http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2009/04/02/keep-it-simple-stupid Comments On: Keep It Simple, Stupid by Anthony Hecht en-us Copyright 2009 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:00:01 -0800 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:45:00 -0800 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss
WTF is wrong with you? This SLOG entry is about corporate logos, not dolphin fucking. What a douchebag. You're as bad as those shitwipes who post female porn to gay newsgroups.
Posted by montex]]> Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:47:35 -0700 The Stranger
Then I saw the idiot who redesigned the logo and I wondered how they got such a big fag to be their red-state shill. I still hate the new logo. Did I mention that?
Posted by montex]]> Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:43:28 -0700 The Stranger Posted by ...and it IS weird, you know...]]> Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:45:41 -0700 The Stranger
A6) Aquariums are a bad choice, for many reasons. Too public, the dolphins are not in their natural habitat, night visits are impossible, etc etc... some may have external enclosures, which may be accesable, but that is no guarantee. Best thing sometimes is to find a beach or a cove that the dolphins frequent. It takes time to develop a relationship with a dolphin to the point where they will let you mate with them (although some have been as quick as 3 days to acclimatize). Gaining their trust takes time, and you need to visit frequently. This is impossible for some people, I understand, but it is the best way. Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time. I have been extremely lucky on two occasions with wild dolphins, and my current mate is a dolphin who lives in the harbour of my resident city.

Well, I hope this is of use to whoever is interested. One final note. You should love a dolphin, not because of the sexual relief they can provide, but because they are a unique animal, one of the few wild animals that seek the company of man by their own initiative. This is special. Do not abuse it.

About the Author

I first realized I was a Delphinic Zoophile when I was 12 years old, which is when I had my first sexual encounter with a dolphin. This is not that particular occasion, since my first lover was brutally killed in an act of sensless violence that I will never forgive, or forget. She continues to live in my memories, though...

I volunteer with dolphins whenever I get the opportunity. They are special to me, highly intelligent, empathic creatures that are dear to my heart, and are a healing aspect in my life. So it was that I met this particular dolphin, a female bottle nose dolphin, 7 years old, who is residing at my home cities coastal harbour/aquarium.

She is a beautiful dolphin, inquisitive and playful, and more used to human contact than her other, older pod mates. I answer any questions the general public have about dolphins, and spend most of my free time with them, studying and talking with them. I learned through continued contact that each dolphin has a very particular personality and habits, traits useful for differentiating between the fins who are sometimes hard to distinguish on visual markings alone.

In order to avoid the bustle tourists, I usually visit the dolphins at night, illegally I must add, since I am considered to be trespassing. But it is the only time I do not have to be distracted by tourists or the staff. I do not expect to have sex with the dolphins every time I visit them; I am not that sort of person. I spend time with them because they are a relaxing and stabilizing source of peace in an otherwise hectic and unbalanced lifestyle. So it came as a pleasant surprise when this 7-year-old dolphin began to engage in sex-play with me.

I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

I am aware there are people who would look at this and turn away in disgust. I can not force my beliefs or my feelings upon them, neither do I wish to. The only thing I ask of those people is that they try to understand that love, and trust, and respect are not limited to within a single species. Human kind has created religions and laws and barbed-wire fences that have been created, written and erected out of the former belief that we are the best, the smartest, the most powerful creature on the planet. Now we are realising that we have been extremely short sighted; many of us are realising this, but there are others who are bound by their former beliefs. One word is the key to improving our civilization. One word which could improve many lives.

Posted by florida has dolphins]]> Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:39:01 -0700 The Stranger Posted by I like prune juice (I mean "dried plum" juice) better anyway]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:47:03 -0700 The Stranger Posted by questionland resident]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:43:37 -0700 The Stranger Posted by My Other Car's the Tardis]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:20:05 -0700 The Stranger Posted by usterbrau]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:08:12 -0700 The Stranger
The stuff inside's the same. Food profits revolving around fashion instead of quality is surely a sign of disease deep in the bone.
Posted by tunanator]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:23:03 -0700 The Stranger Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 11:05:47 -0700 The Stranger
I suspect that he would have found similar failure in the Pepsi re-branding if not for the massive amount of marketing Pepsico threw behind it- without forcing the new logo down people's throats with billboards and TV-spots, there's no association with the established brand.
Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:48:50 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Greg]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:45:43 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Paul Ramon]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:53:09 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Ecce Homo Interrobang]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:59:47 -0700 The Stranger Posted by NG]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:56:51 -0700 The Stranger
Fnarf, do you need a personal average of one comment per 10 or something? Why do you keep coming back and adding another thought? Makes one think you've nothing better to do than troll blogs all day.
Posted by Yawn.]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 07:45:05 -0700 The Stranger Posted by OttO]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:51:49 -0700 The Stranger Posted by who am I?]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:31:51 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Jigae]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:14:48 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Jigae]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:13:47 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Halcyonic]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:12:01 -0700 The Stranger
but i only buy OJ 2-3 times a year when i am jonesing for a mimosa, so i'm probably not the guy they should be marketing to. so it's back to the violated orange, and i'll go back to buying Florida Natural again for my 1 gallon/yr OJ habit.

and for the record, per #24, i am urban, gay and sophisticated. and per #everybody, i love generic design. so they hit their mark.. their mark just happens to be people who don't buy OJ. whoops.
Posted by ExiledInLA]]> Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:08:49 -0700 The Stranger Posted by another Andy]]> Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:48:38 -0700 The Stranger Posted by this guy I know in Spokane]]> Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:38:30 -0700 The Stranger Posted by Pulpy]]> Thu, 02 Apr 2009 23:27:34 -0700 The Stranger