Savage Love

Dick Holes

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Joe Newton

I am uncircumcised, and the opening at the end of my foreskin is not large enough for the head of my penis to pass through. This means my foreskin doesn't pull back when I get an erection. The internet says this is a condition called "phimosis," and a lot of medical websites recommend circumcision. I'm not super-excited by that idea. I don't have any pain or difficulty with sex or urination, and I've never had any health problems related to being uncircumcised. The foreskin isn't stuck or fused to the glans—the hole is just small. Is there a safe, nonsurgical way to enlarge the opening in the foreskin?

Dick Hole Panic

"Tell Dick Hole Panic not to panic," said Stephen H. King, MD, a urologist in Washington State and my new go-to guy for all questions dick. "Phimosis occurs in an uncircumcised penis when a circular ring of the foreskin becomes scarred, often from prior infection, inflammation, or trauma. This scar prevents the normally elastic tissue of the foreskin from fully retracting to expose the head of the penis."

Roughly one in a hundred men have phimosis, said Dr. King, "and depending on the degree of narrowing, complications of phimosis can vary widely. These can include difficulty with cleaning/hygiene, infection, pain with erection, bleeding from skin cracking, and paraphimosis." Paraphimosis sounds like something you want to avoid: "It occurs when a narrow foreskin is pulled back to expose the head of the penis but then can't be pulled back over the head, which then constricts blood flow to the glans," said Dr. King. Paraphimosis can cut off blood flow to the head of the penis, which can cause the head of your cock to become gangrenous and die, which is why anyone suffering from it should head to an emergency room immediately. Here's something else to worry about: "Although extremely rare, penile cancer can arise, usually in older patients with recurrent infections/inflammation."

You're probably panicking now, DHP—hell, hearing about paraphimosis has me panicking, and I'm circumcised. But the doctor said your case doesn't sound serious: You aren't experiencing any pain, your dick seems to work fine, you haven't suffered from a series of infections. You don't need to do anything about your phimosis for now, said Dr. King, but if you're worried about complications arising in the future, or if you want your sex partners to see the head of your dick someday, there are nonsurgical remedies.

"'Preputial gymnastics' is one way to resolve phimosis," said Dr. King. "It sounds like an Olympic event, but it involves gently pulling the foreskin back to expose the tip of the glans to the point where the ring of scar is exposed." In other words, pull your foreskin back until you can't pull it back anymore, and you'll be looking at the scar tissue. "Hold this position for one minute and repeat three to four times a day," Dr. King continued. "In combination with topical application of a steroid cream twice daily, typically betamethasone 0.05 percent (by prescription), more than 90 percent of cases will dramatically improve or resolve within four to six weeks."

And if you're one of the 10 percent of phimosis sufferers whose case doesn't improve through preputial gymnastics?

"Then he should break out the Manischewitz for his impending bris," said Dr. King.

I have rarely ever been able to have an orgasm during intercourse. The few times it happened, I was stimulating my clit. But I think my body is used to clitoral orgasms without a penis thrusting inside my vagina. Recently, I started mixing pot and sex. I've been a pot smoker for years but never thought to have sex on pot before. It has always been just a social thing with friends. It is incredible! Marijuana relaxes my body and heightens my senses so that when my BF and I have sex, I come! And come and come—and I squirt, which I have NEVER done before! When we have sex without smoking, the sex is still great, but I don't orgasm like I do when I'm high. I feel like I need weed to orgasm the way I want to. Before I dated my BF, I smoked pot only once a month or so. Now I'm doing it once a week at least. My sex life is finally amazing AND fulfilling. Three questions: (1) Does this sound like a huge problem? (2) Should I be worried? (3) What do you suggest?

Blazing Orgasms Newly Gained

1. It does sound like a problem—a problem that's been solved.

2. Not if you live in Colorado or Washington State, BONG, where voters legalized pot use in last November's election.

3. A vaporizer.

I am in a great relationship with a very sexy and open-minded woman. Recently we were talking about likes and dislikes, and she mentioned "role-play scenes." This sent me into a little bit of a panic since this is something I've never engaged in. However, since I am more on the dominant side in our relationship, I'd rather not ask her a lot of questions. I'm hoping to take the lead and find out something about it on my own. I want to seem imaginative to her and not just copy what other men have done. Unfortunately, my web searches have been fruitless. Cosmo, Glamour, and even men's sites have articles about "role-play" from time to time, but they seem to be written for juveniles. Do you have any ideas about role-play scenarios—especially ones that could be initiated by a man?

Apprehensive About Role-Play

I have plenty of ideas about role-play scenarios that could be initiated by a man, AARP, but sexual pleasure is highly subjective—one gay man's hot role-play scenario is likely someone else's nightmare scenario. So you're going to have to talk with your woman about what kinds of scenarios turn her on.

Some people have a hard time talking about their kinks. Just saying the words "I'm into role-play" or "I want to try bondage" is such a struggle that a nervous kinkster is emotionally exhausted after the big reveal. The kinkster feels like she's done the hard part—she said "role-play" or "bondage" out loud!—and her partner should do the rest of the work, i.e., make their fantasies come true without asking them to talk about it anymore. But you can't fly blind into someone else's sexual fantasies. If she's turned on by something mild like a sexy-cop-and-speeding-driver role-play scenario, AARP, surprising her with a serial-killer-and-his-terrified-victim role-play scenario is likely to backfire. Likewise, someone who's turned on by gentle neckties-and-bedposts bondage isn't going to be happy about an intense institutional-restraints-and-soundproof-leather-hood bondage session.

She's going to have to give you more information, AARP, and you're going to have to let go of the notion that being the Dom means not asking questions. A dominant's first job—before a role-play scene begins, before anyone gets tied up—is to ask questions and find out what his submissive wants to experience. The trick is to give her what she wants while building in small surprises and gradually, over time, pushing into new territories together.

But you're going to have to ask her more questions, and she's going to have to answer them. If she's too shy to talk about her kinks face-to-face, have the convo over e-mail.

This week on the Savage Lovecast, I talk with author Emily Bazelon about sexting, slut-shaming, bullying, and suicide.

