Comments On: Her Uncertainty by Charles Mudede

Re: Her Uncertainty

EmilyP — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:26:00 -0800

I've accepted that Charles is a douche, but the thought of him raising a kid who has to listen to his drivel and be subjected to his judgment is actually upsetting.
Posted by EmilyP

Re: Her Uncertainty

Parker — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:03:48 -0800

What a great way to get parenting advice, post an issue on the Slog and see what people have to say about it.

Grow up.
Posted by Parker

Re: Her Uncertainty

Christy O — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 07:18:54 -0800

I click on every CM post's comments in hopes of seeing Mudedoppelganger. Hilariously-done, dude.

And uh, Charles? Lay off the kid. I totally agree with @8 - this is not a yes or no question.
Posted by Christy O

Re: Her Uncertainty

east coaster — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:51:10 -0800

#3 for the win!
Posted by east coaster

Re: Her Uncertainty

smittyclone.blogspot.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 22:27:45 -0800

I think lots of us have an unfair belief about the loss of innocence in children. That from the moment they're introduced into the world, they're immediately sliding down a gradual yet steady slope of corruption.

I work with kids daily aged 6 to 16, and though I used to have the above opinion, it's rapidly changed. They're blank slates for a good long while. And usually perceptive and wise beyond their own recognition. Your daughter's statement is yet more proof of this. I kind of want to meet and hang out with her.

Listen harder to the snow globe comments, and put less pressure on her self analysis.
Posted by smittyclone.blogspot.com

Re: Her Uncertainty

jimmy — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:48:47 -0800

Sounds like a desperate need for affirmation on your part Charles. Wait until she is a teen-ager, then ask, if you can handle it.
Posted by jimmy

Re: Her Uncertainty

WOW — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:56:24 -0800

YOU HAVE A CHILD?!?!?!? And no one has taken it away from you yet? What the fuck is wrong with social services in that state you people live in?
Posted by WOW

Re: Her Uncertainty

call child services — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:53:01 -0800

FUCK, you must be the most disturbing dad.
Posted by call child services

Re: Her Uncertainty

tomasyalba — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:33:08 -0800

Why did this post not spur me to think I could raise that girl better? I must be a poor reader, or would be a poor parent, or maybe I was raised wrong myself.
Posted by tomasyalba

Re: Her Uncertainty

Timrrr — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:19:13 -0800

Be very wary of where you tread in your quest for your child's self-knowledge, Charles. Childhood is the bliss of that na�ve, selfless wonder.

Be patient.

At present she cavorts in the Eden of innocence and her reply is that of an imagined pre-Fall Eve asked of Adam, "So what do you think of this place, huh?"

Do not forget that the transgression that brought paradise crashing down around the mythic pair was not a disobedience, as some would encourage you to believe, but rather that they chose to "eat of the fruit of The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil" and with it became as gods, incapable of innocent, unmediated experience of the Now, the innocent banished from Paradise by knowledge of "paradise"; of the distinction between their present boundless happiness and the sadness that may well follow.

Why, Charles, would you be in such a hurry to feed your own spawn this poison fruit?

Make her self-aware and, yes, she will have knowledge -- but only at the cost of her now easy, "childlike" access to real Truth.

When she can no longer experience the world openly, unimpeded by the filters of Self and its doubts, she will be able to give answer to your weighty questions. When she can hold childhood in her hand, turn it over and examine it from all sides, you will have an answer. And she will at that moment have "childhood" forever after as a thing to know, to ponder over, reminisce and think about -- yet never again as an experience to simply enjoy.

Be patient, Charles. Her self knowledge will come all too soon and without your urging. And then both of you can, together, morn the loss of that child that you once were.

Posted by Timrrr

Re: Her Uncertainty

mj — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:15:53 -0800

Why don't you know the answer to that question?

If she says it is sad what are you going to do about it?

The fact that she does no think about it is the best answer she can give you.

Posted by mj

Re: Her Uncertainty

raisedbywolves — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:14:42 -0800

What. The. Fuck.

If this story is true you seriously need to rethink what childhood is all about. Come on, think about it.
Posted by raisedbywolves

Re: Her Uncertainty

Mudedoppelganger — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:37:10 -0800

I can't tell if this post is sarcastic or not, Mudede.
Either way, I can't shake the feeling your "daughter" is really just a cantaloupe in a wig with a calculator taped to it.

"Excuse me, sir, I need you to leave the Baby GAP. There have been complaints."
"I hear it, your request. The clarity of your secession is a bronze and oiled tongue across my foot. *holds up cantaloupe* Jessica is dreaming, and her dream is topless America as a child, bleeding from her teeth (medical nemesis) as a ruby comes (the release) from her navel."
Posted by Mudedoppelganger

Re: Her Uncertainty

Joel Bass — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:09:59 -0800

I think you can ask someone if they are currently happy or sad, but you can't very well ask someone if their life is happy or sad, because it's too big of a question, not lending itself to a simple answer.

