I'm on an online dating site (OKCupid) and a woman I matched with asked if I would join her swingers club. I'm suspicious mostly because they claim to have fifteen female members and only five male members in this club. How do I find out if it's legitimate? In addition, I'm 23 years old and a virgin. I'm pretty fit but I have trouble meeting people. Is it a bad idea to follow up on this?

Sexually Tense In Chicago

Remember the old adage/proverb/saying: if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. A swingers club with three times as many female members as male members? Unheard of in swinging circles—and, therefore, too good to be true.

So, yeah, it would be a bad idea to follow up with this woman. If you do follow up with her, STIC, she'll be hitting you up for a steep membership or initiation fee before you're allowed to visit this nonexistent club where women outnumber men three to one. Don't believe me? Instead of chit-chatting with a scammer—a scammer who is most likely male—spend ten minutes reading the membership rules posted online by legit swingers clubs. (Clubs with their own websites where they post info about becoming a member? Very likely legitimate. Clubs that trawl personals websites to recruit members? Most definitely illegitimate.) You'll quickly spot a pattern, STIC...

We allow single women; however, single men are not permitted.

Our events are open to mixed-sex couples, female-only couples, and single females.

Membership is restricted to sexy open-minded sexually liberal Couples and Single Ladies.

Couples and single women welcome, single men not welcome—them's the rules at swingers clubs the world over. Swingers clubs don't adopt this rule because they're run by a single cartel of sex-positive misandrists, STIC, but because without this rule swingers clubs would be overwhelmed by single men. And a public sex space where straight guys outnumber women by ten or twenty or a hundred to one is gonna start feeling pretty gang-rape-y pretty fast, STIC, and the women are gonna flee. (This isn't the only way men are discriminated against in the swingers clubs: "Nudity is allowed everywhere but the buffet area. However, men are only allowed to be nude when they are actively involved in play, on a bed, or waiting your turn at the orgy bed. Simply, men can not walk around the club nude, that includes partially nude. Women can be nude when walking around as long as shoes are worn.)

So this swingers club your OKCupid match told you about? I'm sorry to say it doesn't exist, STIC.

Finally, STIC, something else to bear in mind when you open your laptop: There are shitty people online who specialize in preying on and scamming lonely men. So make sure your bullshit detectors are fully engaged whenever you're interacting with strangers online. (Also: put up a recent pic on your dating profile, ask a friend to look it over your answers to the questions and offer input, and consider working with a therapist on your interpersonal skills. Good luck.)