My husband and I had a mutually satisfying sexual relationship before my pregnancy. However, after my first trimester my parts stopped working—no matter how much I wanted to have sex mentally or emotionally the physical act of touching my genitals no longer felt arousing. We tried it a couple of times but it was not exciting for him that I was getting basically nothing out of the act. So we didn't have sex for those six months. Then of course as you know, we didn't have a lot of time for each other through the sleep-deprived fog of the newborn months.

Now our son is six months old and sleeping through the night and taking regular naps. My sexual appetite is voraciously revived—I have been masturbating sometimes twice a day while at home alone with the kid. I was excited about reconnecting with my husband and having sex with each other as much as our son's schedule permits us. But I found myself cajoling my husband into coming to bed, which wasn't really necessary before. And he would never have left me without having an orgasm before, but now sometimes once he gets off he falls asleep or says that he is too tired to continue. And he is still very tired—he's the one working full time and also doing as much as he can with our son when he's at home.

He has reassured me that his attraction to me is not changed it's just that he's feeling less sexual desire overall. And I trust him despite still working on getting my body back to where I want it to be. Should I just be patient? Try reconnecting in other physical ways that don't require the pressure of the sexual act? Just keep on masturbating while I wait for my partner to get to where I am? I've read your column for so long that I'm answering my own questions, but I guess I worry that this is the first step to the cheating/divorce spiral some couples go down once they have children.

Post-Postpartum Parent

Yes to everything you tossed out there, PPP—be patient, find some low-pressure/low-stakes ways to reconnect physically, keep on masturbating.

One additional suggestion...

Your husband is working full time and then doing "as much as he can" with your son when he's at home. You're at home with an infant, and parenting is work, but you've been able to find time in your day to masturbate, sometimes more than once a day. So there's some give in your schedule, PPP, some time for you to unwind. If there isn't any give in your husband's schedule—if he's killing himself all day at work and then coming home and relieving you of all parenting duties and killing himself all night—you might wanna urge the husband to take it a little easier.

Full-time parenting is work and full-time work is work. You're both working all day long. So your husband shouldn't be taking on all parenting duties when he's home—you two should be splitting the parenting duties at night. Encourage him to do his fair share, of course, and encourage him to spend time caring for his son. But also encourage him to have a drink now and then, to relax a little when he gets home, to take some time to sit and read or space out in front of the TV. Allow your husband to have a little downtime too—tell him there's downtime in your day and he needs to have some downtime too—and see if that doesn't help revive his sexual appetite.