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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Science The Art of Parking a Satellite

Posted by Charles Mudede on Thu, Nov 13, 2008 at 8:06 AM

A Chinese-built Nigerian satellite turns out to be a piece of junk: "A multi-million dollar Nigerian satellite launched in May 2007 has been shut down to prevent it spinning out of control and damaging others in orbit."

The breakdown:

[1.] ...telecoms experts told the BBC it was a "white elephant in space."

Trust Africa to launch a white elephant into space.

[2.] The satellite was limited because the type of frequency it used was disturbed by clouds in the atmosphere, and did not work properly in Nigeria's rainy season or during the Harmattan, when clouds of dust blow down from the Sahara.

When will the Sahara stop giving black Africans problems?

[3.] "No technology can be a waste of money."

Nigeria's Information Minister is a technologist in the worst sense.

[4.] Local media initially reported that the satellite had "gone missing." But on Wednesday Minister of State for Science and Technology Alhassan Zaku told journalists it had lost power and had to be "parked, like you would park a car".

Where does the comedy end? The satellite is not broken, it's parked!

[5.] NigComSat-1 was launched 18 months ago to much fanfare from the government...

NigComSat is to black Africans what Pigs in Space was to hogs.

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China should never have answered that e-mail from the prince of Nigeria. We all know by now that those are scams. Silly China.

Posted by Julie in Chicago on November 13, 2008 at 7:59 AM

Wait, it was a Chinese-built Nigerian satellite, not a Nigerian-built Chinese satellite. This is the second retarded comment I've made in the last two days, without reading the linked article. Either new comment system is making me stupid, or I need to go get some more coffee.

Posted by Julie in Chicago on November 13, 2008 at 8:08 AM

Ground control to Major Zaku.

Posted by all systems parked on November 13, 2008 at 8:11 AM

Wal-Mart satellites. They don't have to work... no risk that you'll bring them back to customer service.

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber on November 13, 2008 at 8:23 AM

This car reminds me of those people in Kent driving early nineties Japanese sub compacts, with the small spare perpetually on, weaving around both lanes, driving at 15 mph below the speed limit and always looking for a driveway or parking spot.

Posted by John Bailo on November 13, 2008 at 9:17 AM

nigeria, there are reasons no to go with the low-cost bidder. next time, buy amurkin!

Posted by maxsolomon on November 13, 2008 at 9:59 AM

You're hilarious Charles.

Posted by Morgan on November 14, 2008 at 2:11 AM