Josh Bis

It happens every year like clockwork around Block Party o'clock: A buncha yahoos come out of the woodwork and start crying. "Cry, cry, cry," they cry. They cry in the streets, they cry on the blogs, they cry in the Stranger's e-mail: "It is such BULLSHIT," they cry, "that Capitol Hill Block Party is called a 'block party,' because block parties are FREE, but the Capitol Hill Block Party costs MONEY, and at the Capitol Hill Block Party you don't even get Old Man Fitzgibbons's famous macaroni salad like we have at MY block party on MY block! Cryyyyyy, cry, cry! I am the worst person ever!"

Well, worst person ever, I have some questions for you. Do incredibly famous and expensive bands play at your block party? Do you pay them in Old Man Fitzgibbons's famous macaroni salad? Are you familiar with the concept of "an event" having "a name"? When you go to Bumbershoot, are you confused that it is not, in fact, an umbrella festival? When you go to Folklife, are you angry because it is neither folksy nor populated by the living? When you go to Sasquatch!, are you all, "HUUURRRRRRRR!!! WHUR'S THE BIGFOOTS!? I'M ANGRY! DUR DUR DURRR CRYPTOZOOLOGY FART!!!" Do you expect the Seattle Erotic Art Festival to be actually erotic?

It's called the Block Party. That's its name. It is not the same as the block party that you have on your block. And if you're that mad that someone is having a big party in the street and listening to music and charging money and calling it a block party—then just HAVE A FUCKING BLOCK PARTY ON YOUR OWN PRECIOUS FUCKING BLOCK. recommended