The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper: Slog: Etiquette

I Shouldn't Do This...

Dan Savage — Mon, 06 May 2013 13:32:01 -0700

...but sometimes I can't help myself. An ongoing email exchange:

Hope you get AIDS Fagget

It's "faggot."—Dan

LOL commie

LOL illiteratie.—Dan

Best illiterate than a cock sucker with AID. Hope you get AID fag.

Let me help you with that: "Better illiterate than a cocksucker [one word!] with AIDS. Hope you get AIDS, fag."—Dan

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This Week in I, Anonymous: Nannies Bash Back

David Schmader — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 12:14:09 -0700

Dear family I nannied for: Thank you for firing me. Seriously. Because if you hadn't fired me for having my husband bring over a pizza (which he paid for with his own money) and our dog (which your kids love) for some Sunday night fetch, you probably would have fired me for some other ridiculous reason, like forgetting to polish the bars on the windows or neglecting to arm the land mines in the front yard after it got dark.

Just so you know: (1) I was GOING OUT OF MY WAY to do something nice for your children. I have worked with literally thousands of kids over the past 10 years, and not a single one of them has died or been raped or kidnapped while under my care. (2) I didn't invite a stranger into your house; I invited my husband of 10 years. Thanks for your faith in my taste in men. Clearly, I married him because he is a drunk, violent, murderous pedophile. (3) If you really think that I "betrayed your trust" and "invaded your home," then I truly feel sorry for you. You must live in a world so full of paranoia that you cannot sleep. If the bogeyman doesn't kill you, the stress certainly will...

Read the whole thing here.

Nun Guts—No, That's Not a Typo

Chicago Fan — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 14:13:54 -0800

It's things like this that make me proud to be of Irish descent. I think. The lede:

An Irish publican has been prosecuted after police found dozens of "nuns" drinking illegally, several hours past closing time on his premises.

Christy Walsh, who runs the bar in Listowel, County Kerry, has been fined a total of 700 euros (£605) after his pub was raided twice in one night.

He had helped to organise a charity event in the town last July, in which hundreds of people dressed up as nuns.

Begorra.

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Chinese Water Torture for Your Ears

David Schmader — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 11:57:24 -0800

This just in from Last Days' Hot tipper ArmadilloMeat:

Please allow me to take the horror of your public grooming stories to the next level: I was in a busy Capitol Hill salon, getting my hair done. This business has been a long-lived independent presence in the Broadway community, and given your popularity one would think that the world had been appropriately shamed into NOT CLIPPING YOUR GODDAM NAILS IN PUBLIC. But no: Every stylist in the house was busy save for one, who was sitting in the dryer chairs directly next to the front door clip-clip-clipping away, much to the chagrin of every customer, other stylist, and in particular the poor receptionist who looked like she wanted to die from a combination of repulsion and mortification.

Finally, another stylist went over and told her to stop. My point, though, being: who are these people? Who are not only these people who don't know it's inappropriate to clip your nails in public? I know you've been off the public grooming beat for a bit, but I would urge you to pleasepleaseplease, for humanity, call this woman out. I fear the forces of darkness will prevail if you don't.

Dear ArmadilloMeat: Your wish is my command.

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Fuck the Golden Globes

Chicago Fan — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 19:03:16 -0800

If you want more celebrity bullshit posts, post 'em. And please note that the two Seahawks posts were by regular actual employees of The Stranger, and one of them was so disdainful as to actually constitute a Golden Globes post.

And the Seahawks game was more important: There's a Golden Globes every year. The Seahawks do not make the post-season every year.

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Neighborhood Standoff: Central District

Derek Erdman — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 07:07:09 -0700

A friend of mine who lives near 23rd and Madison just captured this fascinating glimpse of modern life. We both agree on our favorite part of the footage, which happens at 4:06:

Lady #1: "I'm going to be the bigger person and move my car."
Lady #2: "Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch."

