http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/04/09/sl-letter-of-the-day-holy-day-of-romantic-obligation Comments On: SL Letter of the Day: Holy Day of Romantic Obligation by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:15:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss "Yeah, we both have hectic schedules with work and school. We are lucky to see each other once every couple of weeks."

It sounds suspiciously like they didn't even see each other on that date. Now here she is all mad at him for not making a big deal out of a date on which neither of them could quite manage to clear their schedules out enough to be in the same place at the same time.

Princess, you admit that you pulled that specific date out of your ass because you figured some date, any date, is better than no date, and now you are manufacturing controversy because he doesn't attach the same significance to that specific date that you think he ought to, based on your declaring it official in the midst of two hectic schedules. If that constitutes not loving you enough, you will NEVER find love.


Posted by avast2006]]> Wed, 11 Apr 2012 19:35:46 -0700 The Stranger
I think the responses calling you crazy or stupid are out of line - I know there are cultural factors that socialize this kind of behavior and lead to many women (not just you) expecting men to simply know what's up without articulating it (it can certainly happen in the other direction, but it's much less common). But unless you can get past that, you're going to be disappointed and unhappy in most or all of your relationships. An old Savage Love acronym applies here: OYMSYP (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Conte…).
Posted by John Horstman]]> Wed, 11 Apr 2012 08:25:47 -0700 The Stranger Posted by don't dump him]]> Wed, 11 Apr 2012 07:23:22 -0700 The Stranger
But yes, cut your losses and leave. You are too young to put up with a real human being.
Posted by Gloria]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 17:37:36 -0700 The Stranger
I say that as a female-type person who never remembers dates. We quite deliberately got married on April Fools' Day so that we had a prayer of one of us remembering it.
Posted by Geni]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 15:56:29 -0700 The Stranger Posted by fixitman]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:25:09 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Cory]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:29:09 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Deets]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:11:34 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Punkster]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:01:08 -0700 The Stranger Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:33:59 -0700 The Stranger Posted by avast2006]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:16:59 -0700 The Stranger Posted by joybd]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:29:33 -0700 The Stranger
Nope. 43's analogy was good. Yours sucks.

What passive aggressive people need is not understanding from the significant others that they abuse with their anger management problems. What they need is to be told to knock it off enough times that they do knock it off, or that they get professional help to do so. And to be dumped, if nothing changes. Stop trying to enable this young woman in conduct and thinking which is not constructive and will harm her future relaitonships and her own happiness.
Posted by Alanmt]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:26:29 -0700 The Stranger Posted by AFinch]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:22:11 -0700 The Stranger
I think she thinks she could trade up and wants him to show her why she shouldn't. So she's creating these tests for him to pass or fail, and since he's failing them, she feels disrespected and wants to dump him.

Which is probably for the best, because at 21 it's going to take quite a few more years for either of them to mature. What's sad is that in 10 years, she might look back on this relationship wishing she hadn't pushed him; and he might look back on it wishing he'd shown her more affection and commitment.
Posted by Gamebird]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 11:11:19 -0700 The Stranger
I tried recently to suggest that we come up with some arbitrary anniversary date because we really don't have one, but we couldn't figure out how to do it. Instead, we make random days special. The night we had that talk, I surprised her with a picnic dinner in the bedroom. It turned into the perfect night - but I couldn't tell you the date :)
Posted by daphne24]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:39:13 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Jamie in Pittsburgh]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:01:25 -0700 The Stranger Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 09:58:29 -0700 The Stranger It sucks that you dated people who were passive aggressive. Everyone has to deal with that at some point whether they are dating men or women, but to lump men together as happy and playful, never understanding why women are so hateful and mean, is ridiculous and telling. Perhaps your issue is you expect your partners to always think like you rather than recognizing they are not and play nice. My cat and dog do it, so can you.

Hopefully SHIT's boyfriend is more understanding. Every relationship needs a good talk on communication and expectations.
Posted by kersy]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 09:54:43 -0700 The Stranger Posted by kersy]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 09:31:18 -0700 The Stranger Posted by idaho]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 09:00:33 -0700 The Stranger
Monday, January 23rd, 1995.

You missed it again.
Posted by Your husband]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:31:33 -0700 The Stranger Posted by The Max]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:12:57 -0700 The Stranger Posted by ScrawnyKayaker]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:12:51 -0700 The Stranger Posted by My Name Here]]> Tue, 10 Apr 2012 08:07:20 -0700 The Stranger