http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/02/24/sl-letter-of-the-day-boys-2-men Comments On: SL Letter of the Day: Boys 2 Men by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Wed, 22 May 2013 11:30:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss When you take a break , go and click some advertises and make some tasks, i use clixsens for 1 hour a day, and I earn about 100 dolars in first week.After you create an acount , invite some friends to join this.you will earn comission from their earnings.
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Posted by Christian87]]> Thu, 28 Mar 2013 05:45:38 -0700 The Stranger
It would be weird if they were all peers working at a pizza place, and even then I'd find it odd that it was the 14 year olds, not even driving for a couple more years, who were putting the moves on someone a decade older. 24 to 14 is a big decade.
Posted by IPJ]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 14:09:09 -0800 The Stranger
"C'mon. People are not magically transformed in fully functional adults capable of handling a moderately challenging interpersonal encounter on their 18th Birthday."

This.

To a certain extent age of consent is arbitrary, but IMHO any responsible, mature adult realizes that a teenager's first relationships should be with peers, not people with whom there is a vast difference in power/age/experience. While not all adult-teen relationships end badly, and in not all cases does the younger party feel victimized, there is a huge potential for abuse.
Posted by shurenka]]> Tue, 26 Feb 2013 07:12:34 -0800 The Stranger Posted by vennominon]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:42:28 -0800 The Stranger
I don't think it's wrong for a 27 year old to hook up with an 18 year old, b/c like Dan said if someone is old enough to enlist and risk getting limbs blown off, they're certainly old enough to get blown by a hot cougar or puma. Personally, when I was in my teens and 20's I always dated older, but I completely understand why she would be attracted to a hot, young, athletic guy.

I'm pretty sure this lady shouldn't be teaching teenage students if this is how she thinks. It doesn't seem like she has very good boundaries. She should find another job before she does something stupid and wrecks her life. I hooked up with my boss when I was 27, so it's somewhat hypocritical of me to lecture anyone about boundaries. However, my boss was in his 40's, so it wasn't like we were breaking the law or doing anything immoral/predatory.
Posted by Bad Teacher]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:33:51 -0800 The Stranger Posted by anon1234567890]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:00:10 -0800 The Stranger
She should wait a little bit -- and dive in when they're 20. It's an arbitrary number, but it's just enough cushion to protect both of them. If the kids are as great as she says they are, they'll still be around and they'll still be interested.
Posted by HersheyHigh]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:36:33 -0800 The Stranger
Lady, don't be a shallow perv. They are lot and lots of attractive men who have never been your student and who are 21 and over. You might even consider selecting sexual partners and playmates on criteria slightly less shallow than how 'hot' they look.

Full disclosure: At 14-16 years old, I was the target of my 55-year-old teacher's sexual fixation. Whispered affections and furtive touching during class escalated over the two years to a rape attempt when I was taking a makeup exam. I was telling him to stop all along. I was afraid to blow the whistle since even my friends didn't want to believe it. Also the Vice Principal was well known to be dating/sleeping with girls at the school. I looked like an adult at 14, but I wasn't. I didn't have the social skill, the judgement, the maturity, the confidence, or the authority. The year after I left, two girls came forward separately with similar stories and he was charged. Turns out girls had been reporting him FOR 15 YEARS and they did nothing. This is a public high school in an affluent, progressive Southern California town. I never came forward myself and I'm still scarred by it 30 years later.


Posted by TheOtherWoman]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:33:40 -0800 The Stranger
I agree the LW is creepy, and I agree that her riposte "try again when you're 18" was much too provocative and encouraging to be directed to 14 year old boys over whom she had a power relationship.

But sometimes former students marry their former teachers. If she waits until they're 20 or 21, and is thinking relationship rather than a bunch of hot flings, then she just possibly might be able to very selectively act on her temptation without being a totally irresponsible asshole.
Posted by Functional Atheist]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:32:40 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Write or Wrong]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 11:17:50 -0800 The Stranger Posted by cpt. tim]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 09:43:04 -0800 The Stranger On a creepy side note, the principal was a predatory open homosexual. A good friend of mine went to his place once and described to me how he had a hot tub and every drug you could have imagined. This was when we were Jrs. I knew what he described was wrong but I so naive at the time, I didn't realize how wrong it was and we should have reported the creep
Posted by Puckerd Poop Chute]]> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 08:25:09 -0800 The Stranger Posted by I Fucked Your Dad]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 22:00:21 -0800 The Stranger
And Mr Savage is not (quite) in the Mutton Dressed as Lamb category, surely? Anyway, even taking into account those who overdo it and go beyond the benign range, as a whole that group is preferable to a lot of groups of people who act their age.
Posted by vennominon]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 20:51:38 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Canadian Nurse]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 19:53:27 -0800 The Stranger what this teacher did was absolutely grooming...To be clear, grooming is a form of sexual abuse in and of itself.

You think "try again when you're 18" is sexual abuse?

That is sad.
Posted by seandr]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:55:16 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Knat]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:02:31 -0800 The Stranger Posted by JrzWrld]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 15:30:07 -0800 The Stranger
Relationships with power dynamics are NOTHING like relationships without. This person should not be teaching. She is obviously dangerously selfish and immature. Predator is the right word.
Posted by ams_]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 15:15:23 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Sargon Bighorn]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 14:29:53 -0800 The Stranger
Also, one thing Dan completely neglected to mention is that this woman was their TEACHER. Yeah, they're 18 now, but there is and always will be a dynamic between them that would make any relationship between them, fleeting or meaningful, totally inappropriate.
Posted by T]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 14:23:42 -0800 The Stranger
Yes, the potential for dramatic, negative consequences are huge IF she pursues these men immediately after they graduate from high school. But she will be there for a while, they will be there for a while, or at least coming back home occasionally. As time passes, these former students connections to their school wanes; in a short amount of time (a year) it won't be an issue.

So, chill out for now. The bigger issue is how she deals with her current students. Flirty is not a good teacher quality, neither is "ask me when you're 18".
Posted by Lose-Lose]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 14:02:56 -0800 The Stranger Posted by SASS]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 14:00:00 -0800 The Stranger
In this case, she formed a power-relationship with these boys when they were 13/14/15/whatever - before they were emotionally mature enough (in the scientific sense of it) to make "adult" sexual decisions. Such a relationship when they were 18 is an inherent abuse of power regardless of the thoughts/feelings/motives of the individuals involved.

I used to coach middle school sports. Like any young-20's guy, several of the students developed crushes on me. Some of them I found attractive, although obviously nothing ever became of that and those memories are safely locked away in my caveman-brain fantasy zone. Even now, as most of my former students have graduated college and moved in to "real" "adulthood", I would still feel grody and icky about ever doing anything with them or even creating a situation where that could happen. How would I explain how I met her? "Oh, we met when I was coaching her middle school soccer team". FUCKING BARF.
Posted by fetish]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 13:58:35 -0800 The Stranger Posted by chaseacross]]> Sun, 24 Feb 2013 13:45:39 -0800 The Stranger