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Monday, November 24, 2008

TV Today's Steven Seagal-gasm!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 24, 2008 at 4:43 PM

Or would that be "Steven Seagasm"? Whatever. In news that made me slip out of my chair and painfully crack my chin on my desk, '90s action hero/demigod STEVEN SEAGAL is getting his own reality show! In which he's a real cop! In real Louisiana! REALLY!
Apparently Seagal has been working on and off as a deputized officer in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish County Sheriff's department for the last 20 years (?!?), and starting in 2009 will star in a reality show documenting his exploits on A&E, fantastically entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman. From Variety...

"I decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana," Seagal said of the new venture.

Seagal "helps fight crime because he cares about the community," said Robert Sharenow, A&E's senior veep of nonfiction and alternative programming.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! (Sidenote: "No Shit, Sherlock!" would be a great name for a detective show.) I think Steven Seagal has pretty much proven that he "cares for the community" and "fights crime" in such cinematic feats of awesomosity as Hard to Kill, Fire Down Below and Under Siege, so don't fucking insult me, Robert. Plus, I believe it was the Portland Motherfucking Mercury who devoted an ENTIRE ISSUE to Steven Seagal, so in the future it may be a good idea not to fucking treat us like we're children. Or else maybe I need to do this to you...

Comments (8) RSS

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That clip, my friends, is a straightforward, foursquare, solid action scene. No mystery, no slight of hand. Those of you bitching in the comments below about the choppy, confusing action in the Bourne movies, or Quantum of Solace? Well, here you go. Steven Segal is your man.

Posted by elenchos on November 24, 2008 at 5:00 PM

That is the most amazing and delightful news of teevee I have heard all year. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Posted by tomasyalba on November 24, 2008 at 5:03 PM

"No Shit, Sherlock!" would be a great rebranding of Immodium.

Posted by E on November 24, 2008 at 5:11 PM

Irony Overload!

Posted by Bob on November 24, 2008 at 5:59 PM

My favorite story involving Steven Seagal is in David Rakoff's book, Fraud. The author visits a Buddhist retreat in upstate New York where "Rinpoche" Seagal is supposed to lecture (but he's always late).

Posted by David E. on November 24, 2008 at 6:49 PM

Where those Jamaicans he was beating up on? Or is Seagal a Gay man seeking revenge?

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on November 24, 2008 at 7:14 PM

Steven Seagal is a strange person. But his movies are mint!
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/reviews.c…

Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 25, 2008 at 8:38 AM

Steven Seagal has this great chequered past where he's tried to convince people he was trained as a SEAL and was in the CIA, but it's been disproven over and over. There's a famous story of him hanging out with merc treasure hunters who thought he was a SEAL trained badass, until they realized he couldn't read a map and later had to pull him out of the water and perform CPR. he's a pretty silly character.

Posted by Cheeseburglar on May 7, 2011 at 1:58 PM