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When People on the the Internet (and Reddit in Particular) Don't Suck for a Minute

Anna Minard — Wed, 26 Sep 2012 16:38:38 -0700

Stranger alumnus/best friend/sister wife Lindy Motherfucking West brings us the best story on the interwebs all day. It starts like this:

A Reddit user going by the handle "european_douchebag" posted a surreptitious photo of a Sikh woman with the caption "i'm not sure what to conclude from this." The user's apparent confusion stems from the fact that the woman—bound by her religion not to cut her hair or alter her body—has an abundance of dark, untrimmed facial hair.

It continues with the woman from the photo, Balpreet Kaur, posting a reply on Reddit—a most eloquent and friendly and wonderful and informative reply, explaining her religious beliefs and reaching out to everyone who might have questions/comments for/about her.

By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it?

It ends, for now, with an also-great apology from the original poster.

Please go, now, READ THE WHOLE THING.

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The Nature of Lost Property

Charles Mudede — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 08:20:38 -0700

Lost sunglasses. Maybe they are in good condition. Maybe they will make me look cool.

But before I pick up the lost object, this thought appears in my head: it might, once in my possession, reveal itself (scratches, some missing something) to be junk. The problem with this is that once you pick up junk, it's your junk. And because I always put junk where it belongs, in a waste container (it's how I was socialized), I'll have to carry the damn thing around until I find a proper and socially responsible way to part with it. This sounds like a lot of trouble. There aren't many public waste containers in the area. It's better to leave the sunglasses there in the bush.

Suddenly I see two moments for a piece of junk to become yours. One is clear; the other is murky. One is the moment you pick it up; the other is the moment you recognize it. I recognized a piece of junk and didn't transport it to its proper place - a waste container. My entire walk to Columbia City Station was bothered by this thought, this newly discovered guilt.

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Secretary of State Sam Reed Wants You to Vote (for Bill Finkbeiner)

Goldy — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 15:01:09 -0700

I've received a couple tips about a robo-call that reportedly features Secretary of State Sam Reed. I'm told it starts off with him reminding you that the primary is this Tuesday, and instructing you to send in your ballot. You know, just the kind of civic minded public service message you'd expect from the secretary of state in his official capacity overseeing our state's elections.

And then, out of nowhere I'm told, he reminds you to vote for Republican Bill Finkbeiner for Lt. Governor.

Yikes. That sounds a tad inappropriate. Certainly more so than Rick Steves just reminding you to vote. But since I haven't heard the call myself, I'm hoping somebody who has it saved to voicemail might do me the favor of forwarding it my way.

UPDATE: Finkbeiner writes via email:

The Sam Reed call people received yesterday wasn’t a PSA, it was paid for by my campaign. I haven’t seen the Rick Steves PSA and don’t know anything about it, but it seems very different. Sam Reed has endorsed me and he and I worked closely together on the top two primary, so for him to ask people to vote for me in a message paid for by the campaign doesn’t seem to me to be controversial.

Well, I didn't mean to imply that it was a PSA, just that it comes off as one at the outset. I presumed it was paid for by a campaign, and identified as such at the end.

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Musings of an Unrepentant Squirm-Inducer

David Schmader — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 12:37:01 -0700

STEVEN WEISSMAN

This week in I, Anonymous:

I work as one of those "direct" fundraisers downtown. We're rewarded for getting in your space, forcing you to shake hands, and doing or saying whatever it takes to get you to give a complete stranger on the street your credit card or bank account number. Most of you don't even really seem to understand how much or how long you're going to pay—you're just so goddamned grateful to get away from me without feeling like a heartless, kitten-drowning, baby-starving, greed-riddled asshole. Why do I do it? Because I LOVE it. I love getting paid to make people uncomfortable. I love forcing my will on another human being. I love that I get to wrap my sadistic longings to control others in a blame-free shroud of sanctimonious self-righteousness and there's nothing you can do about it. The money's okay, I guess, but the truth is that I get this unbelievable rush every time one of you does exactly what I want....

Read the whole thing here.

Happy Birthday, Erin! (Or, This Is How You Start a Prank War...)

Anna Minard — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 15:51:35 -0700

Our lovely tech wizard Erin, who celebrated a birthday this weekend, was greeted by the most wonderful Monday-morning post-birthday sight:

ERIN RESSO
Happy Birthday!

