http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/12/20/sl-letter-of-the-day-swap-meat Comments On: SL Letter of the Day: Swap Meat by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Sat, 25 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Sat, 25 May 2013 11:15:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by i'm sure that factors in]]> Sat, 22 Dec 2012 09:28:32 -0800 The Stranger Posted by alguna_rubia]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 22:58:24 -0800 The Stranger
I agree that there are certain personal preferences that are independent of cultural background.

But there are also cultural influences. When I spent an exchange year at an American college in the Midwest in the late 90s, I was surprised how central oral sex was to American popular culture among college kids. It just does not have the same cultural importance in Germany, nor in the Netherlands or Britain, where I've also lived.

That doesn't mean that people in the States like it more, or people in Europe like it less, just that the expectations when or with whom to try it first as a teenager are different.
Posted by migrationist]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 13:11:39 -0800 The Stranger Sure there are some differences in education and culture that vary from region to region, but the feelings that both alguna_rubia and migrationist describe (and a lot of others) are not geographically or culturally specific. I, for one, am getting a little tired of Europeans and Canadians making assumptions that all Americans are stepped in conservative Christian value systems, or have the same kind of sex education.
I'm American, raised in California, and I understand both these women's attitudes and feelings, neither of which seem to me to be products of their geographic origins or reactions against them.
Posted by nocutename]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 12:52:39 -0800 The Stranger
First off, I am European, so probably my socialisation is quite different.

For me, oral is more intimate because one's face is in/ on someone else's genitals. This person sees, smells and tastes these genitals up close. And genitals are the most private part of one's body, while the face is the most judgmental body part in some way.
The facial senses judge on form, colour, smell and taste. A cock is only judging a vagina on its tightness, and a vagina only judges the penis on size.

I think I do not explain it very well but I feel more exposed to a face in my lap than to a cock in my cunt. Similarly, I feel more judgmental when I see, lick and smell a cock than if I feel it inside me.
Posted by migrationist]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 11:04:32 -0800 The Stranger Posted by avast2006]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 11:03:50 -0800 The Stranger
I still don't think of oral as quite as intimate as PIV. I can keep my clothes on while giving oral. If someone's giving me oral, I can lie back and pretend they're anyone. PIV for me tends to mean having naked bodies all up against each other, and I can't pretend they're anyone when their naked body is all up against mine.

So it's not just the anti-sex education system, or a southern thing since I'm not from the south. To be honest, I kind of want to hear the argument that oral is MORE intimate than PIV, because I'm having trouble formulating one.
Posted by alguna_rubia]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 10:44:58 -0800 The Stranger
I'm trying to imagine what exactly "light petting" is, compared to "heavy petting", in this guy's scheme. Why he would be okay with "light petting" _and_ oral, but not "heavy petting?" Is heavy petting finger-banging, and thus too much like coitus because of insertion?
Posted by avast2006]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 10:43:14 -0800 The Stranger
agreed.
Posted by EricaP]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 09:37:43 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Lemon Laws]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 09:31:24 -0800 The Stranger
The first question would be better heard than read, as the accent makes a difference (as in "She wasn't there!" in A Murder is Announced). That would help one to determine the point of the second question, which seems as if it could spring from a sense that some people seem to exude of thinking that They Ought to Be Farther Up the Ladder, as if they were being graded on how far they take it rather than approaching their adventures from the point of view of seeking what gave them optimum good without bad. It's sort of a cross between how some people will up the ante once they feel they've irredeemably crossed the line and how some people seem to regard specific sexual activities as merit badges.
Posted by vennominon]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 05:35:04 -0800 The Stranger Posted by MemeGene]]> Fri, 21 Dec 2012 01:33:38 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Fnarf]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 22:24:07 -0800 The Stranger Posted by wxPDX]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 21:44:24 -0800 The Stranger I agree.
Posted by migrationist]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 19:53:09 -0800 The Stranger Why do so many people feel that sucking someone's cock or vulva is way less personal than PV sex? I think it's more intimate by a mile. I think if I was a swinger I might ask for the opposite (fuck whoever you want, but don't put your mouth on anyone's *** except for mine!)
Posted by secretchord]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:48:20 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Roma]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:11:22 -0800 The Stranger Posted by this guy I know in Spokane]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 17:58:34 -0800 The Stranger Posted by how i picture them, at least]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 16:56:03 -0800 The Stranger Posted by WestSeven]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 16:23:57 -0800 The Stranger
But enough about me. I want to know why this guy doesn't even mention how his wife feels about full swap in general, and this potential partner in particular. Aren't her feelings relevant? I feel I can't tell if he'd be less happy about full swap if his wife loved the idea, or if his wife was only kinda into it...

Also wanted to say: lol at "you seem attracted to his energy and, of course, to his wife."
Posted by EricaP]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 16:20:13 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Gerald Fnord]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 15:53:49 -0800 The Stranger Posted by agony]]> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 15:33:39 -0800 The Stranger