http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/01/23/if-you-know-your-gay-kid-is-being-brutally-bullied-at-his-school Comments On: If You Know Your Gay Kid Is Being Brutally Bullied At His School... by Dan Savage en-us Copyright 2013 The Stranger. All rights reserved. This RSS file is offered to individuals, The Stranger readers, and non-commercial organizations only. Any commercial websites wishing to use this RSS file, please contact The Stranger. webmaster@thestranger.com (The Stranger Webmaster) Tue, 21 May 2013 00:00:01 -0700 Tue, 21 May 2013 02:45:00 -0700 Foundation http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Posted by Cbell]]> Tue, 31 Jan 2012 07:11:57 -0800 The Stranger
And man oh man, I don't think it's gotten easier to be a kid in this day and age - not gay, straight, black, white, male, female, or otherwise. I'm 45 and I would NOT want to go through childhood again, not back in the 70s and 80s when I did it the first time, and sure as HELL not now.
Posted by Boything's Girl]]> Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:51:19 -0800 The Stranger
It is very unfortunate that moving is the only option most parents have if they want to send their child to another school. Many parents do not have the resources to move or to homeschool their kids. If we had a school voucher system in this country this would be much less of a problem.
Posted by TheLastComment]]> Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:47:46 -0800 The Stranger
I'll say this in defense of the parents, many of us who are bullied don't make as fine a point of it to our parents as we could. I certainly never told my mom how bad I had it at school and why I was so miserable and I definitely didn't tell her about my desire to take my life.

Additionally, in defense of parents of bullied children, there are few people, at least these days, who have the option to move, or have the resources and time to home school. My mom was a single parent after my dad's arrest, and was working full time. There is no chance she could have home schooled me if I had wanted her to and I honestly don't think I would have wanted her to. When I tried to take my life, I was already attending a private school, instead of going to the public school I'd been attending with all the bullying. Guess what? Kids can be assholes and you can feel like an outcast almost anywhere. I doubt every parent of gay children can afford to move to San Francisco, New York City or other liberal areas of the country, but even if they did, that wouldn't necessarily make everything better.

All this is to say that I'm 100% for doing everything you can for a child, but let's be sure to put the onus where it belongs. The parents of this child probably had no idea the extent of their child's pain and implying that this is their fault for not uprooting their entire lives to move to another school, another state, or take on homeschooling, seems to be asking a lot. I get the point. If you see warning signs, don't ignore them, but let's not focus on the parents here. It sounds like they were loving and supportive as best they could be.
Posted by MySoCalledScreenName]]> Thu, 26 Jan 2012 08:48:06 -0800 The Stranger Posted by gromm]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:58:15 -0800 The Stranger
Dan is pointing this out as best he can but we all need to shame the folks who did nothing.
Posted by alisamc]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 13:53:01 -0800 The Stranger Posted by James Hutchings]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 07:05:42 -0800 The Stranger Posted by geoz]]> Tue, 24 Jan 2012 06:46:34 -0800 The Stranger
The void of common sense is stupifying. Idiot politicians passing dumb laws that trap children in hell. Crazy rabid voters or lazy apathetic voters who elect these idiots. Forget their beliefs, at this point who cares. Results matter. Another child is dead. Isn't that enough?

This is a big deal. It shouldn't have happened. Period. No exceptions. We are all screaming about this. The question is when are we going to mean it? What is it going to take to stop?
Posted by ndattn]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 23:52:52 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Personal Responsibility doesn't live here....]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 18:14:38 -0800 The Stranger
But, hopefully it's a wake up call for all parents of bullied kids.

Get them the fuck out of the situation. Even if you're poor and it's tough to move, there are solutions. Find the closest town/school district that has a tough anti bullying policy or even programs for LGBTQ kids. It doesn't mean you have to move to the "Big City"...many liberal arts college towns tend to be more progressive and offer schools with a safer environment for kids.
Posted by michael strangeways]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:27:50 -0800 The Stranger Posted by tomsj]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:25:27 -0800 The Stranger
I'm 100% supportive of my son, and have helped him identify as male even when at his age he wouldn't have the power to do so. I was raised by two gay dads and am openly bisexual. He has ALL the support, love and acceptance in the world. And my son is STILL very sensitive and easy to become depressed and overwhelmed by his being "other than."

It's simply not a "normal" bullying situation in any way.


Posted by Mama Bear]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:18:14 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Y.F. Redux]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 17:00:54 -0800 The Stranger
@Dan-while I agree with you in principal, the reality is that "just move or ship the kid off" isn't always a viable option, particularly in this economy. The point of view implied by your last line-that a parent who doesn't move or send the kid elsewhere values the convenience of staying put over the child's life-veers uncomfortably close to those myopic people who tell OWS protesters to "get a job." If a parent has no job prospects elsewhere, or has no family in a friendlier community willing to take the child in, that doesn't mean that protecting their child isn't a priority. Keeping the entire family fed and sheltered has to be a priority too. I'm sure you don't mean to suggest otherwise, but there's something in the tone of your post that makes me a little squeamish.
Posted by quix]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:41:38 -0800 The Stranger I say this as a lesbian and the mother of a 15 year old out gay son.
These parents were in Tennesee. They seem to have tried very hard. I understand that Dan is speaking to other parents but, today, my heart weeps not just for their boy but for them. Two people doing what we as parents try to do. The best with what we have.

Posted by Jyg08]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:39:23 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Blame the Parents!]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:36:50 -0800 The Stranger
At least that's what happened to me.
Posted by msanonymous]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:34:54 -0800 The Stranger That said, while I definitely agree with DS that the parents need to step in when the bullying starts getting bad; I can sort of understand the decision by a parent to stay out of it. The "if it doesn't kill 'em, it will only make them stronger" mindset does have some legs to stand on, until, of course...it actually kills them. That's what makes these stories so heartbreaking: the ability to prevent them.Yeah, I think there's a bit of 20/20 hindsight going on here. My guess is that if someone told Gena Parker last week that her son was about to kill himself, she would have immediately pulled him out of school and moved to another school district. As far as she knew, "he was happy" despite the bullying. She likely had no idea that it had affected him as much as it had.
Posted by I Hate Screen Names]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:24:59 -0800 The Stranger Posted by JayJonson]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:24:30 -0800 The Stranger Posted by this guy I know in Spokane]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:03:42 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Fenrox]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:52:21 -0800 The Stranger
These days, kids leave school & the bullying doesn't stop. They get anonymous texts on their phones & hassled on their FB's. It's a difficult time to be a parent.

Also, parents, I know we wanna give our kids some privacy & individuality, but be involved. Even though it's difficult w/ having to work, etc. Know your kids' friends & teachers.

Rest in peace, Phillip; you got the rock off your chest, but not in time to breathe. My condolences to your family.


Posted by Eva Hopkins]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:27:52 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Rotten666]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:22:10 -0800 The Stranger Posted by Drew2u]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:17:53 -0800 The Stranger