@fakedansavage on Twitter


Comments (105) RSS

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I like the suggestion of using email to discuss potential scenarios. It provides a little distance so things will seem less contrived when they go for it.
Posted by Pablo Picasso on April 16, 2013 at 6:31 PM · Report this
Never take medical advice from someone named "Stephen King."
Posted by LML on April 16, 2013 at 6:32 PM · Report this
"It does sound like a problem—a problem that's been solved." This is why I love you so, Dan.

And agreed on the no surprise role-play, although i kind of wish you told him to do it because that would have been a little bit awesome for him to show up, apropos of nothing, as the serial killer, or little French maiden, or angry dog or whatever. too mean, i suppose...

sending love to you thru the ether,
Posted by inbed on April 16, 2013 at 6:44 PM · Report this
AARP needs to do an interrogation scene just to find out what his girlfriend wants in an interrogation scene. ;)
Posted by gromm on April 16, 2013 at 7:43 PM · Report this
@2 I second that! *shudder!* Dr. King shares an unfortunate name.
That's like Ace Merrill or Buddy Repperton becoming the new high school principal, or Christine Hargenson becomes the gym teacher (see ya, Miss Rita Djardin!).
I overdosed foolishly on the warped pages of S.K. novels back in my teen years, and lived to regret buying into his cruelly misogynist bullshit, however insanely lucrative.
After Sue Grafton therapy (think Kinsey Milhone), I've luckily recovered
quite nicely.

To Dan and Dr. King: all the best however, with dickspeak! You know a shitload on the subject more than I do!
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 16, 2013 at 7:52 PM · Report this
@2 hah! Had a couple of drinks tonight and I totally missed that!

@Dan & Dr. King - If he's one of the 10% who doesn't respond to exercises, why have a circumcision now? He has no pain, no difficulty pissing, no physiological pathology evident. His presenting concern is entirely cosmetic. Since the potential symptoms will be obvious *if* they emerge, and he can always have circumcision *if* future pathology occurs, and he is an adult without any history of pathology, why have a circ now? The penile cancer association is with *chronic* issues which the LW is not presenting with. Rarely, circs result in infection and loss of glans penis even in adults. Just sayin.

-- uncut rules (note to angry pro-infant-circ commenters who will bring up HIV risk and cervical cancer risk: read the studies on risk-adjusted behavior, HIV rates in pro-circ USA vs. Europe, cervical cancer after adj. 4 HPV vac., normal functioning of the foreskin in penetrative sex... and go cut off your own tissue to your heart's content own once you're an adult)
Posted by delta35 on April 16, 2013 at 8:15 PM · Report this
One problem may have been solved, but her dating pool will likely be considerably reduced - or does the prevailing anti-smoking attitude not apply to this particular substance?
Posted by vennominon on April 16, 2013 at 8:24 PM · Report this
@BONG. Vaporizer good for reducing carcinogens. 420 brownies good too:*…

(maybe the militant vegan slogger can suggest a non-butter recipe)

*(actually never tried this recipe, I live in a state that bans pot and don't want to risk my professional license. police state america sucks. but edible likely better than smoking even w/ vaporizer in terms of habitual use risk factors)
Posted by delta35 on April 16, 2013 at 8:24 PM · Report this
I have a friend who developed a creative solution to the "shy sub" problem. After having the necessary talk where they establish the basics (safeword, protection, off-limits stuff), she gives her subs a "red diary." It's a distinct book with a red cover, the idea being that the subs can write their fantasies in it... in whatever format they prefer... and then leave it out in the open where she can find it. They have no way of knowing when she last read it, or what scenario she might pick, and it allows the sub to play up the illusion that this is all spontaneous. One of her subs wrote all the stuff in his diary in the negative... "I had a nightmare last night where my mistress caught me masturbating and made me sleep on the floor in the basement" or "I'm praying she never makes me wear the hood again." Once they'd established that this was how his diary worked, it enhanced the roleplay.

I know another couple who adopted something similar, outside the context of a D/s relationship, where they both have "snoop diaries" where they write down things they want to try, and the other person then has the opportunity to read that diary and think about it in a non-pressure context. Sometimes it's easier to write "dear diary, I have a fantasy about batgirl" than to say "honey, could you dress up like batgirl?" to give a mild example. In their case it was more of a jumping-off point for future discussions and the occasional surprise.

If direct email breaks the spell, set up a situation where you're not writing to the other person, you're just writing down your thoughts and leaving them in a specific, explicitly established place for the other person to "find."
Posted by Thamea on April 16, 2013 at 8:44 PM · Report this
nocutename 10
@9: What a great idea. I'm not shy myself, but it would still be a good way to make it seem as though the fantasy scenarios are spontaneous. And for people who have a hard time talking about things that are personal or emotional or sexual (or some combination), it is a great tool. Thanks for suggesting it.
Posted by nocutename on April 16, 2013 at 8:49 PM · Report this
@5: You do realize King speaks very highly of women and that very often they're the strongest protagonists in his books, right? You seem to be misapplying the term misogyny. Yes, women suffer a lot in King books. SO DO MEN. Take Gerald's Game: She does a lot of damage to her hand and has mental trauma from childhood assault, but all of the main men in this book end up dead. Likewise, Dolores Claiborne: Dolores and her daughter are badly used, but Dolores gets her own back at the man who used them. Ah, but both of those books are connected and they were written a year or two apart--well then, how about The Stand, where the mentor character, God's representative on earth, is a woman, and the starter of the new society is also a woman? What about The Dark Tower--where a huge chunk of the plot hinges on one woman who is actually four, and that woman (in all her forms) is shown repeatedly as strong, wonderful, and independent?

Not convinced? Maybe it's his recent work that has you riled up, like--oh, I dunno, that horrible book about a widow working through her grief and saving her husband and herself, Lisey's Story. Or perhaps it's Duma Key--where the deaths of several men are treated as not such of a much but the death of a mother figure and a daughter are such travesties that they become the unforgivable acts of the book. Or even, perhaps, the book that started it all--Carrie, where the female protagonist (unusual enough for horror at that time) is a tragic figure for whom there is literally no possible happy ending? Carrie's story is a very real one; girls just like her exist all over this country, and drawing light to it isn't misogynistic--it's the exact opposite.

