You responded to a woman who discovered her husband was gay last June and provided her brief but excellent advice—as you often do—then you ended with blanket apologies from, well the likes of me.

I am gay. I didn't want to be. My dad was gay and I was very angry at him for it. He hurt my mother. He hurt my family. He was a better man after he came out. In high school in mid 80's and in the buckle of the Bible belt I thought that if my friends knew about Dad they would shun me as an "AIDS leper." There was an openly gay kid in school and his life was hell. When I realized that I was attracted to boys I became very shy and withdrawn. I dated girls and was adament that I was straight. I had gay sex in college. I knew for sure that I was gay but I still tried to hide it. I fell in love with a boy but I cut off the relationship with him and dated a girl instead. She was nice, kind of a fag hag, and she gave good head so I thought, "Heck, maybe this girl can make me straight." She knew about my former boyfriend and found the porn under my bed. I said I was bi. She said OK.

Twenty years later and three kids later: I hate my life. I have never allowed myself to have a friend because I was afraid I would fall in lust/love with him. I don't enjoy sex. I do love my wife but more as a friend. I have not physically cheated on her but I did hide porn and chats. I got close to hooking up but never really went through with it. I came out to my wife a year ago. I want to make it work for the kids but I feel like I am living more of a lie than before. I didn't mean to hurt her, or anyone else. I was afraid. In a way I bullied myself. I watched that boy in high school to get bullied and took it all in. I have always been "tolerance" type, left wing and relatively liberal, but I understand where those right-wing nut jobs are coming from. All those guys trying to be something they are not. You die a little inside when society says you are sinful.

To SIMP and the all other straight spouses out there I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I cannot speak for your husbands who lied about themselves but I know that I lied out of fear and that lie hurt me and others.

Still Her Hurting Husband

My response after the jump...

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