http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/07/08/savage-love-letter-of-the-day Comments On: Savage Love Letter of the Day by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2009 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:01 -0800 Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:00:00 -0800 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by french booty lover]]> Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:06:03 -0700 The Stranger Posted by human]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:52:08 -0700 The Stranger
If she can't be totally honest with her parents, she's not mature enough to be doing shit like this. I don't see any details about her actually having somewhere else to stay, or having a lot of contacts in France, people who could help her, and look out for her.

I love Dan, and usually I agree with him, but if he had given this advice to my daughter, I'd freak. I'd want her to be honest, and I might not agree with her, but if she were an adult, I'd let her go, but at least talk to her about the best route to take, how to play it safe, and stay in touch with me so I know where she is, and hopefully, that she is safe.

It's dangerous enough to meet someone in the same city. Bad advice.


Posted by Charm]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 10:35:52 -0700 The Stranger Posted by sadini]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 10:05:09 -0700 The Stranger
There is a difference between eliciting advice in a honest way (ie giving all of the facts, like the fact that the guy is married and that you never really ever had any intention of going ) and blatantly leaving out facts, glorifying the situation as a means to get your letter into the paper.

The advice that Dan gave was good advice, to the original question, however the original question was dishonest and left out situational facts that would have changed the advice given.

Therefore she wasted Dan's time in obtaining advice for the situation that she presented, but, perhaps, not in the respect that his advice may fall on the ears of someone who actually needs it.
Posted by Take it all in]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 09:30:05 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Phiadria]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 09:30:02 -0700 The Stranger
And that advice was very bad. Lying to parents and flying thousands of miles away to have sex with a stranger you met on line and know nothing about (even if he's not a married asshole) is stupid.
Posted by Charm]]> Thu, 09 Jul 2009 07:30:45 -0700 The Stranger Posted by waffre]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 23:25:02 -0700 The Stranger Posted by regretful]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 23:11:32 -0700 The Stranger Posted by DJDeeJay]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:24:02 -0700 The Stranger
And people wonder why bi girls more often than not gravitate toward the boys. Sometimes--though we may prefer women aesthetically--we prefer our own sanity even more.
Posted by jade]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:19:08 -0700 The Stranger Before I left, someone mentioned to me that he had a boyfriend. I tried confirming it with my friend, but he said it was just "a really good friend."
When I got back home, that same someone reiterated the boyfriend status and I asked again. My friend said that they've known each other for 3 years (first I've known about this guy). I spazzed, panicked, etc. He said that he wanted to tell me when I was there, but I "looked so sweet sleeping there" that he "couldn't bear to tell me." But he said he didn't want to lose my friendship.
All of last year during my failures, he said he was going to visit me here in America. That fell through but he continued to promise it this year. I asked him why I was priority over his boyfriend and he stated that he visited the guy last year and the boyfriend was going to see him within a couple of weeks. I spazzed again. This is one of the sweetest guys, but obviously not too bright about a few things. I don't believe for an instant anything he's said or hasn't said to me with malice.
First I told him that I wouldn't be able to handle him visiting me, but he restated that he really doesn't want to lose my friendship. I'm scared that if/when he does visit, we're going to have sex again - something that I know I emotionally can't handle but am so starved for someone good in my life right now, that I'll let it.
But since I calmed down, I've partly realized my place in his life. I emailed him asking to state, specifically, where I stand in his life and what my boundaries with him are. Out of everyone I've had relations with, he's the only one who expressed interest in visiting me whereas before, I was driving 6+ hours to everyone else (yay friends-of-friends-of-friends clusterfuck).

So since I've [finally] accepted where I don't belong in his life and what my limit to him is, Do I or Don't I let him visit?
Posted by Drew2u]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:09:10 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Sili]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:28:22 -0700 The Stranger Left 4 Dead, in which four survivors fight their way through zombie-infested no-mans-land in cinematic style. From a gamer's perspective, this L4D is unique in that it creates strong incentive to keep everybody else alive whenever possible. And that includes saving n00bs who really don't know what they're doing.

N00bs are beginners, who don't know much about the game, that could be described by some as fucking stupid. And they do.

The role I've taken in this game (and quite enjoy), is educating n00bs to the nuances of game, including:

~ ways to fuck up that can easily be avoided,

~ ways to fuck up that'll probably get you (and, consequently, the rest of us) killed, and

~ game details that are easy to miss, but make you significantly more valuable to the team if you know about them.

In short, I take pride in elevating these kids to just out of the n00b threshold.

That said, part of Dan's role as a sex advice columnist is to educate and elevate his writers (and many more of his readers) out of the n00b threshold. When on The Colbert Report Dan stated as one of his ambitions is to inform the heterosexual public where the clitoris is on a girl, a knowledge of which pushes one towards the edge (if not out) of the n00b threshold.

Hence, I think it's a fine thing that Dan field these kinds of questions from time to time.
Posted by Uriel-238]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:04:01 -0700 The Stranger
Needless to say, it didn't work out. At least I got a trip to Paris out of the deal.
Posted by arts&letters]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:55:38 -0700 The Stranger Posted by JF]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:47:58 -0700 The Stranger Posted by lily]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:46:12 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Urgutha Forka]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:39:06 -0700 The Stranger
This is one of those times.
Posted by Will in Seattle]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:29:15 -0700 The Stranger Posted by diggum]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:28:31 -0700 The Stranger Posted by T]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:15:41 -0700 The Stranger
Thanks for the advice. Sorry I WASTED YOUR TIME ...

Sincerely,
Dipshit"
Posted by Take it all in]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:03:59 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:59:23 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Confluence]]> Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:53:10 -0700 The Stranger