Or wait--maybe it's his short fiction? I mean, certainly, Mrs. Todd's Shortcut--in which a woman manages to transcend all known laws of physics to fulfil the destiny she chooses--is definitely anti-woman. And "A Good Marriage," lord, let's not even get started on how a man who would harm women is treated as being BEYOND the lowest of the low in that story.

Misogyny =/= no woman is treated badly, ever. It's HORROR. The men and the women are equal fodder for bad shit to happen. King's women, on the whole, are strong, independent, wonderful women, not a Bella Swan among them.

Please direct claims of misogyny where they belong--which is not at King.
Posted by Ninalyn on April 16, 2013 at 8:55 PM · Report this
Eva Hopkins 12
To BONG: Edibles are great, but they get pricey quick, & most effective edibles (that I've seen) are highly caloric.

Smoking = bad for you. Vaporizing = slightly less bad for you than smoking. The Pax portable vape by Ploom is super nice but spendy. A good investment if you think you'll be doing your habit on a regular basis.

@Delta35 @8 - I've replaced butter w/ coconut oil w/ no ill effect for baking recipes, for vegan pals.

I guess in order of my own preference, it'd be good edibles > vaporizing > smoking. If I did those things, which of course I don't, 'cause it's illegal where I live & all.

@ Mr. Vennominon; you're right. There's a lot of dating preference for nonsmokers if the Craigslist ads are any indication. Better to know what you want when you're young & in the pool, though, yes..?

BTW, via Craiglist, I just found out what a "pillow princess" is. No thanks. >:(
Posted by Eva Hopkins on April 16, 2013 at 9:04 PM · Report this
Now you got me curious:
What is a pillow princess???
Posted by migrationist on April 17, 2013 at 1:48 AM · Report this
'Preputial gymnastics' is definitely not an Olympic event when it includes steroid cream...
Posted by Nolens Volens on April 17, 2013 at 1:49 AM · Report this
Ms Hopkins - Oh, definitely. It's just another Colour Me Confused moment in the making. Not that I was really paying attention, as I am a lifelong abstainer from smoking, drinking and doping, but I didn't think Mr Savage Himself to be pro-smoking in general. His enthusiastic endorsement gave me a mental image of various people who've expressed the opinion that those partial to cigarettes are the lowest forms of life who never deserve happiness in this lifetime or any other (I may exaggerate slightly) in a panel strip reacting:

1: WHAT are you DOING?
2: SMOKING? You KNOW what I TOLD you!
3: Automatic DEALbreaker! It's... it's...
4: Oh, it's POT... kewl!

And because X always reminds me of Y, this gives me an excellent opportunity to wish that the entire cast of Manor House had had the benefit of witnessing beforehand Jeremy Irons' portrayal of the Pope's introduction to the cigar.
Posted by vennominon on April 17, 2013 at 4:54 AM · Report this
@11 thank you, you beat me to it. :)

Posted by jujubee80 on April 17, 2013 at 5:03 AM · Report this
@5 @11
I've read (and listened to the audio book - he has a great voice) his short book On Writing. He obviously adores and respects his wife and his hard working mother. He talks about where he got the Carrie idea, from two real life girls he knew. I did not get an anti women vibe at all. I've only read one of his fiction books so couldn't say as to what he puts in his fiction.
Posted by SueB10 on April 17, 2013 at 6:25 AM · Report this
nocutename 18
Re: smoking pot vs. cigarettes: One difference is that a cigarette smoker may smoke between 1/3 of a pack and two packs a day (my late mother-in-law), which is considerably different in terms of the smell left on skin, clothes, hair, breath, and house (especially curtains, drapes, carpets, upholstery, bed linens) than the smell left behind on the person of someone who smokes pot at the rate of once a week (as the lw is). Even if the pot smoker ups her habit/intake to once every other day, it is still a significant difference in terms of smoke stink. Plus, whereas most cigarette smokers smoke the whole cigarette each time, most people take two-four hits from a joint or pipe (not sure what happens with a vaporizer, nor how it affects smoke-smell, but a does a bong leave that smoke smell on the inhaler? I don't think so, but I haven't been around a bong in about 30 years).

If the lw is smoking marijuana as a sexual aid, she's not going to reek of it all the time. She's going to have time to wash her hands and brush her teeth after smoking and before the sex commences, if that is important to her boyfriend, and she'll likely have the opportunity, because under the circumstances, she will probably be smoking at home, not taking a smoke break every time they go out for dinner, or stepping out of the museum to have a quick smoke, or smoking on her breaks at work, or . . .

I don't mind smelling a little weed now and then, and I LOVE what it does for my sexual response (in my case, just as dramatic results as BONG gets), but I could never be around a cigarette smoker for the simple reason that there's just a lot more smoking and reeking there--and none of it does sexual performance any good, so there's no payoff.
Posted by nocutename on April 17, 2013 at 7:13 AM · Report this
People who inhale smoke of ANY stripe into their lungs regularly, on a long term basis will almost certainly pay a price later in life. Emphysema, COPD, dragging around an oxygen tank everywhere you go- doesn't look like fun to me. To pretend these risks do not exist seems delusional to me. Eat it.
Posted by gonzo on April 17, 2013 at 7:17 AM · Report this
nocutename 20
@19: You might be right (although I think frequency plays a part), but when people often object to dating a smoker, they generally aren't doing so out of concern for the smoker's eventual decline in health. They are reacting the to smell of the smoker.

