I'm 40 and newly divorced. Our sex life was in the toilet and had a large part in our split. I've dealt with ED for the past few years and have had limited success with meds and right before my wife ended things, I was scheduled to visit a urologist and start some kind of alternate treatment to get things back on track. Turns out my testosterone is very low and I'm about to get on a program with my GP to get that up to better levels.

I own that I did not take good care of myself and a recent stay in the hospital really opened my eyes about what dire straits I was in. I came out of that long recovery with a new "life's too short" attitude and want to get my sex drive back up to normalish levels. I believe I have an opportunity to do just that with an old friend I've reconnected with in the past month or so and we've already made plans to have me visit in a few weeks time. I'd love to make this a memorable experience instead of a tearful confession about my currently non-functioning junk. And I think I have a solution.

About four years ago, when it was obvious how little my wife and I were having sex, I purchased a strap-on harness for men (this one), which I had no idea existed until you mentioned it on the podcast a while back. I was proud of myself for being proactive and attempting a solution, even going so far as to take a trip to She Bop together to pick out a cock. She chose one and we promptly went to the hotel and... did nothing. She apparently wanted nothing to do with a fake cock attached to her husband and, I believe, waited four years to admit that out loud.

Whatever. Water under the bridge.

Point is, I still have this harness and and cock and, spurred by the possibility of sex with my old friend, I'm excited to finally try it out. It has nothing but great reviews and I think I'd really be empowered by using it, a feeling I haven't had for years. Which leads me to my dilemma. How do I let my future partner(s) know that, if I'm going to fuck her, it's going to be with a strap-on and my own dick probably won't enter the equation? I can still jerk off to largely unsatisfying orgasm, but it's usually a frustrating process and I do so rather seldom. However, with my new attitude, I'm determined to not let this stand in the way of a potentially really satisfying sexual encounter.

I rolled out my kinks early with my ex-wife and I know that confidence is the key. But even you have to admit, Dan, that this situation is fairly unique. I think my potential partner could be on board, but I'm kind of at a loss as to how to bring it up to her. Any advice, Dan?

Completely Owning Cock Knowledge

It won't be a problem so long as you tell your old friend about it in advance, COCK, and discuss it without hesitation or shame. If you want to do it via email, COCK, feel free to copy and paste...

"Hey, I wanted to let you know that I've been dealing with ED for a while. My flesh-and-blood cock isn't very reliable at the moment. I just learned, after a long-overdue trip to the doctor, that my testosterone levels are really low. I'm getting treated for it now, which should help, and I'm getting myself back in shape, post-divorce, which should also help. I'm confident my cock will be back in action soon. In the meantime, though, I'm borrowing a page from the lesbian playbook: I got myself a strap-on that I'd love to use if vaginal penetration is on the menu. I'm excited to try it and I think getting to fuck without having to worry about losing my erection (silicone cocks never go soft!) will give me and my flesh-and-blood cock a good psychological boost. But I'd also be totally happy with mutual masturbation and/or oral if you'd rather not use the strap-on. I'm down for anything you're comfortable with, basically, but I wanted to let you know that, even if my cock isn't 100% right now, PIV is very much on the menu. But a stunt double will be standing in for my cock if we go for PIV."

I promise you it won't be a problem, COCK, regardless of her reaction. If she freaks out and doesn't want to sleep with you, COCK, no problem—you won't have to sleep with her and consequently you'll be spared the hurt and/or confidence-dinging humiliation of an in-the-moment PIV disaster (she takes one look at your strap-on and freaks out; you're too embarrassed to break out the dildo and your cock fails to rise to the occasion), and you'll be free to find a partner who isn't freaked out by it and/or finds it sexy.

And if she doesn't freak out about it, COCK, you'll get to fuck her and she'll be extra committed to making it work.

Good luck!