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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Film I Refuse to See This Movie

Posted by Paul Constant on Thu, Nov 13, 2008 at 4:01 PM

Monopoly-Man.jpg

Seriously, Lindy. I will not review this fucking movie when it comes out. I refuse to review a Monopoly movie:

...Ridley Scott, who has been attached as a producer on "Monopoly" and has been mentioned as a possible director, is now officially attached to helm the project, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic "Blade Runner."

Worse than a movie about a board game, it's a movie about real estate hoarders. By a director cannibalizing an earlier, undoubtedly better work. This sounds so fucking terrible I can't even quite fathom how bad it will be. Like man's inhumanity to man, it keeps getting worse every time I think about it.

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Comments (36) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Is this last paragraph a joke?

Universal is working with Hasbro on several projects as part of a long-term development deal. Platinum Dunes is producing its feature adaptation of "Ouija Board," while the maritime classic "Battleship" is also in development.


I mean, seriously? They already made that one; it's called Tora! Tora! Tora!
Posted by Darcy on November 13, 2008 at 4:08 PM
2
It'd be a total riot if it feature ridley scott movie characters playing monopoly for 126 minutes.
Posted by Bellevue Ave on November 13, 2008 at 4:09 PM
3
I want to join in. I will not see any sequel to Bull Durham.
http://www.themovieblog.com/2008/10/bull…
Posted by D. on November 13, 2008 at 4:10 PM
4
Also, what ever happened to screen writers? Instead of having screen writers flesh out new ideas, theyre turning towards board games for inspiration?
Posted by Bellevue Ave on November 13, 2008 at 4:11 PM
5
It ends violently when Tim Curry's character from Legends throws the board off the table in a fit of late-game frustration and then Rick Deckard shoots him in the face.
Posted by Billy Nilly on November 13, 2008 at 4:13 PM
6
Mike Daisey's Monopoly FTW!
Posted by Preston on November 13, 2008 at 4:16 PM
7
@5: Okay, I would see that movie.
Posted by Darcy on November 13, 2008 at 4:16 PM
8
YOU REVIEW WHAT I TELL YOU TO REVIEW, CONSTANT!
Posted by Lindy West on November 13, 2008 at 4:18 PM
9
Might I remind you that the movie CLUE was also adapted from a board game? That movie is hilarious, and it features what may be my all-time favorite Madeline Kahn moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92Ikddsjt…
Posted by Bub on November 13, 2008 at 4:18 PM
10
You know what else I thought would be god awful?

A movie based on a pirate ride at Disney World.

Boy, did I ever eat my hat on that one.
Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on November 13, 2008 at 4:25 PM
11
I'm working on a screenplay adaptation of the classic board game, "Don't Wake Daddy."

http://images.boardgamegeek.com/images/p…
http://www.thingamababy.com/photos/uncat…
Posted by jrrrl on November 13, 2008 at 4:26 PM
12
Clue is hilarious AND has Tim Curry!
Posted by Mikki on November 13, 2008 at 4:27 PM
13
Who gets to play the little iron?
Posted by Geni on November 13, 2008 at 4:30 PM
14
@7: What do you mean "movie?" That's how every game of Monopoly has ended in my experience.
Posted by Billy Nilly on November 13, 2008 at 4:31 PM
15
Until they make Stratego in to a movie, I won't be satisfied.
Posted by Hernandez on November 13, 2008 at 4:33 PM
16
Ridley Scott directing? I expect this from his brother Tony Scott.
Posted by CommonKnowledge on November 13, 2008 at 4:33 PM
17
Who plays the lead when Hungry, Hungry Hippos comes out?
Posted by uncle baggy on November 13, 2008 at 4:37 PM
18
Personally, I liked seeing all the endings to Clue when it was made into a movie, but you had to be there to understand why it was cooler than it is now ...

Just be glad they're not making Risk into a movie.
Posted by Will in Seattle on November 13, 2008 at 4:38 PM
19
When I was little, I wanted to be Miss Scarlett.
Posted by Mikki on November 13, 2008 at 4:42 PM
20
you guys are reacting like people should actually make original works of art. get over yourselves. it's a postmodern world. you thought "derivatives" were just financial poison. it's a derivative world, baby, across the (monopoly) board
Posted by pffft on November 13, 2008 at 4:48 PM
21
When I was little I still hated Will in Seattle.
Posted by art high school on November 13, 2008 at 4:53 PM
22
I find it kind of funny that Abby's stand in father figure, Will in Seattle is loathed by Fnarf, who is defending her from the same baseless attacks he makes against Will all the time.
Posted by High Art School on November 13, 2008 at 4:57 PM
23
After they've exhausted the possibilities for board game-inspired screenplays, I predict the next source for high-concept movies with cross-generational pop culture appeal will be sugared breakfast cereals. Robert Downey Jr.'s CGI-enhanced portrayal of Diggum the Sugar Smacks Frog will net him an oscar in 2011.
Posted by flamingbanjo on November 13, 2008 at 5:00 PM
24
@22: Father figure? I thought they were hittin' skins.
Posted by Put your tiny hand in mine on November 13, 2008 at 5:08 PM
25
Why is Will in Seattle stealing all of my bitches? I guess he looks good...for me to poop on!
Posted by Triumph on November 13, 2008 at 5:14 PM
26
Damn it feels good to be a BANKSTA! Monopoly used to be fun when it was just a game, but now I think I'd cry if I started losing all my little green houses to the bank, one by one... Is this really something they think people want to see right now? A fucking movie about real estate and banks??
Posted by I was always the scottie dog on November 13, 2008 at 5:16 PM
27
@23: Don't talk smack about Robert Downey, Jr. Also: hilarious.
Posted by Aislinn on November 13, 2008 at 5:45 PM
28
It's already been made: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl1aZ42Pj…
Posted by Shilenda on November 13, 2008 at 6:14 PM
29
@23: Captain Crunch as a WWII drama involving U-boats?
Posted by Abby on November 13, 2008 at 6:15 PM
30
Russell Crowe will be playing the parts of Rich Uncle Pennybags, the thimble and a Get Out Jail Free card.
Posted by blargh on November 13, 2008 at 7:59 PM
31
@22:

Just cause your father figure is Ecce Homo, that isn't our fault, fucking troll.

Go crawl back to arby's in renton, where the wifi is free and the douchebags are plentiful.
Posted by Original Monique on November 13, 2008 at 10:22 PM
32
@31: I have no desire to hang out with you Monique, but thanks for the offer.
Posted by You would know....... on November 13, 2008 at 10:44 PM
33
I guess the raping of our childhood is never complete. When will that latin drama comedy Uno be coming out?
Posted by choice on November 14, 2008 at 2:51 AM
34
Having a conversation with yourself, under a bunch of different pseudonyms? LAME.
Posted by Greg on November 14, 2008 at 10:33 AM
35
@21 - that's why i ate your donut.
Posted by Will in Seattle on November 14, 2008 at 11:14 AM
36
I'm holding out for the "Trivial Pursuit" starring Wallace Shawn, George Clooney and Denzel Washington as three unlikely buddies sitting around playing Trivial Pursuit for an hour and a half.
Posted by Yasmine on November 14, 2008 at 1:53 PM

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