Every postcard, every pen, even the computer cords, even the curtains. Erin spent the morning with a recycling bin. Now THAT is how you ~~celebrate a birthday~~ start a prank war! No word yet on how dear Erin plans to retaliate. Suggestions encouraged. The hooligans responsible are known to all (they left a signed card). More pictures are after the jump.

TRACEY CATALDO
EVERY PEN!

TRACEY CATALDO
Before.

TRACEY CATALDO
Close up.

TRACEY CATALDO
THE HOOLIGANS!!!

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"He was the only guy who was ever nice to me."

David Schmader — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 10:45:09 -0700

That's the heartbreaking explanation given by the 72-year-old woman who kept her dead boyfriend in a chair in her living room for two years.

Thank you, Slog Tipper Marti.

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Overheard in the Office

Gillian Anderson — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 12:29:38 -0700

"In every friendship, you have to figure out which one of you would be the parasitic twin."

Noted.

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Brian Brown Accepts My Invitation to Dinner

Dan Savage — Tue, 29 May 2012 16:50:47 -0700

Brian Brown, the head of the National Organization for Marriage, publicly challenged me to a debate in the wake of Bullshitgate. Brown said he would debate me "anytime, anywhere." Brown expected, no doubt, that I would pack a hall with hooting, hollering supporters of marriage equality who would boo and shout him down. (Which was probably what he was after—it would've allowed Brown to play the victim and complain about hypocritical, intolerant liberals.) Instead I invited Brown and his wife to come to dinner at my house and meet my husband and son. No booing crowd, no grandstanding. Dinner. I would have to acknowledge Brown's humanity by extending my hospitality, he would have to acknowledge mine by accepting my hospitality. After dinner, Mark Oppenheimer, a NYT journalist, would moderate an dinner-table debate about marriage, about equality, about the bible, and about religion. Today Brian Brown accepted my invitation to dinner:

So...

It looks like I'm gonna have to clear all the Catholic kitch out of our living room and dining room—my 5' plaster Jesus, our 3' plaster Mary, all my other plaster saints, the dozens of rosaries hanging around their plaster necks, the stack of disintegrating hymnals on the mantle, etc. Wouldn't want Brian to think there's something disrespectful about our collection. Our Catholic kitch is all family heirlooms. My late grandfather's rosaries, most of them prayed to pieces, were headed to the dump when I picked them out of the trash. But will knowing that my 5' plaster Jesus has been evacuated to our bedroom be more of a torment for Brian?

Details about the exact date and time of the Savage/Brown debate to come. The debate will be videotaped and released on YouTube. Stay tuned for more info...

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Grandpa Segal Would Like You to Be Quiet at the Rock Show

Grant Brissey — Sat, 12 May 2012 11:23:26 -0700

Read his plea here.

The Beastie Boys' Licensed to Ill Was Reportedly Supposed to be Called Don't Be a Faggot

Grant Brissey — Fri, 11 May 2012 16:19:08 -0700

But at least they apologized for such shit.

Are You Going to the May Day Protests?

Brendan Kiley — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 18:15:17 -0700

For some people, tomorrow is a big day: no work, no school, no banking, and no shopping as a protest about immigration policy, the wealth gap, and a bevy of other problems the demonstrators see with the status quo. Plus demonstrations. (Schedule here.)

The mayor seems a bit freaked out, anarchists seem resolved, and the city has announced that Second Avenue might be shut down tomorrow afternoon.

Last month, a Slog poll showed that 28% of you were planning to participate.

slog

How about now?

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Gabby Shrimpter and the Polite Interloper

Grant Brissey — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:54:52 -0700

More information here!

Got Herpes?

Dan Savage — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 15:09:23 -0700

You need read this piece.

I took a breath, let it out. I hate this part, I said to myself, possibly aloud. And then, definitely aloud: “I have herpes.”

Silence. The word had to be chased with something.

“But before you freak out,” I said as casually as I could, “let me tell you about it.”

“The transmission risks are tiny,” I started, and they are: about 2-4 percent from woman to man, depending on condom use. My risks are likely even lower; I got genital herpes from oral sex, and HSV-1 is even harder to transmit to a partner’s genital region. “And one in four or five people have it, even though most people don’t know since a standard STI test doesn’t test for it,” I said.