For some of us, marijuana is an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. It moves sex into a whole other register. It allows anorgasmic people to achieve orgasms, or allows people who can orgasm to orgasm more quickly, easly, intensely, and multiply. The obvious appeal of those effects tend to counteract other concerns.
Posted by nocutename on April 17, 2013 at 7:24 AM · Report this
I think -obviously- it's up to the guy if his cosmetic issue is enough to go surgical on if the treatment suggested doesn't work. But like Dan said, most penis-loving partners WOULD like to eventually have access to the head of their lover's dick. It would truly be weird to me if I never got access to it, it's very vital to the traditional shape of a penis! Not a deal breaker exactly but I think (I'm a woman so I don't know first hand) that he might even feel more pleasure if it could be exposed during sex. I'm not concerned what people do with their children's penises like others are (ahem anti-circumcision zealots) but to suggest he get circumcised as an adult if he'd ever like to get his knob polished is not extreme.
Posted by shandango on April 17, 2013 at 7:58 AM · Report this
Another push for The Orgasmic Diet. Cannabis helps with orgasm because it alters neurotransmitter levels. There are ways to do that with diet and nutritional supplements, particularly fish oil.
Posted by Marrena on April 17, 2013 at 8:46 AM · Report this
nocutename 23
@Marrena, with all respect to your diet and fish oil: I take fish oil daily for other reasons, and it doesn't make a whit of difference to my capacity for orgasm. Cannabis, on the other hand. . .
Posted by nocutename on April 17, 2013 at 8:54 AM · Report this
John Horstman 24
Um, "role-play" is nearly infinitely varied; the possible roles one could play at are essentially unlimited. That's sort of like 'opening up' about one's sexual preferences by saying, "You know, I really like sex," and leaving the partner to try to figure out all of the specifics by mind-reading. It's a non-answer. Hell, vanilla sex is role-play, as sexuality is heavily tied up with gendered roles. Is there some widely-understood, much-more-specific-and-narrow definition of "role-play"?
Posted by John Horstman on April 17, 2013 at 8:58 AM · Report this
To Dick Hole Panic: I had a lover once with phimosis. You know what cured it? Unprotected sex! The squeeziness paired with the no condom rolled it right back. It was tight at first, but we had a long warm shower, he lubed it up with olive oil or something, and gently worked it back and forth. After a couple of weeks it was totally fine and normal. Turned out not to be a big deal after all.
Posted by Quercus on April 17, 2013 at 9:21 AM · Report this
Was anyone else reminded of Annie Hall while reading BONG's letter? Or just me?
Posted by Whoop Di Doo on April 17, 2013 at 9:25 AM · Report this
@11 Susannah was also, kinda, Mia. Who are the other two? Its been too long since I read the series.
Posted by wxPDX on April 17, 2013 at 9:29 AM · Report this
Oh, it was Odetta and then Detta. Right.…
Posted by wxPDX on April 17, 2013 at 9:31 AM · Report this
If you're going to discuss your kinks over email, make sure to use some kind of encryption. Email travels over the internet in plain, readable, interceptible text.
Posted by truthspeaker on April 17, 2013 at 9:41 AM · Report this
@6: Those drinks caused you to miss this part of Dr. King's advice, I guess: "You don't need to do anything about your phimosis for now, said Dr. King, but if you're worried about complications arising in the future, or if you want your sex partners to see the head of your dick someday, there are nonsurgical remedies."

So that stuff about prenuptial gymnastics, and a bris, were DHP's options only "IF" blah blah.

My favorite part of this column was Dan disabusing AARP of the notion that asking questions is somehow a sign of weakness. There's something intensely irritating to me about people who believe assuming and guessing is superior to asking questions (especially in the context of something like RP), so thanks for that slap-down Mr. Savage.
Posted by Functional Atheist on April 17, 2013 at 10:01 AM · Report this
singing cynic 31
@9, that sounds insanely hot! great way to communicate without destroying spontaneity and the illusion of danger.
Posted by singing cynic on April 17, 2013 at 10:05 AM · Report this
@5, I don't see where you get misogyny from Stephen King's writing. As others have noted, he has a lot of strong, and powerful female characters who are presented positively.

I do think, however, that he doesn't really know all that much about how modern women live. A quite high percentage of his female characters are stay at home "homemakers", especially in the earlier books, and not all that good at it. People in his books eat an enormous amount of canned stew and packaged cookies, considering there's a SAHM - what on earth do Wendy Torrance, Rachel Creed, and Donna Trenton do all day?
Posted by agony on April 17, 2013 at 10:45 AM · Report this
@23 I recommend 1700 mg of EPA and 1300 mg of DHA per day for the average-sized woman. I doubt very much you are taking that much.

Also, other things can interfere with the effect, like caffeine.

I'm so tired of talking about this. My book is selling used for one cent on amazon. Not that I'm going to make money off it, but it does describe the whole damn thing, along with health risks.
Posted by Marrena on April 17, 2013 at 11:01 AM · Report this
My fiance had phimosis really badly--it made sex difficult and painful He ended up getting circumcised at age 25, and now he's great! But we wouldn't have known what to do w/o Dan--on the real. We assumed my fiance was just "like that" until Dan ran a story that mentioned phimosis. I followed the link and found out what it was, then we found a urologist about a week later. TL; DR, thanks for talking about phimosis , Dan. It made a big difference in our lives.
Posted by sallybobally on April 17, 2013 at 12:13 PM · Report this
ForkyMcSpoon 35
Regarding DHP:

Even if he can't resolve the issue non-surgically, his surgical options aren't limited to total circumcision. I don't know why King didn't mention this.

It's not an all or nothing choice.
Posted by ForkyMcSpoon on April 17, 2013 at 12:17 PM · Report this
I have favorite sexy-time strains. The one that gets me hot every. single. time. is Romulan Grapefruit. Or is it Grapefruit Romulan? We grew it ourselves and had to trust the little label on the seedling. :)
Posted by hurrdahurr on April 17, 2013 at 12:46 PM · Report this
bother, do not take fish oil like that if you are on blood-thinners, or allergic to seafood, or...damnit, can't remember them all. Aside from seafood allergy, similar interactions as with aspirin.
Posted by Marrena on April 17, 2013 at 1:22 PM · Report this
XiaoGui17 38
Does anyone else think BONG just wanted to share and plug cannabis, and threw in some questions so the letter could get printed? "ZOMG, it's freaking amazing!" followed by "Is this a problem?" seems a wee bit pretextual.
Posted by XiaoGui17 on April 17, 2013 at 2:02 PM · Report this
If anyone can find out the STRAIN that BONG is smoking (BONG, are you on here?) or has any recommendations along this line, I'm all ears. I'd desperately love to have a similar experience, but so far my forays have proved completely fruitless. Maybe I'm one of the sad people that just doesn't respond to mj?? Mine was high quality, purchased from an authorized med shop. And I've been assured I'm doing it all correctly. I've tried about half a dozen times, no joy whatsoever.
Posted by MaryJane on April 17, 2013 at 3:40 PM · Report this
AARP (?), have her write you a short story. I think that's sexier than a Q & A conversation or email. If she's not into writing, get her (and you) drunk, or high (worked wonders for BONG), turn out the lights, and get her to describe what she wants while you're doing her. Bring on the dirty talk!
Posted by portland scribe on April 17, 2013 at 3:50 PM · Report this
One more person standing up for Stephen King (the writer). Either #5 didn't read the same Stephen King the rest of us did or doesn't know the meaning of the word "misogynist". Warped - yes; misogynist - no.
Posted by daphne odora on April 17, 2013 at 4:21 PM · Report this
As a phimosis and adult circumcision survivor I'd encourage DHP to see a good urologist and get an informed opinion on whether the situation is going to get better or worse with time. I hated the idea of getting cut and despite increasing issues with sex (tight foreskins hurt!!) postponed and postponed it -- tried the various stretching routines to no avail. Finally went through with it and sex is great again.
Posted by Jnu Guy on April 17, 2013 at 4:33 PM · Report this

