough to own me? Many have pled their cases, but the weakness revealed in their pleading made me indifferent to them. I surrendered my virginity in a moment of battle with a man I loved, and he left me for his career, which I found exhilarating. If you are too self-possessed to have read this ad in the first place, I hope we will run into each other in the wilderness (where society's rules don't apply) so you can rape me anonymously, and then meet again in a drawing room so we can suffer being near each other without touching. And then I will destroy you.

I was born in a wasteland and struggled like a tenacious weed to find the sunlight of man's achievements. I have sought affirmation of what I know to be True in England, France, Scotland, Italy, and most of the United States. I have only found it in myself.

magdarose
Raleigh, North Carolina
I'm tired of meeting men who are passive. I want someone dynamic. Someone to show ME a good time. Someone to call ME to say they're going to pilates tonight and won't be able to meet up. Someone with a life. Someone who will take charge of mine. Someone who knows who he is.

Marnee, Tucson, Arizona
He should value reason, honesty, and freedom & creativity. But above all he should value himself and display tremendous self-confidence. Self-denial would be unthinkable to him. My ideal man is always thinking and imagining and cant stop learning. He will keep me in goose-bumps every moment we are together and makes me laugh my guts out. He should also have a distaste for abstract expressionism and most other forms of modern art and anything post-modern.

tumbleweed, Johannesburg, South Africa, 53
Tall slim evolved male with character, values equipped with a caring sharing nature, conversationalist perhaps a 'raconteur'

From planning a small dinner party of 4-6 with inspiring people, or a weekend away without getting too ruffled. Holding hands under the coffe table, "come on reduce me to a little girl"

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Comments (25) RSS

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It's strange how expectations can be set so low, and so high, simultaneously. Those read more like warnings than classifieds.

Posted by Dougsf on November 25, 2008 at 5:42 PM

OK, for true equal opportunity, where's the GLBT section?

Posted by emma's bee on November 25, 2008 at 5:47 PM

In the spirit of fairness, I am somewhat suspicious that Miss L is not an objectivist so much as someone who decided to go on an objectivist website and pose as a parody of one. But I'm not SURE, and that disturbs me.

Posted by beguine on November 25, 2008 at 5:50 PM

For some reason these people (both genders) remind of poeple who get sexual satisfaction out of having their limbs amputated.

Posted by skweetis on November 25, 2008 at 5:56 PM

Damn, and I thought the ads from the men were sad.

Posted by My penis on November 25, 2008 at 6:20 PM

Hey, whatever floats your boat... if that's what they want at least they're asking for it.

Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 25, 2008 at 6:37 PM

Hopefully whatever mutation causes these people to be stupid will also cause them to be infertile when they attempt to mate with one another.

Posted by violet_dagrinder on November 25, 2008 at 6:52 PM

hmmm, Miss L, let's see
surrender my virginity
rape anonymously
I will destroy you
she has found affirmation in herself

is this the mini-plot of 20 year old Sasha Grey, porn star, in her movie debut

Posted by 4f...sake on November 25, 2008 at 7:11 PM

I'm thinking (hoping) Miss L is a parady. Isn't that a description of the fountainhead?

Posted by Mike on November 25, 2008 at 7:17 PM

My experience with the Stranger personal ads, at least my experience 10 years ago, is that most of them are practical jokes.

Posted by elswinger on November 25, 2008 at 7:25 PM

Well I guess it's good to know that... they went to the right place!

Posted by erly on November 25, 2008 at 7:31 PM

Yeesh.

Posted by Darcy on November 25, 2008 at 7:37 PM

The ladies' ads smack of parody more than the ads of the men do.

Posted by yucca flower on November 25, 2008 at 8:12 PM

This is just ... sad.

Posted by Will in Seattle on November 25, 2008 at 8:13 PM

On those last three, I was like, okay reason, okay honesty, okay dynamic... I can get on board with those things, wait... what?

I also liked the last one -- good luck finding an objectivist with a "caring, sharing nature", sweetheart.

Posted by Julie in Chicago on November 25, 2008 at 8:53 PM

Neither the women nor the men wish to connect based on their philosophy, they are looking to live out very specific fantasies from the books. They want specific body types and to replicate gender roles as played out in Rand's descriptions of sexual encounters. Are these Objectivists, or do they really just want to role play? I think these folks may be no different than those looking for partners to live out their fantasies from the Gor series, or the Beauty books.

Posted by meg on November 25, 2008 at 8:58 PM

And we have a winner!!!! @16 gets the kewpie doll!

Posted by Matthew on November 25, 2008 at 9:19 PM

to be fair though, many if not all these women would be just be "subs" and kinky if they were mousy leftists.

Posted by Bellevue Ave on November 25, 2008 at 9:23 PM

@18: it's funny 'cos it's true.

Posted by brent on November 25, 2008 at 10:42 PM

ECB, thank you for this public service. God knows I would never sign up on a randroid site, yet I had to know what the women's posts were like. This makes up for everything irritating you ever posted re bicycles, transit, and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Posted by All Is Forgiven. on November 25, 2008 at 11:27 PM

What's up with the sudden slamming on Objectivists? I'm not saying that those personals are anything other than disturbing, but why the sudden fascination with them?

Posted by Just wondering.... on November 26, 2008 at 12:32 AM

Based on these ads, it seems that men are objectivists in order to excuse their assholery, and women are objectivists because they are afraid to call themselves full-time bottoms.

Posted by Jill on November 26, 2008 at 2:34 AM

"I want a man to take over a foreclosed house and surround it in electrified tungsten for me. To keep the bears away, or something. Oh, and he has to have a really ridiculous name."

Posted by AJ on November 26, 2008 at 7:55 AM

Wow, I'm pretty sure I could get most of these women to do anal on the first date. But I'd have to pretend to be rich.

Posted by dwight moody on November 26, 2008 at 10:33 AM

Wierd. Any of those ads could have come from Scientologists.

Posted by RobotRevolution on November 26, 2008 at 10:38 AM