Silence. Wasn’t this dirty talk?

“It’s much harder for a woman to give it to a man, and to my knowledge, I’ve never given it to anyone,” I finished.

Go read the whole thing. Trust me. Right now. Everyone with herpes, everyone without it, and everyone with it who doesn't know it—everyone—needs to go read this piece. The concluding paragraph—and my thoughts about it—after the jump. (Via Sullivan.)

The piece ends with this:

In a world full of infinite partner choices, herpes had narrowed mine to the understanding, the open minded, the risk takers. I am now confined to partners who think my awesomeness eclipses my cellular flaw — so instead of killing my love life, herpes has weirdly deepened it.

I've said this for years to my friends with HIV: When you disclose your HIV status you're telling the dude one thing he needs to know about you—and the way the dude reacts tells you everything you need to know about him. Disclosing an STI can help a person find good, kind, considerate and thoughtful partners in a pile that includes so many unkind, paranoid, irrational and phobic assholes. It's a superpower.

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Nude but Not Lewd

Gillian Anderson — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:10:21 -0700

I'm not sure why I find it so satisfying, but I admire the guy who protested what he saw as unfair treatment by security by taking off all his clothes at the Portland Airport.

Slowly and calmly, the 49-year-old high-tech consultant took off all his clothes. Yes, even his socks… "He asked me to please not do this," John Brennan said. "He asked me to put my clothes on. I said I believed I had a right to be nude."

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Fran Lebowitz on Polar Fleece, Bears, People with Cell Phones, the Republican "Debates," and Jail

Christopher Frizzelle — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 11:04:12 -0800

If you haven't yet, take a second to read Bethany Jean Clement's hilarious interview with Fran Lebowitz, who appears at Benaroya Hall tomorrow night with Dan Savage (tickets still available). It begins:

How are you today?
Compared to who?

There is one thing you should know before you take the stage with Dan Savage: He hates cigarettes.
Yes, well, this puts him in the vast majority of middle-class householders. I don’t expect to be able to smoke on the stage, so he has no concerns.

In Seattle, we have no subways, cabs drive excruciatingly slow, people are unfailingly polite, it’s really hard to find a good deli sandwich, and smoking is tantamount to murder.
This smoking thing—the suburbs have won. It’s a suburban idea, though this idea has extended all over the country, and not just this country.

Are you aware of polar fleece? We have a lot of that here.
I am aware of it, because certainly, you must be aware that the ideas of places like Seattle have spread. Okay? What’s wrong with New York is Seattle.

People here are very invested in snow sports…
Yes, I know, I saw the people who died the other day in an avalanche. This has not dissuaded them, apparently. This is not dangerous, but sitting next to someone in a bar who smokes is dangerous. So clearly, it’s not danger that people fear.

Keep reading >>

Death Star Canteen

Gillian Anderson — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:00:06 -0800

For your afternoon distraction, Eddie Izzard (heart!) riffing on Darth Vader's trip to the Death Star canteen—animated in Legos!

"Did you dry these in a rain forest? Why, with the power of the Death Star, do we not have a tray that is fucking dry?!"

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In This Week's Paper: Is Roots Reggae Still Viable in 2012?

Grant Brissey — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:44:37 -0800

It's Charles Mudede vs. Dominic Holden in a DEATH MATCH.

That Damnable I-Phone Marimba Ringtone

Bethany Jean Clement — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 08:50:43 -0800

It echoes through the mind while reading this, whereas how many of us can instantly hear Mahler’s Ninth in our heads? (Not me.)

And an UPDATE with an explanation and apology from the front-row-seated culprit.

Thanks, Greg.
And thanks, stinkbug!

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"Not to Sound Racist, but..."