And children don't know what is meant by "childhood," how could they? They're too busy figuring out how the world works, what's normal, what's not, what society wants from them, etc. Most children think their parents are "normal," until they start to get to know other kids families. It's all about comparison and hindsight, two things kids are lacking in.

If that's her at her worst, you lucked out. Enjoy the conversation and don't inject too much of your own neuroses into it.
Posted by Joel Bass

Re: Her Uncertainty

elenchos — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:08:18 -0800

I agree with Charles. She is failing at childhood. I'd be disappointed too.
Posted by elenchos

Re: Her Uncertainty

Charles Muhdik — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:02:11 -0800

Maybe you should show her some of your animal-fucking movies, Muhdik.
Posted by Charles Muhdik

Re: Her Uncertainty

Charles Muhdik — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:01:05 -0800

Great job, Muhdik! You are well on your way to fucking up you daughter. Bet you try to fuck her too.
Posted by Charles Muhdik

Re: Her Uncertainty

You twat — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:00:34 -0800

Your kid is smart.

You are a fucking moron. What's wrong with you? Are you just a troll who somehow manages to get paid?
Posted by You twat

Re: Her Uncertainty

You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:49:54 -0800

@3 for the win
Posted by You_Gotta_Be_Kidding_Me

Re: Her Uncertainty

treacle — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:39:46 -0800

I have to agree with #1 and #2. She's seven. Her childhood is not over, how can you seriously ask if "her childhood was happy"?

In fact, her answer is clear: She doesn't know. A perfectly valid and honest answer.

I understand that you might be trying to encourage self-awareness, a valid goal for a parent, but the more you continue to ask her that same question --I would humbly suggest-- the more you will never get the answer you are actually looking for, and only create a frustrating situation for the both of you, limiting self-awareness.

You are asking essentially a 'yes or no' question ('happy or sad', select one), but the answer will never be 'yes' or 'no'. At 38 I cannot answer yes or no to that same question. Can you answer it with an unqualified single word reply? I will wager that you would not.

You already have her answer. It's a real answer.
Accept it.
Posted by treacle

Re: Her Uncertainty

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:38:45 -0800

Everyone already said it: Let her live her childhood instead of examining it. You're the one who's making her miss her childhood by forcing her to examine whether her childhood is happy or not. A happy childhood is something that you look back upon, not something you're aware of as it's happening. Let her be happy in the moment and when she's an adult she can tell you whether it was happy or not.
Posted by N

Re: Her Uncertainty

molly — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:36:22 -0800

I actually think her answer is very profound, and amazingly mature for such a young kid. I can imagine that it's a kind of hard answer to hear, as her parent, because you'd want the reply to be an emphatic "Happy!" But the motivation behind her answer seems to be exactly what you're wanting her to realize: that her childhood is something she's experiencing right now, and that it's not over yet. And also, while most of us who didn't have terrible childhoods would say that they were happy, that's really just because they weren't overwhelmingly sad. Childhood, like the rest of life, isn't all one thing or the other-- and, like most of the rest of life, it's can't really be grasped until after it's over. Living in the moment, while maintaining the objectivity to appreciate the moment, is pretty tricky. I don't think I was able to do it until I was about 17, and even that took some extraordinary circumstances.
Aaaaand I'll stop pontificating now. And apologize if it seems presumptuous to tell you about your own kid.
Posted by molly

Re: Her Uncertainty

Julie in Chicago — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:33:23 -0800

I don�t know� once she gets older she�ll be doing plenty of self-examination (particularly if the apple hasn�t fallen far). I think perhaps that if I had done less self-examination and navel-gazing in the past 15 years, I would have been a happier person (in other words, self-examination does not necessarily lead to happiness).

Let her be a kid and just be, as opposed to thinking about whether she is happy or not. With the latter, she might decide that she is not happy, and, as a child, she has limited opportunities to change her circumstances. In the former, she just gets to be happy or unhappy with each moment. And if she is unhappy more than she is happy, she will not know it.
Posted by Julie in Chicago

Re: Her Uncertainty

Don't Ruin It For Her — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:32:48 -0800

Charles, you're 100% wrong. As soon as a child grasps its childhood, childhood is over. That's the loss of innocence, the fall.
Posted by Don't Ruin It For Her

Re: Her Uncertainty

robotslave — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 14:32:45 -0800

Ah.

So she is at her best when she processes unfamiliar experience in terms of capitalist kitsch, and at her worst when she angers her father by parroting his reflexive penchant for question and uncertainty over answer and conviction.

The children, they are always exactly what the parents deserve.
Posted by robotslave