Get this treated. Get a urologist or a gf to work on this for you. I am sure there many intermediate steps before the big cut. But you don't want to keep smegma pockets in your gear.

Posted by Hunter78 on April 17, 2013 at 5:40 PM · Report this
@5, no way in hell is Stephen King a misogynist. What book(s) are you referring to?

If you knew more about him, I think you'd admire him. He adores his wife, is really funny and holy shit, is he prolific, what a work ethic! He's written a autobiography which is also edifying for writers called On Writing. A great read whether you're a writer or not.
Posted by portland scribe on April 17, 2013 at 5:55 PM · Report this
"This sent me into a little bit of a panic since this is something I've never engaged in. However, since I am more on the dominant side in our relationship, I'd rather not ask her a lot of questions."

How does panicking and preferring to not ask questions lest your ignorance be exposed square with being the dominant one? If you are afraid of losing your cred, you've already lost it.

You do realize it's not sufficient -- hell, it's not even particularly POSSIBLE -- to bone up on role-play scenes as a general principle, right? You are going to need to find out about HER role-play scenes, otherwise you risk showing up to a medieval Courtly Love scene in Batman underwear.
Posted by avast2006 on April 17, 2013 at 6:48 PM · Report this
The combination of the name "Stephen King" and the word "circumcision" is pretty scary.
Posted by GG1000 on April 17, 2013 at 6:48 PM · Report this
jesgal 47
Great advice to AARP, from both Dan and the posters here. My husband and I were both shy on our fantasies. After a few drinks and much pot, conversations opened up and we learned so much about each other. We love to fool around and play!

and... stay on subject, who gives a rat’s ass about Stephen King’s writings. THIS IS NOT THE APPORIATE FORUM !!!
Posted by jesgal on April 17, 2013 at 7:05 PM · Report this
seandr 48
@gonzo: People who inhale smoke of ANY stripe into their lungs regularly, on a long term basis will almost certainly pay a price later in life...

Classic puritanical thinking - enjoy yourself now, and you'll certainly pay the price later.

They used to say the same thing about alcohol, until mortality studies showed that those who consume 3 drinks a day (that's right, a day!) have the longest lifespans. Not drinking at all is equivalent to drinking 5 drinks a day in terms of lifespan - sobriety, it seems, is as bad for your health as a mild case of alcoholism.

The science on marijuana is relatively young and sparse, with funding and publishing heavily biased towards studies showing negative results. But the best research out there has found no clear "price" for regular, moderate marijuana use. (One of my favorites is a study showing that heavy smoking Rastafarians are on average healthier than the average Jamaican - not double-blind, but interesting nonetheless.) Rat/mice studies have shown that THC can actually reduce cancer tumors, which explains why science hasn't found a clear, consistent link between marijuana smoking and lung cancer, in contrast to cigarette smoking.

Of course, the health effects of pot smoking aren't limited to the smoke. There is plenty of evidence linking an active sex life to health and longevity. Not to mention stress reduction. And happiness.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 12:37 AM · Report this
seandr 49
@nocutename: For some of us, marijuana is an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. It moves sex into a whole other register.

Hells yeah.

For me, it makes sex more intense. No doubt some of the effect happens at the psychological level - it's easier to lose myself in the moment, and I'm more easily awed by things in general. But I think it operates on a sensory level as well, as if the haptic nerves on my cock are all on high-alert.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 12:51 AM · Report this
Phimosis guy:
1) Just doing the preputial gymnastics with some nice rich cream, e.g. Bepanthen, helps a lot already. It's all about softening and gently stretching the ring of scarred foreskin so as to cause it to grow wider over time. (Yes, the point is to grow a bit of extra skin. Not just to stretch the existing amount and hope that it doesn't tear.) The steroid helps with all aspects of this.
2) One thing that helped with my kid who used to have phimosis: Making sure your glans & foreskin are dry (after peeing and showering) and very clean. Trapped moisture and dirt promote a constant low-level inflammation that causes scars.
3) If stretching fails, there are lots of surgery options where the foreskin is not removed but cut in a way to alleviate pressure/make it wider/give it a better shape. Google preputioplasty.
Good luck.

Oh and to the would-be roleplayer: Ask your GF, ffs! If you want to do any "dominating", you need to learn to communicate with her openly about her and your desires and boundaries, and also to deal with your insecurities in a way that keeps them out of your dom-time. As a dom, you have a responsibility for your sub's wellbeing, focus more on that than worrying about seeming creative. It's a learning process for you both, no shame in admitting that.
Posted by Ysanne on April 18, 2013 at 1:33 AM · Report this
Dr Sean - As a general skeptic on longevity studies and health recommendations, I can see abstainer-shaming simply becoming the new puritanism.
Posted by vennominon on April 18, 2013 at 5:38 AM · Report this
Three things:
Dan's response to BONG was phenomenal.

Cannabis use is not even close to as harmful as nicotine use. Of course publishing and funding always goes to studies on cannabis with negative results, but there are a few good ones out there. I suggest The Pot Book, it's filled with everything from how marijuana works, to medical information, to cannabis culture and everything in between.

