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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Inhuman Sex

Posted by Charles Mudede on Tue, Nov 11, 2008 at 3:47 PM

Italy!
610x.jpg

But that's not what I want to think about. What I want to consider instead is this scene from Shoot 'Em Up:

Yes, yes! It's amazing! The amazing thing about it, however, is not that Clive Owen can fuck Monica Bellucci while killing a unit of assassins but that he can maintain his erection during a very stressful situation.

Some science: Erections are only possible if the human male is relaxed. To get hard, the body must turn on the parasympathetic nervous system. The opposite of this system is the sympathetic nervous system, which releases adrenalin. This system accelerates the heart and breathing rate (there is danger in the air, one must fly or defend themselves from harm). The parasympathetic system, on the other hand, slows down the heart and breathing rate (the pleasant digestion of a heavy meal, an afternoon nap). The bottom of this slow down is the place where the cock can get hard. And sex is essentially a return to the alert level of the sympathetic system--the moment it is reached, the man ejaculates.

Clearly the hero in Shoot 'Em Up is not human or a man. His flight/fright system does not turn on in a moment of danger. His muscles do not need the extra energy for increased speed and strength. He can kill in a perfectly calm state--the state a normal man/human is in when taking a nap.

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Comments (18) RSS

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1
Shoot 'Em Up is the embodiment of everything wrong with action movies. Fact.
Posted by Jonah S on November 11, 2008 at 4:37 PM
2
Yes, Charles, we get it. Monica Bellucci is the hottest woman ever to live.
Posted by David on November 11, 2008 at 4:39 PM
3
I'm quitting the slog.
Posted by Patrick on November 11, 2008 at 4:48 PM
4
I had hoped you saw this article but alas http://www.thelocal.se/15610.html Swedish bestiality ring exposed A Swedish newspaper has exposed a network of self-proclaimed zoophiles who meet regularly in locations around the country to have sex with animals. The group, consisting of an estimated thirty people, is headed by a 45-year-old father of two, Expressen reports. The unmarried former managing director is also moderator of a large internet animal sex forum and has a number of dogs and horses on his farm in southern Sweden. Having infiltrated the network over a period of several months, Expressen eventually confronted the 45-year-old over his alleged mistreatment of animals. But the man was quick to defend his relations with a bitch he bought online from a city-dwelling family who said they wanted the dog to have a better life in the countryside. "Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately," he told Expressen. During the time spent with members of the network, Expressen learned that the group regularly brought along a range of different animals to "sex meetings" at rented premises. There, members of the group filmed their sexual encounters and distributed them to other animal sex enthusiasts. At one meeting in a small village in Småland, five men waited for a woman who had promised to bring along two dogs. But when she was unable to make it to the meeting, the men spoke instead of their experiences, including a previous visit to a colleague they referred to as "donkey man". "He has a goat and a couple of donkeys. We tried with a donkey but it didn't work. But we did have sex with the goat," one of the men told Expressen. Previous calls for a law banning sex with animals have fallen on deaf ears. Agriculture Minister Eskil Erlandsson outraged many observers earlier this year with a graphic defence of existing animal abuse laws, in which he presented examples of the difficulties faced by courts when trying to differentiate affection from abuse. "Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia? "Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch's teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?" the minister wondered. According to the Swedish Animal Welfare Agency, 115 cases of bestiality were reported in the years 2000 to 2005. Despite indications that many of the animals had sustained injuries, none of the reports led to criminal charges.
More...
Posted by bobcat on November 11, 2008 at 4:53 PM
5
charles - the same thought occurred to me while watching that scene. that movie was retarded but i watched it because you love monica belucci so much & i wanted to see what the fuss was about.
Posted by max solomon on November 11, 2008 at 5:10 PM
6
Monica is indeed quite a lady, but Clive Owen....anytime anywhere!
Posted by Kevin on November 11, 2008 at 6:40 PM
7
Okay Chuck, if you're gonna be a science writer instead of a poet, how do rapists get a hard on?
Posted by idaho on November 11, 2008 at 7:14 PM
8
I always know it's a Charles post...

Love the groans of estacy edited in after the fact.
Posted by genevieve on November 11, 2008 at 7:18 PM
9
I tried this movie once, but found it completely unwatchable. It is so annoyingly silly that it is simply impossible to suspend disbelief to any degree.

Too bad. Monica Belluci is seven kinds of hot.
Posted by Indy on November 11, 2008 at 7:24 PM
10
that was so ridiculous. never mind the male character--i can't see how the viewer is supposed to remain aroused thru something that clunky. jesus.
Posted by ellarosa on November 11, 2008 at 8:44 PM
11
I love Clive Owen. My favorite movie with him is Inside Man
Posted by 4f...sake on November 11, 2008 at 9:19 PM
12
Ejaculation is also a sympathetic function. Does a typical man have to go soft in order to ejaculate? Don't think so.

Posted by eclexia on November 11, 2008 at 11:13 PM
13
Umm... I think some of you guys kind of missed the point. It's not supposed to seriously be an action movie; you're not supposed to "suspend disbelief"; and it's not retarded.

The NAME of the fucking movie is "Shoot 'Em Up". It's a caricature of a shoot 'em up movie. It's a cartoon of an already cartoony genre.

And with Muede, I frequently can't tell if he's serious in what he's writing (and therefore has a stick the size of a baseball bat up his ass) or if he aims to make his writing is a caricature, a cartoon, of the writing by the fat kid in class who ate paste in grade school and who was such an insufferable snotty jerk in high school that you beat the shit out of him just BECAUSE.

Um. This comment has gone awry. Hopefully Mr Muede didn't get his ass kicked on a regular basis in school.

Point is, to anyone/everyone, that Monica Belluci is so smokin' hot that any straight guy ought to be able to keep fucking the daylights out of her no matter what the external situation.

In fact, the true unreality of the situation (and hence the cartoony aspect of the movie) comes not from the hero maintaining his erection, but from the fact that he even notices all these assassins around him.

Because, let's face it, if any of US were fucking Monica Belluci, a goddamn nuclear bomb could go off up the street and we won't notice it. Man, she's hot.
Posted by Blue Eyed Buddhist on November 12, 2008 at 1:18 AM
14
The real problem with maintaining an erection would not be the gunfight it would be that damn baby crying.
Posted by Mike on November 12, 2008 at 4:28 AM
15
You and Golob must have smoked a bowl of primo shit together before writing this, huh, Charles?
Posted by Greg on November 12, 2008 at 7:23 AM
16
@4 Fuck off!
Posted by God on November 12, 2008 at 7:24 AM
17
Wow, those are bad assasins.
Posted by gk on November 12, 2008 at 9:11 AM
18
Clearly the hero in Shoot 'Em Up is not human or a man.

He is part man, part dog. His dog penis has a bulb which swells up and maintains the "tie" between him and Bellucci
Posted by James and Monica Belushi on November 12, 2008 at 11:31 AM

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