Georgia State Sen. Greg Kirk is trying to get a "religious liberty" bill passed, a law that would legalize discrimination against LGBT people (and others, like straight cohabitors) if the person doing the discriminating remembers to say the magic words: "These arr mah deeply held religious beliefs!" And Sen. Kirk, like so many anti-gay politicians of over the last few years, doesn't want anyone to think he's bigot or a hater. Just because he's pushing bigoted and hateful legislation targeting gay people doesn't mean he has anything against gay people. In fact, he has gay friends—just like Rick Santorum and Sarah Palin! Lots of them! And his gay friends are the gayest!

Thank God for Bill Torpy. A columnist at the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Torpy asked the obvious-yet-never-asked followup question: "OH, REALLY? CAN I TALK TO THESE GAY FRIENDS OF YOURS?"

“Look, I’m 52 years old,” he told reporters. “I’ve grown up with friends who now live a gay lifestyle. But they’re still very close friends to me, and I care deeply about them, and I have shared this with some of my friends and asked their viewpoint as well. That’s been part of my vetting process.” Now that’s a twist on a story, I thought. I’d like to talk with those friends, the ones living that gay lifestyle and who remain close to the senator. What do they think about the bill their buddy was hatching? Do gay people in south and central Georgia think differently than the gays up here? Because in Atlanta, they’re not happy....

[Journalism] calls for investigation, so I encountered Senator Kirk after a session and asked whether I could talk with some of those friends. He didn’t want to give me their names and said he’d have to give them my number. I get that. Being openly gay is a tough, personal decision and I imagine it’s a bit tougher and more personal in his district. That doesn’t mean people in small towns are any less gay. Just a bit quieter about it.

You'll never guess what happens next. Senator Kirk imaginary gay friends—all three of them—refused to speak to Torpy. Sen. Kirk's gay friends are either too embarrassed to admit their friends with this asshole or, like Rick Santorum's gay friends, they don't fucking exist. My money is on the latter.