I am sexually aroused by daddy/daughter role-play. I have no experience with it, but for many years have been extremely turned on by the idea of having sex with a man who pretends to be my father. I have been talking to a man online about this and our conversations are getting explicit. In the back of my mind I'm worried that he may be actually be into children. He has a daughter. Should I be worried that he fantasizes about her? Or actually abuses her?

Gross In Real Life

You have a father, presumably. Do you want to fuck your dad?—Dan

No, I don't want to fuck my actual dad. But I'm assuming that my fantasy comes from craving attention from my father who left when I was four. I'm overthinking things then?—GIRL

You might be, GIRL.

You might also wanna extend the same benefit of the doubt to your new online friend/potential role-play "daddy" that you would clearly like to have extended to yourself, GIRL. You’re into daddy/daughter role play, you have a father, you don’t want to fuck your actual dad. You know for a fact that your fantasy "comes from" some other place/kind of craving. He’s into daddy/daughter role-play, he has a daughter, he doesn’t want to fuck his actual daughter. You of all people should be able to see how his fantasy—the flip side of your fantasy—could "come from" some other place/kind of craving.

Most people with incest fantasies have no desire to fuck their actual family members. But if you get the impression he's abusing his daughter, GIRL, then don't fuck him ever and report him to the authorities immediately.

I've heard from lots of people like you over the years, GIRL: people whose sexual fantasies revolved around being victims-for-pretend who viewed with suspicion those whose sexual fantasizes revolved around being victimizers-for-pretend. These subs/masochists/littles knew their fantasies were just fantasies but they worried their counterparts' fantasies might be evidence of something more sinister. Vulnerability informs this concern; a sub/masochist/little doesn't want to discover it's not a fantasy for their Dom/sadist/big after they're either helpless or deeply involved. So the bar is and should be higher for all the Doms/sadists/bigs out there. Subs/masochists/littles definitely need to do their due diligence—talk at length, check references, establish trust, watch out for red flags.

But if a bottom's do-me-harm fantasies can be a harmless kink—a harmless kink that can be safely explored with a consenting partner—then the same holds true for a top's do-you-harm fantasies.—Dan