Monday, November 24, 2008
Film UnWanted
Posted by Lindy West on Mon, Nov 24, 2008 at 11:39 AM
**A review of Wanted on DVD (coming December 2nd), by Unpaid Intern Evan Stewart:
There is a 2-foot-high stack of DVDs on Lindy's desk, and there has been since I started at The Stranger a few weeks ago. At first, I was envious (free DVDs!). But upon closer examination, this stack was nothing to be jealous of, consisting mainly of things like Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, Ugly Betty Season 2, and (seriously) Waterworld. I was happy to not have my own desk befouled.
But every now and then, some trickle-down occurs (that theory has to work for something) and a DVD is tossed my way. This week it was Wanted. I wish it wasn't.
Wanted starts off like so many good movies: A man is disillusioned with his job, friends, and life, and contemplates this disillusionment with the same apathy that has plagued his until-now seemingly meaningless existence. Unfortunately, this is where Wanted diverges from the well-tread (and rightly so) paths of films like Fight Club and American Beauty. Where the angsty protagonists from those films try to make sense of their lives through human means, Wanted’s lisping hero (James McAvoy) instead enters a world of intense escapist silliness, learning of his destiny as a supercool, superpowered assassin. And in all its bullet-curving, car-flipping, nausea-inducing glory, this live-action anime goes from boring to unwatchable (bouncing between the two for the duration of the film).
The ridiculousness of Wanted cannot be overstated. The so-called “fraternity of assassins” curves bullets. They have an adrenal condition that lets them slow time. They take their instructions on whom to assassinate from a binary language derived from a magic ancient loom. And it is this textile obedience that is their eventual downfall.
One last note on this movie: Angelina Jolie, given thankfully few lines, but many, many fake tattoos, looks very unhealthy. Her sunken eyes and spindly arms seem to suggest some kind of disease eating away at her body, much like this movie ate away at my will to live.
Now, to all the Hollywood types reading this, don't let my review in any way dissuade you from continuing to send free DVDs to Lindy in bulk. I simply hated Wanted, I don't want to derail the gravy train. Well, it's not as much a gravy train as it is one of those big ships that hauls garbage across the ocean. Anyway, don't stop the garbage ship! I've had my eye on a copy of Mirrors, hint hint.
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People will pay to watch anything.
@7 - Not true. It was released to DVD in '97, although is now out of print. Whether it was pulled some time ago, or if that version was expired due to the release of the (shudder) extended edition, I do not know...
she is the same actress that was in the prop 8 commercial where the Mormons rummage in her panty drawer.
The movie is mostly notable for its weird casting (Morgan Freeman? James McAvoy? Really?) and that viral video from last spring of some guy freaking out in his office and terrorizing everyone, which I think was posted here on Slog:
http://www.break.com/index/office-worker…
Yelling in the theater is rude, not weird. "It was really rude to everyone else in the theater" is what you should have said.
Hellboy 2 is just a good movie. Intern is stupid.
I'm not really sure about Ugly Betty, but it does star a cute brown girl. Who doesn't love some cute brown girl?
True, but it was also re-released in 1999 with DTS and in 2003 for re-stocking. The 2003 was basically a re-issue of the 1997 version since it didn't have DTS. All three versions can be found around the country for $1-6. All three versions are worth $0. The new version is $13.99 on amazon and has a new cover, a bonus disc, no DTS, and unfortunately it's the same movie.
Furthermore, an HDDVD version was released in 2006. It was probably $29.99 when it came out, but of course, it's now $7.99, and still worth nothing (+ the worthlessness of HDDVD itself, this version is literally the worst version you could possibly have. Even an old VHS copy would be better, because you were probably young when you got it and didn't know any better. Maybe it was $1 at a garage sale and you had never seen it. Who knows).
At a glance, Waterworld was also released three times on DVD in Region 2 format—1999, 2002, 2003.
@11
I know.
You just compared Starship Troopers to Pluto Nash and Showgirls. Then you said Hellboy 2 is "just a good movie."
This isn't subjective: you're a moron.
And, how dare you lump Starship Troopers in with Showgirls or Pluto Nash. The movie is awesome and cheesy. Unlike the latter two, it works because it strived for the cheese factor.
WATERWORLD was only slammed because it went overbudget, like ISHTAR.
Some movies get slammed because they're awful, but not awful enough to be great, like, uh, GIGLI.
But honestly WANTED is so breathtakingly bad, I think everybody should watch it in a spirit of thoroughgoing irony. A secret guild of weavers is mentaloid assassin society! Morgan Freeman talks to a Loom! Angelina Jolie phones it in! James McAvoy occasionally lapses into native Scottish accent! Hilarity ensues!
I mean...you don't watch Wanted expecting to see oscar gold...you watch it for the action and the chance to laugh at it. Perhaps you've forgotten about all the other cheesy sci-fi esque action flicks that we still love to laugh at today.
The comic was cute. The movie was terrible. And almost wholly unrelated.
Please? :)
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