http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/03/14/sl-letter-of-the-day-barely-legal Comments On: SL Letter of the Day: Barely Legal by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Sat, 18 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Sat, 18 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by JHERR]]> Mon, 15 Apr 2013 00:11:52 -0700 The Stranger When you take a break , go and click some advertises and make some tasks, i use clixsens for 1 hour a day, and I earn about 100 dolars in first week.After you create an acount , invite some friends to join this.you will earn comission from their earnings.
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Posted by Christian87]]> Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:30:18 -0700 The Stranger
I'll admit that I really don't understand the point you're trying to make here.

Is it that she was under 18 when they met?

In that case, it all depends on where they live. In the majority of states the age of consent for sex is 16.

Even those states that have an age of consent of 18 often have exceptions when the older person is not that much older. Florida is an example of this.

I think that perhaps one of the reasons that people get mixed up with 18 is that you must be 18 to appear in porn. Also, most porn is produced in California where the age of consent is 18 anyway.

Crazy thing about California, if a 17 year old girl and a 17 year boy have sex then they can BOTH be prosecuted.
Posted by Me1]]> Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:21:47 -0700 The Stranger
The age difference is not as large--five years--as many are treating it. Even though it started when the younger woman was a teenager, and I'll concede that the difference between 16 and 21 is much bigger than the difference between 21 and 26, it isn't like the lw was a middle-aged woman preying on a teenager when they began.

We have no idea why the younger woman doesn't have "friends she could move in with." None. We don't even know what that means. It could be that all of her friends are living in conditions under which they can't extend that level of hospitality; it could be the GFBG's mistaken perception; it could be that the 21's closest friend, with whom she could move in, in a heartbeat, is studying abroad for a year.

GFBG seems to be worried, possibly guilty, about how this woman will take the breakup, in which case, she seems to be trying to do the right thing.
Posted by nocutename]]> Sun, 17 Mar 2013 17:41:16 -0700 The Stranger
The kicker was: flashing forward almost a decade post-divorce I found myself with the shoe on the other foot: I was on a date with a young lady about half my age. And I really kind of just struggled with it. I obeyed the campfire rule, didn't really do more than try to have a nice evening, but I was left thinking: who could possibly have a relationship of equals with someone who is so much less experienced? Who would want it? How would you relate to them? Smart, attractive, mature young lady, but wow...just a kid! No, the plural of anecdote is not data, but yeah, this kind of dynamic is questionable.

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with spring-autumn relationships which are casual (or sexual) but yeah, not a monopoly like that.
Posted by AFinch]]> Sat, 16 Mar 2013 06:58:15 -0700 The Stranger Posted by vennominon]]> Sat, 16 Mar 2013 05:07:04 -0700 The Stranger
As for age-differences with teenagers, my opinion is that it's scuzzy. I understand that options can be more limited for same-sexers, but I question why an adult would want to be in a relationship with a high-schooler. It just doesn't seem like they're "ripe" yet in terms of personality and maturity, and I wonder why a mentally-competent adult would put up with that unless the teenager was either insanely hot or the adult wanted to take advantage of their naivete or impulsiveness.
Posted by alguna_rubia]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 23:46:56 -0700 The Stranger
Anecdotes don't prove your point.
Posted by Snarky]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:13:35 -0700 The Stranger
I was 16 when I met the woman who I spent 4 years with. I was already out to my family, friends and high school (yep, in 1985 that was big fun, you're welcome kids!) when we met. She was literally speechless when I revealed that I was traveling on fake ID in that bar, right before I took her home to meet my parents.

There were plenty of things about that relationship that were imperfect, and probably some things that I'm still too fucked up to know were fucked up. But we're still friends. She's my kid's godmother, and a friend to my wife of 18 years. Did it work out great for us both? No, tougher for her than for me, because breaking up is harder at 25 than at 20.

College should result in at least one long-term friendship, regardless of the older lover, and if it hasn't so far, THAT's the problem. Not the age difference.
Posted by PhoenixRising]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 19:07:39 -0700 The Stranger
Posted by vennominon]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 17:47:22 -0700 The Stranger
Have there ever been such relationships that worked out okay for all involved? Sure. But the older person looking to young teenagers for love is hardly in an objective place to evaluate whether the kid is mature enough to come into this as an equal, given that "old enough" is equated with "does exactly what I want them to do." Anecdotally, when people comment in SLlotd about relationships with an older lover that they feel fine about looking back, they usually note that from here they do see the older person as kinda scuzzy and wonder what they were thinking.
Posted by IPJ]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 15:10:59 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Ibentrudaropes]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 14:46:16 -0700 The Stranger Posted by SoapMacTavish]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 13:54:00 -0700 The Stranger
Here's a fun fact for you:
Consent does not negate statutory rape.
Posted by Homosexual Rape? For shame, tut-tut, etc.]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 13:04:26 -0700 The Stranger
@30, 32 Please don't feed the troll. You have treat them like children having a temper tantrum - just ignore them until it stops.
Posted by smajor82]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 12:17:30 -0700 The Stranger
Not sure who is creepier - the older or the younger - but definitely, break up now...no more financial support, no nothing. If she doesn't have someone she feels comfortable crashing with, this will motivate her to get out there and find someone. This is better even if you are kind of obligated to provide support.
Posted by AFinch]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 11:10:11 -0700 The Stranger
I am inherently wary of people like that.
Posted by Helix]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 11:09:13 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Indighost]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 11:08:00 -0700 The Stranger
Suppose that:
a) author was just barely 26
b) partner was very nearly 22
c) "five years" was really more like "4.8 years"

In this (perhaps optimistic) case, their ages would have been 17 and 21 at the start, which does pass the "half plus seven" rule that another poster brought up.

Heck, at 17, should *could* have been a college freshman. Early graduation is not that uncommon. At 21, the author was probably a college senior. A senior/freshman romance. Oh the humanity!
Posted by Zarathud]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:35:01 -0700 The Stranger Posted by agony]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:31:20 -0700 The Stranger Posted by beccoid]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 10:20:38 -0700 The Stranger
But I appreciate your comment about power. On the other hand, there are many opportunities one can't pursue if one is working 30+ hours a week and going to school at the same time, including internships in many fields.
Posted by cracked]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:52:28 -0700 The Stranger
The LW could be a perfectly nice person, but... this all reeks to me of a controlling person grooming a 16-year-old kid to the point that the older person becomes that kid's whole world. And just when the younger person in the relationship is on the verge of achieving the kind of independence that would allow her to become a fully functional adult, whaddya know? The older person suddenly loses interest.

I don't think some modest financial support would have been out of line at all, but the LW should otherwise have had the grace to completely exit her partner's life.
Posted by JrzWrld]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 08:04:11 -0700 The Stranger
18/23, I don't think anyone is calling the young person a lazy parasite. Rather that the older person's concern that young person probably can't find a roommate or a job seems diminishing to her. As though there might be a pattern of telling young person she can't make it on her own, inconvenient now that old person wants a break from young person.

And the reason there is usually not a large one-way transfer of funds between friends is power. Friendship is a relationship between equals, and financial support is a relationship with a dependent.
Posted by IPJ]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 06:05:01 -0700 The Stranger
What the fuck Dan!? The ex could do the "right thing" and pay an extra month's rent; or pay the moving costs for the younger girl to move into a smaller/cheaper apartment. But six months? Good god! It doesn't take that long to get a job at McDonald's
Posted by fetish]]> Fri, 15 Mar 2013 05:53:14 -0700 The Stranger