How in the world do you see misogyny in Stephen King's work? The majority of his female characters are strong-willed and determined (Julia Shumway-Under The Dome, for example). Maybe #5 should go back and re-read.
Posted by Sasbdpc on April 18, 2013 at 8:24 AM · Report this
seandr 53
@vennominon: As a fellow skeptic of health recommendations, I'm a huge fan of longevity studies since they take a more complete view of health. For years we've heard studies focused on correlations between alcohol consumption and various specific health problems, all of which ignore potential benefits. Longevity studies, on the other hand, more or less reflect the net balance once all of the risks and benefits have been tallied up.

the new puritanism.

Abstention is an intrinsically puritanical act, so whatever label you want to put on those who indulge their vices, "puritanism" doesn't really work.

Besides, no one shames abstainers for not drinking. If abstainers suffer any cost, it's social isolation, given that drinking and smoking pot tend to play such a big role in how people socialize. In my high school, for example, being a straight-edger tended to go hand in hand with having few friends and a depressing social life.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 11:08 AM · Report this
As someone who grew up in the '60s and early '70s, I am constantly surprised at the amount of societal pushback there seems to be about pot. It was commonly considered harmless in 1975 and now the feds are going after medical users, and the feds are going after the states that legalized it, and all the red states want to drug test welfare recipients, and lots and lots of employers are doing drug testing for basically no real reason. We're not talking airline pilots and bus drivers here. Proceed with caution if you're going to make pot an important part of your life. In the majority of this country you are putting yourself in significant legal jeopardy. I think it's totally groundless, but they didn't ask me.
Posted by marmer on April 18, 2013 at 11:18 AM · Report this
to AARP - nothing wrong with asking a bunch of questions. I'm in a lightly dominany/submissive relationship myself, and one thing my girl really likes is my self-assuredness/confidence and general "in control-ness". when it comes to bedroom play. How did I get that way? I asked questions. You know what she doesn't find hot? Me fumbling around trying things that don't work out. Then I look like a doofus who is NOT in control of things. My self-assuredness in telling her to do X or Y provides her (she is naturally shy and timid and doesn't like unknown risk) with the confidence to go ahead and do whatever it is I ask because she knows I've already got it figured out.

So while the Rom's are full of examples of a men preternaturally knowing exactly how to please a woman without any words exchanged, it's really unlikely in real life.
Posted by fetish on April 18, 2013 at 11:31 AM · Report this
@45: I initially read that as "a medieval Courtney Love scene," which caused my dick to shrivel a bit. Okay, a LOT.
Posted by Edgerrin Q. Partington on April 18, 2013 at 11:45 AM · Report this
@48 -- for women the alcohol recommendation is significantly lower. IIRC more like one unit a day (as an average). Given my constitution, if I averaged three drinks a day, I would be a drunk. Maybe a mild drunk, but definitely a drunk. And I'm not a particularly small woman, and I do have a drink most days.

I actually can't imagine my husband averaging three drinks a day, either, at any time in his life (including when we were in our 20s and much of our social life revolved around pubs).
Posted by Eirene on April 18, 2013 at 12:56 PM · Report this
I had phimosis until the age of 18, when I had it fixed surgically. This does NOT require circumcision. Consult your urologist and ask for your options. If you have any interest in keeping your foreskin, mention that!

I guess the non-surgical option sounds ideal if you can pull it off, but it sounds unpleasant. Phimosis can manifest pretty differently but in my case it would have been absolutely agonizing. My foreskin was physically fastened to my head!
Posted by pstinson on April 18, 2013 at 1:59 PM · Report this
My foreskin was physically fastened to my head!

pstinson, I'm not making fun of your situation, I swear, but I got a REALLY humorous mental picture from this...
Posted by Eirene on April 18, 2013 at 2:25 PM · Report this
seandr 60
@Eirene: I'm referring to the actual longevity data rather than the official recommendations, the latter of which are generally lower than what the data suggest they should be (I've heard 1 or 2 drinks a day, but never 3). I think the medical field, like a lot of people, have trouble accepting that alcohol could be anything but a vice.

I wish I could recall the sex breakdown in the longevity meta-analysis I'm referring to, but I can't. Quite possibly there were different curves for men and women.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 2:31 PM · Report this

Results A J-shaped relationship between alcohol and total mortality was confirmed in adjusted studies, in both men and women. Consumption of alcohol, up to 4 drinks per day in men and 2 drinks per day in women, was inversely associated with total mortality, maximum protection being 18% in women (99% confidence interval, 13%-22%) and 17% in men (99% confidence interval, 15%-19%). Higher doses of alcohol were associated with increased mortality. The inverse association in women disappeared at doses lower than in men. When adjusted and unadjusted data were compared, the maximum protection was only reduced from 19% to 16%. The degree of association in men was lower in the United States than in Europe.

Conclusions Low levels of alcohol intake (1-2 drinks per day for women and 2-4 drinks per day for men) are inversely associated with total mortality in both men and women. Our findings, while confirming the hazards of excess drinking, indicate potential windows of alcohol intake that may confer a net beneficial effect of moderate drinking, at least in terms of survival.
Posted by Eirene on April 18, 2013 at 4:43 PM · Report this
Dr Sean - You're being too literal. X as the new Y is figuratively meant. Your original comment was an excellent start at abstainer-shaming, and it's understandable that one might want to poke fun at non-drinkers as a class because some non-drinkers used to and perhaps still do hurt some drinkers' feelings.

The heart of puritanism isn't what the puritan does or doesn't do; it's all in the finger-pointing. Feel free to call it the new bullying if you're feeling unpoetic.

As far as studies go, I'm not ready to concede that longer life equals superiour health (quantity and quality don't necessarily mix), but, even if it were to be taken as given, I thank you for the opportunity to remind the assembled company of Rumpole's address to Tristan Erskine Brown (and Isolde too, if she cared to listen) that there was no pleasure worth sacrificing for the sake of five more years at the Old People's Home in Weston-super-Mare. Or no pain worth undertaking.

Again, my only experience here is that, if I had to date a smoker or a drinker, the smoker would have a big head start, but I lay no embargo upon the pleasures of others. FTWLTSOTTITSOTTL, as Dame Maggie has said.
Posted by vennominon on April 18, 2013 at 6:20 PM · Report this
@2 So very true.

