http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/07/02/defense-of-marriage-asshole Comments On: Defense Of Marriage Asshole by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2009 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:00:01 -0800 Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:00:00 -0800 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by kersy]]> Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:34:55 -0700 The Stranger
The reason why people insist on getting "married" even though they don't want to enter a "marriage" as defined by a church or someone else is that "marriage" has become a legal institution necessary to people of a number of different prerogatives. I am glad to live in a place where domestic partnership is open to everyone and confers almost all the rights of marriage on the happy couple (yes, even tax benefits, and health benefits if you work for the District), but federal law does not recognize this and other states don't recognize this and so if I were to move or have a large estate or work for the federal government my partner would not receive all the same benefits as he would if we were married. (Aside: I am not yet domestically partnered, but hope to be some day!)

Get religion out of the government's definition of "partners" and the state out of whatever churches want to do and I, for one, will shut up and be happy and stop insisting on infringing on your right to be "married" under your own rules.

Oh yeah, and I'm monogamous. I don't get jealous, but I *also* don't have the time or energy for more than one partner. As for the BF, well, there was something about "I get more than my manwhore friends, what's to complain about?" ;) Given that he's honest and smart and responsible, if he wanted some variety we could probably work that out.

Finally, I just have to say that if people didn't take "traditional marriage" to an extreme, they would be a lot happier and possibly less likely to cheat. I don't have time for more than one partner because I have a career, friends, hobbies, interests, and personal distractions that I like to indulge in once in a while. Meanwhile, my married friends sit at home and stare at the TV all evening (not that there's anything wrong with that if you really love TV, but these people are channel surfing and complaining that nothing's on). Moreover, as a number of commenters have noted here (mostly in the most offensive ways), a lot of people get married to make them feel better about themselves. More stable and secure and less lonely. Boy, if there wasn't a worse way to live your life! If you enjoy yourself and your personal time, you don't need someone else there with you. Please don't take this as bashing the polys here...nothing wrong with that, just pointing out that many people who "cheat" (which is qualitatively different from "being open") aren't happy with themselves.
Posted by Ms. D]]> Tue, 07 Jul 2009 13:35:24 -0700 The Stranger Posted by allieballie]]> Mon, 06 Jul 2009 01:21:05 -0700 The Stranger
A friend of mine just alerted me to this being covered at: Jezebel.com

http://jezebel.com/5306546/author-asks-i…

Looks as though David is getting the same reception as from Slog Bloggers.
Posted by Frau Blucher]]> Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:01:02 -0700 The Stranger Posted by jkm]]> Sat, 04 Jul 2009 00:31:15 -0700 The Stranger
1. Dan has made it a point to say, on MANY occasions, that monogamy CAN work and that he DOESN'T think all committed relationships should be open. Just the ones that need to be.

2. While I'm sure gay couples in general are more likely to do the open thing, it's by no means a rule; my husband and I have an open relationships, while all the gay couples I know are exclusive sexually (and can't understand how we do what we do).
Posted by laurelgardner]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:28:34 -0700 The Stranger But what's it like when you're alone with your thoughts, and those thoughts are of nothing but your man getting plowed by someone else?

It's just like my favorite sexual fantasies, actually! :-)
Posted by Missy Miss]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:46:49 -0700 The Stranger
The irony is that they seem to objectify women more than normal guys.

AND THEY WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT THE WOMEN THEY SLEPT WITH.

Day and night, on the prowl ...

christ.

In defense of nonmonogomy. In a lot of respects, i'm a rather modest guy with a jelousy streak. I couldn't handle an open relationship. I wouldn't be enthusiastic about sharing my beautiful wife (whoever she may be). I woulnd't be enthusiastic of having myself compared or risk losing my wife to someone else. I also don't want to open the relationship up, so my wife could tramp around, while I'm more or less alone. I troll the internet, mostly because science is an isolating environment I work in. I know I'm not "unattractive" but still, no strings attached sex ... WAY WAY WAY more accesable for women than men. Unless you are really willing to lower your standards and/or crush some hearts.

With that said, that would most likely be the first decade of marriage. If it makes it that long, then there has got be comfort level and trust that has got to be built up more than a simple level of trust. Maybe after a decade, we could be confident in our commitment that a certain level of openness would make sense.

Even at that, life goes on. There is more to life than sex. It would be a beautiful world if we could wake every day and fuck each others brains out, but society needs to function. We need jobs, we need food, we need to see our friends and family, and tend to the children (if we even want them.) I don't see society planning the neighborhood/company orgy every weekend any time soon.
Posted by former tri-state]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 14:41:30 -0700 The Stranger Posted by JunieGirl]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:28:05 -0700 The Stranger
You're fat. And you've adjusted to the best you can get so well that you actually believe yourself.
Posted by It's obvio]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:00:46 -0700 The Stranger Posted by dwight moody]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:50:52 -0700 The Stranger
I agree. No one wants a jealous fish wife who freaks out every time a PYT in a bikini or short skirt passes by or gives a friendly gesture. No woman wants a jealous husband, and it is well known that unhealthy envy can cause abuse both for men and women. I point out cute girls and guys to my man and he just laughs and does the same. Of course, we also pick out goofier or more bizarre folks for the lulz. Its just silly to get caught up if you are serious. Crushes and flings come and go, but a partner is lifelong and has no need to worry unless its just not meant to be.
Posted by NumberOne]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:08:30 -0700 The Stranger Posted by NumberOne]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:58:11 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Dr James]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:43:37 -0700 The Stranger
@3 Our marriage vows didn't include anything about monogomy

@60 everyone has their own definition of marriage. You condem my open marriage, and Dan's homosexual marriage. But know this; there are people out there who condemn your idea of mariage as hopelessly permissive and depraved too, (e.g. arrainged mariages, man as the "lord of the house" types, and so on).

@swinging lady: Hey you sound like my type (guiltlessly, honestly, and ethically non-monogomous). Shoot me an email, and maybe we can have a drink! sl.3.ohthetrees@spamgourmet.com
Posted by ohthetrees]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:42:34 -0700 The Stranger Posted by crownhill]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:22:49 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Vince]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 08:01:06 -0700 The Stranger
But ya know what, you've probably had a sex with more people than I have.
Posted by Swingin' Lady]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:56:47 -0700 The Stranger Posted by slaggy]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:49:36 -0700 The Stranger Posted by gayatheist]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:08:39 -0700 The Stranger Some individuals are not desirable enough to hold on to a long-term partner, allowing the partner to stray at will is seen by some as better than having no partner at all.
This is especially true in the body image obsessed male homosexual culture where a man's stock starts plunging once he hits 40.
Posted by CaliHomo]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:53:53 -0700 The Stranger I'm just a slut.
With a heart of gold ; )
Posted by Swingin' Lady]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:40:14 -0700 The Stranger Any "design for life" that requires people to ignore/deny basic facts of what it means to be human, or of human flaws and weaknesses, is doomed to fail, and to cause a great deal of misery in so doing. If you want to be a moron, fine. But don't expect me to be a moron to keep you company.
Posted by YTAH]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 03:17:36 -0700 The Stranger
But what's it like when you're alone with your thoughts, and those thoughts are of nothing but your man getting plowed by someone else?

Not fun, right? But I guess it's worth it to be on the cutting edge...
Posted by Frank Sinclair]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:53:14 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Lovescock]]> Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:12:24 -0700 The Stranger