I'm a heteroflexible 26-year-old woman. So a year ago I met this married couple and in a few weeks of meeting them we had a threesome. The sex was fine and I was willing to have sex with them again until the husband got sketchy.

A couple days after the threesome the husband was dropping his kids off at a park near me for a couple of hours (their kids are young teens, so old enough to leave alone for a while) and asked if he could come over for a beer and hang. I said sure. He immediately tried to initiate sex after he arrived. I guess I shouldn’t been so naive to think he just want to actually hang. I stopped him and asked what this wife would feel about this (about her not being here). He said that he doesn't want her to know but it is okay for him and I to have sex because he would eventually tell her. I told him I was not okay with that and kicked him out — because I don't need that drama. I thought about telling her what happened but I figured to leave it alone — again, because I don't need that drama.

I slowly distanced myself from this married couple, never had sex with them again, and eventually un-friending them on Facebook. The married couple and I run in the same social circles. So one night, a week ago, a mutual friend of ours says to me, “So I heard you had a threesome with [the married couple].” I was surprised. I asked how the mutual friend knew and it turned out they were out doing a wine tasting, and the mutual friend agreed to be designated driver, and my friend drove the married couple home. The wife was drunk and super upset because I un-friended them on Facebook and she told our mutual friend about the threesome and my “cold shoulder” immediately after.

Now, I'm not ashamed and I never hid that I have sex with men and women from friends or family. But privacy is privacy. And I don't want to explain the reason why I didn't continue being a third in their relationship.

I haven't had sex with them in over half a year. So the wife is clearly still upset over me cutting ties with them even after so long. Should I contact the wife and ask her to please not share that information with mutual friends? Or do you think that might just set her off and make it worse?

Sketchy Hubby Unnerved This Unicorn Person

People have a right to discuss their experiences — and that includes their sexual experiences — with their friends and confidants. People should be discreet, honor the "Tea and Sympathy" rule ("When you speak of this in future years... and you will... be kind"), they should avoid making assumptions, err on the side of non-drunken non-disclosure, etc., etc., etc. But unless that FMF started with the signing of an NDA, SHUTUP, the female half of the couple you un-friended/cut ties with doesn't owe you her eternal silence.

And demanding her silence — contacting her to say "SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT THREESOME!" — could inspire her to found an online to campaign ostensibly to de-stigmatize threesomes (#shoutyourthreesome), SHUTUP, but really designed to punish you. Because she's angry and she's hurt — obviously.

She doesn't know what she did wrong, she has no idea why you distanced yourself from her, and she seized the twin opportunities of 1. time alone with a mutual friend and 2. the disinhibiting effects of alcohol in the moment ("I can talk about this — I am drunk!") and the responsibility-obviating effects of alcohol after the fact ("I'm sorry I talked about that — I was drunk."). My best guess is that she drunkenly blurted it all out — the threesome, your actions — in the hopes that your mutual friend either knew the reason why you cut them out of your life (and might share it) or would run and blab to you about their conversation. And this would prompt you to share the reason — with the mutual friend, who would report back to her, or to her directly.

So what to do? That depends, SHUTUP. There's no course of action that doesn't risk creating drama — potentially lots of drama — and it's impossible to predict which choice will generate the least drama. Let's game them out...

1. You call/email/text the wife and tell her what her husband did and said the day he dropped by. She believes you and blows up at her husband — maybe he apologizes to his wife, SHUTUP, maybe he apologizes to you. Or maybe he lies to his wife ("That never happened, she's nuts!") and gets his revenge by running around town talking shit about you.

2. You call/email/text the wife and tell her what her husband did and said the day he dropped by. She doesn't believe you, she sides with her husband, and they both run around town talking shit about you.

3. You don't contact the wife — or the husband — and hope she gets over it someday and stops talking about the threeway she had with you.

I'd go with option 3.