@11 My thoughts exactly! I immediately tried to think of an example, and all I can think of is Lisey's Story is one of my favourite books ever.

DHP I know a man with a very pronounced curve to his penis, and the same rule applies; if it's a life-long condition, isn't causing discomfort or pain, and hasn't suddenly developed any changes; get it checked out if you're concerned but there's likely nothing to worry about.
Posted by Cherry on April 18, 2013 at 6:44 PM · Report this
If you don't have the patience or dexterity for a few months of gentle finger stretches with Betamethasone (prescription) ointment then the surgical remedy is NOT circumcision. It is bi-lateral dorsal slit with transverse closure, which amputates no sensual tissue.
Posted by TLCTugger on April 18, 2013 at 7:32 PM · Report this
@33, I didn't know you wrote a book, Marrena. Just ordered it on Amazon, and for the real price and not the $.01. I'm pretty orgasmic as is, but I'm intrigued by the exercises. :)
Posted by chicago girl on April 18, 2013 at 8:17 PM · Report this
seandr 66
@vennominon: My original post simply countered puritanical mythology with science. I have no beef with the choice to abstain. Live and let live, whatever works for you, who am I to judge, none of my business, etc.

And I'm right there with you and old Rumpole. Living best and living longest are two different things. If science gave a convincing longevity edge to abstainers, I'd still be a familiar face at my neighborhood wine shop.

As for the heart of puritanism, I've always understood it as essentially about the denial of pleasure and frivolity, but of course, there are the witch hunts and scarlet letters to consider.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 8:31 PM · Report this
seandr 67
@Eirene: Ah, thank you! I always feel a little nervous about summarizing research from memory (all that drinking and weed smoking), so relieved that I got the numbers right, at least for men.
Posted by seandr on April 18, 2013 at 8:36 PM · Report this
@Eirene: A standard drink might be different from what you consider a drink, volume-wise:

"In the United States, the standard drink contains 0.6 US fluid ounces (18 ml) of alcohol. This is approximately the amount of alcohol in a 12-US-fluid-ounce (350 ml) glass of 5% ABV beer, a 5-US-fluid-ounce (150 ml) glass of 12% ABV wine, or a 1.5-US-fluid-ounce (44 ml) glass of a 40% ABV (80 proof) spirit."…
Posted by migrationist on April 18, 2013 at 8:51 PM · Report this
Yes, that's the definition I was going by, though admittedly a lot of the beer I drink is more like 5.5 or 6 percent.
Posted by Eirene on April 18, 2013 at 9:40 PM · Report this
Dr Sean - Think of it similarly to negative calories. One does not give oneself negative calories for declining to eat fruitcake. The key to true Puritanical abstention lay in Resisting Temptation. Those for whom the sin just wasn't attractive and thus didn't obsess about it got very little credit indeed.

At any rate, many happy decades of Chateau Thames Embankment to you. If you were a woman, you could emulate the tourist who went to Elvino's [?] in Fleet Street, was asked to leave because she was wearing trousers, and went on to call it the happiest day of her life when she was thrown out of Pommeroy's Wine Bar.
Posted by vennominon on April 19, 2013 at 4:06 AM · Report this
Ms Eirene - Now I'd have guessed your tipple to be gin and tonic. Then again, I mix so little in the world that perhaps beer is the new G & T.

Oh, dear - now I have gotten the question into my head as to whether or not beer is (or can be) feminist, and it will probably take me all day to get it out.
Posted by vennominon on April 19, 2013 at 4:10 AM · Report this
Communication is indeed required. However, I do not recommend that she write out a fantasy. While your play can be whatever you two agree on, it generally works best when the sub reveals what she is open to, and the dom chooses and leads. You want to be in charge, not following a script. Allowing the sub to envision the complete scene is asking for her to be disappointed.
The sub should also explicitly indicate things that are not allowed.

Email or lists left out for the other to find can work. Consider making available a list of role play scenarios where she is instructed to reply to each list entry with Yes, No, or Maybe:
UPS driver/housewife,
Lost/out of gas traveler asking to use the phone,
Desperate woman waiting for the bus/cab,
Escaped prisoner home invasion, and
the ever-classic French maid/Master of the house.
Add your own scenarios that interest you. What she chooses and rejects should give you insight.
Posted by vab251 on April 19, 2013 at 11:25 AM · Report this
Ven, I do in fact like gin and tonic as well, so you weren't far off.
Posted by Eirene on April 19, 2013 at 12:39 PM · Report this
@65, if you do try it please comment some time. I think the regulars here think I'm a spamming troll, or something.

Like I can make money off a remaindered book selling for a penny.

It just frustrates me because I know how to fix some of the problems women write in with.

Also please post if you think I'm full of baloney too.
Posted by Marrena on April 19, 2013 at 3:00 PM · Report this
For AARP: (nice start 72)
My lover and I, about 7 years ago, when we talked about venturing into role play, had a brainstorming session, where we wrote down absolutely EVERYTHING we could think of that could be a role play. Then, we went over the extensive list separately and wrote: Yes , No or Maybe to indicate whether we would be willing to try each one or not.
We learned a lot about each other and started exploring all the "yesses". We even hat a little hat the we would pull scenes out of.
About a year later we stumbled across a particular scene that was SUPER HOT for us and we just keep exploring variations on that theme... we may move on from it eventually, but not today, or tomorrow.
Good luck AARP
Posted by tomboi on April 19, 2013 at 6:08 PM · Report this
@venomminon, I didn't get your negative calories/fruitcake metaphor at first, but for good reason. Am I really the only person in the world who loves fruitcake?
Posted by cockyballsup on April 19, 2013 at 6:47 PM · Report this
Am I really the only person in the world who loves fruitcake?

No, you're not. Most of the people in my extended family do (including me).
Posted by Eirene on April 19, 2013 at 7:23 PM · Report this
nocutename 78
@74: I don't think you are a spamming troll. If I did, I would report your posts as spam, and I wouldn't bother responding to you. But I do think that you overestimate the power of diet in achieving orgasm.
Posted by nocutename on April 19, 2013 at 7:36 PM · Report this
mydriasis 79

Longevity? That's your metric?
I'd have to say quality of life is more important by far. I'd rather live to sixty, healthy happy and lucid than to eighty with a low quality of life.