Anna Minard — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:45:13 -0800

I just finally found out about this meme that's been running around for the last month or so: "Shit Girls Say," which started as a surprisingly spot-on Twitter feed. It's really just a list of sentences that are often spoken by women. (Samples: "I hate the word 'moist'" and "Are we in a fight?" and "Lindsay, Matt's girlfriend, or Lindsay from yoga?") Simple, and somehow effective as shit at making me laugh. Then they made a series of YouTube videos, and then so did everyone and their sister/brother/grandma/dental hygienist. There was "Shit Black Girls Say," and a million dumb ones, and now—currently blowing up on the Facebook—the truly excellent "Shit White Girls Say... to Black Girls." For your viewing pleasure:

A lot of people find the original and/or its various incarnations not funny and/or offensive (the original was done by dudes, it uses the word "girls" instead of "women," etc.). But this one is pretty unimpeachably awesome.

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Tips for Your Holiday Office Party

Mary Traverse — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 13:13:43 -0800

Once again I'm grateful for a job that doesn't require advice like this:

If you're stuck conversing with a coworker or manager who's had too many drinks, Weintraub recommends walking away as soon as possible before the person gets even more intoxicated. Use your smartphone as an excuse, he suggests. "In a business setting, being careful that we are not associated with people saying or doing inappropriate things is always important in managing one's career."

I can be as drunk and inappropriate as I want in front of my boss at the holiday party because he is probably stoned and handing me Jell-O shots.

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You may not believe this, but at least my family has some boundaries.

Chicago Fan — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:19:30 -0800

But this takes the cake.

The headline kind of says it all:

"Man eats cocaine from brother's butt, dies."

As one commenter put it, "Crack kills."

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Why the Hell Have You People Not Read This Interview With Jane Birkin?

Grant Brissey — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:50:51 -0800

She talks about Serge Gainsbourg and is playing tomorrow night at the Neptune.

What Would Happen If There Was a Black Friday Doorbuster Sale on Pepper Spray?

Goldy — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:49:18 -0800

Discuss.

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A Critical Overview of This Week's Stranger

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:48:57 -0800

Click to enlarge.

If there is one thing The Stranger loves more than deviant sexual intercourse, it is legitimacy. Imagine the smug look of self-satisfaction on GOLDY's face, say, when he is mentioned in passing on a local political blog, or the sneering laughter that must have erupted from DAN SAVAGE's mouth when he saw that Seattle magazine, for reasons that I am sure involved blackmail, named him one of its men of the year. (That sneering laughter is presumably the most wholesome thing to come out of, or be deposited into, Mr. Savage's mouth in the last 30 years.) There is nothing more gratifying to a self-described outsider than to be embraced by the established, the respected, the mainstream.

Imagine the kind of raucous elation that has seized the three-story cardboard box known as Stranger headquarters, then, that the feature this week is a proposal for Occupy Wall Street written by one LAWRENCE WESCHLER. I do not know how The Stranger "landed" such a big name in liberal journalism—he is the author of many lauded books on politics and art and was a staff writer for 21 years at the New Yorker—but I presume the particulars include a bottle of chloroform and some rubber tubing. Perhaps someone lied to Mr. Weschler about the circulation, prestige, and per-word pay of The Stranger? If this is the case, I expect a rather dramatic lawsuit to erupt on the day Mr. Weschler opens an envelope expecting a sizable check and finds only a pair of expired Arby's coupons and a deflated balloon.

Elsewhere in this week's issue... NEWS: Another tired light-rail density fight? Check. More reckless blathering about the "need" for later bar hours? Check. Hysterical antibusiness braying about the supposed evil of plastic bags? No one ever tires of that! And still more propaganda in support of unlawful behavior on behalf of Occupy protesters, including a new battle cry to head to Olympia, of all places... LOOSE LIPS: This new gossip column on the art page takes voyeuristic glee in the burning down of a restaurant, among other news... VISUAL ART: A shut-in is declared a genius, and photos of his filthy Kleenexes are displayed where anyone can see them—which is to say, the art coverage this week is more disgusting than usual... BOOKS and THEATER: Pretentious... CHOW: A dessert for children is given a long, loving treatment by The Stranger's second-most-inept writer... FILM: A love letter to puppets, of all things, scratched out by The Stranger's most inept writer... MUSIC: Oh, grow up... SPORTS BLOTTER: The schadenfreude-powered weekly roundup of crimes committed by athletes now includes a Non-Pedophile Coach of the Week Award, noxiously... SAVAGE LOVE: I'd rather look at those photographs of mucus-stained tissues again than read it.

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