Originally posted February 18, 2010:

I am a straight male. I have a problem ejaculating with a partner. I have failed to complete the act even when I arranged a session with two well-known porn stars I REALLY wanted. This despite sticking it nearly everywhere—no Greek—and in nearly every position. The only way I can reliably come is when I hump my mattress naked with a towel underneath me. What is my problem? I take Zoloft, which can have the effect of delaying orgasm, but that doesn't explain how I can get off so quickly with my towel, which I do daily, but I couldn't get it done in an entire hour with my favorite big-butted porn star who let me do whatever I wanted.

Fucking A Towel

My response after the jump:

First, a stroll down memory lane: Hearing anal sex referred to as "Greek" took me back to the days when I was a 13-year-old closet case reading the personal ads in the back of a purloined copy of the Advocate, wondering what the fuck fags meant when they described themselves as "Greek active" or "Greek passive," and why it was that Greek actives invariably described themselves as "French passive." It all seemed so mysterious and continental. Now, everyone is either a top or a bottom and romance is dead.

Moving on, FAT, it pains me to inform you that you've ruined your dick with that towel-and-mattress routine. You've trained your dick to respond to one kind of stimulation and one kind of stimulation only, a particular kind of stimulation that has very little in common with the sensations provided by big-butted porn stars. Your only hope is to stop humping the bed. Get some lube; use your left hand; use your right hand; invest in a Fleshlight; masturbate on your back, standing up, kneeling. Vary your masturbatory routine and habits and—this is the hard part—don't resort to the towel and mattress if you have difficulty getting off. You spent a lot of time programming your dick, and it's going to take some time to reprogram your dick, FAT. The only way to do that is to deny your dick—forever and ever, amen—the towel-and-mattress routine. Once your dick realizes that there's no going back, it'll adapt; it will begin to respond to the new and closer-to-human sensations that you're making available to it. Good luck.