You know, maybe I'll make several meat hands and take them to a party.

Men's Health has awarded this shake the title of Unhealthiest Drink in America.

Is this the worst drink on the planet? All signs point to yes. First off, it has an ingredient list that reads like an organic chemistry final. Those 70-plus ingredients conspire to pack this shake with more sugar than 29 Fudgsicles, as much fat as a stick and a half of butter, and more calories than 48 actual Oreos. Oh, it also has 3 days’ worth of saturated fat and, most bizarre of all, as much salt as you’ll find in 9 bags of Lay’s Classic potato chips.

But look at all that Calcium! And take heart, for it contains no crustaceans.

Oh well, I'm off to Molly Moons. Or Old-School Custard, maybe? Oh, there's that new Bluebird place, too! And soon, Trophy Cupcakes Cupcake Royale. Maybe I'll enter that giant burger contest. My arteries runneth over.

via @cabel and @TheSquare

Cupcakes and/or pizzas are treat enough. What drives me up the wall are the inevitable bottles of soda pop and/or boxes of brightly colored corn syrup (a.k.a. "juice") that get served with the cupcakes and/or pizzas. The kids are excited about the pizza and/or cupcakes. They won't miss the pop and/or "juice" if it isn't set out in front of them. It's possible to serve kids non-fat milk or even—oh, the humanity!—water with cupcakes and/or pizza. They won't riot.

Tips to Everything is Terrible!