Also, don't assume that someone who stays sober is puritanical...

I don't drink because I dislike the feeling. Alcohol is, by far, the crappiest most overrated drug I've ever tried.

I don't smoke pot anymore either since I've rarely experienced euphoria on it and more often than I'd like, it would mesh with my normal tendency to experience derealization/depersonalization/jamais vu and would send me WAY off the deep end in a frightening way. Especially once I was able to compare it to more euphoria-inducing substances, it felt like more a lateral move than an upward one in terms of mood.

And I certainly didn't find it improved sex at all. Painkillers, meth, coke, ecstasy, all do some pretty nifty things to sexual experience but their cost-benefit analysis rules them out for me too.

TL;DR in my experience sex makes a better drug than drugs anyway. Free, legal, unlikely to kill you. But I'm puritanical because I don't drink? :p
Posted by mydriasis on April 20, 2013 at 5:07 AM · Report this
mydriasis 80

My bad, you already addressed that!

I guess I was reacting more to people who assume that if you don't drink/smoke you're no fun. I do miss my partying days sometimes even though they were quite a while ago now. When I left the scene I took the music with me... especially this song :p…
Posted by mydriasis on April 20, 2013 at 5:21 AM · Report this
@74, Okay, I will definitely post once I get the book. I'll read through the health risks and then decide how closely I can follow the diet, and then I'll just give it a try for a few months and see what changes. I have two regular partners who routinely make me come, but there are still positions where, no matter how amazing it feels, I'm just not able to come, but maybe the diet will change this - I'm also wondering if it will allow me to have more intense orgasms. I'll tell my gentlemen friends about the diet and exercises too, so they can tell me if they notice any changes. I'll also make a note of any side effects, good or bad. I'm excited to start - it will be the hottest scientific inquiry since Kinsey. :)
Posted by chicago girl on April 20, 2013 at 7:42 AM · Report this
mydriasis 82
Pillow Princess... dying.
Posted by mydriasis on April 20, 2013 at 8:20 AM · Report this
Dan: The last two issues of OC Weekly omitted your column. I really miss them! What's going on?
Posted by zarembo on April 20, 2013 at 6:11 PM · Report this
For phimosis I would also recommend this exercise:…
Posted by dreamer_fla on April 20, 2013 at 9:37 PM · Report this
For phimosis I would also recommend this exercise:…
Posted by dreamer_fla on April 20, 2013 at 9:40 PM · Report this
@81 If you decide to try it, take your time working up to the full dose of fish oil, at least a couple weeks, otherwise you may have gastric distress. Give it a month at full fish oil dosage. The results should be obvious.

Men on the diet usually see results at full dosage within a few days, but women's hormone cycles affect libido. I don't generally recommend the diet for men because it will often cause premature ejaculation in younger men.
Posted by Marrena on April 21, 2013 at 3:47 AM · Report this
Beyond the ellipsis, how are "pillow princess" and "dying" connected?

Posted by Hunter78 on April 21, 2013 at 4:52 AM · Report this
@86, I didn't mean that my partners would try the diet, just that I'd ask them to pay attention and see if they notices any changes in my orgasms/libido.
Posted by chicago girl on April 21, 2013 at 7:42 AM · Report this
@mydriasis, I can relate to the feelings you get on pot. For me it is all in the dose and the people I am with - too much and the wrong people and I get all of what you say. But a little with the right person and music and sex becomes an epic trip.
Posted by cockyballsup on April 21, 2013 at 1:12 PM · Report this
mydriasis 90

Honestly, it wasn't dose-response (or set-setting for that matter) for me, it was more threshold. But I have a lot of appreciation for a drug that can be so positive for so many people while having very minimal negative effects.
Posted by mydriasis on April 21, 2013 at 2:05 PM · Report this
Hey Dan,

I'm writing in response to your "Dick Holes" article on April 17, 2013. You and Dr. King gave great advice to Dick Hole Panic, but I wanted to add that in the event stretching - or "preputial gymnastics" - didn't work for him, that there are less invasive surgical procedures than full circumcision. Specifically, there's Preputioplasty, which wikipedia calls a "limited dorsal slit with transverse closure". Essentially a surgeon makes a small vertical incision in your foreskin, and then closes it horizontally. When I was younger I had a short frenulum (or "frenulum breve"), and had a similar procedure done (a "frenuloplasty"). For my part, I'm pretty stoked I was able to keep my foreskin, it brings me and my partner a lot of pleasure.

Lastly, Dick Hole Panic says he's not having any sexual or health problems, so maybe this is a "problem" that doesn't need fixing. My girlfriend says she's had previous lovers with phimosis, and it didn't affect the sex at all. I think we're still a little foreskin-phobic in this country, and if Dick Hole Panic's cock works for him, it's sounds like he's fine.
Posted by He's Got Options on April 21, 2013 at 3:20 PM · Report this
Registered European 92
Nothing wrong with foreskins, but you should be able to pull them back for cleaning purposes. So DHP should definitely look at non-destructive minor surgery (preputioplasty as described by @91) if the stretching does not work.
Posted by Registered European on April 22, 2013 at 8:09 AM · Report this
@Hunter--allow me to translate: "'Pillow princess'--what an amusing term! It is so amusing, in fact, that I find myself (metaphorically, of course, and not in any literal sense) dying with laughter."

Speaking of amusing terms, I had to look up "jamais vu", which means exactly what you'd expect it to mean. I always thought that was called "vuja dé".
Posted by LateBloomer on April 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM · Report this
@92: if the foreskin's that attached, and the guy's had no irritation, it's unlikely that there's a hygiene problem. Babies' and toddlers' foreskins don't retract, and one just cleans off the outside when changing diapers or bathing them.
Posted by Eirene on April 22, 2013 at 11:59 AM · Report this

Of course you're allowed to translate, please do. But you didn't.

I thought a pillow princess was a woman who receives oral, but doesn't give. Or more generally a purely self indulgent receiver in bed. I don't see why that's so humorous.

I still don't get Myd's cryptic "Pillow Princess... dying." [82]
Posted by Hunter78 on April 22, 2013 at 3:19 PM · Report this
seandr 96
@Hunter78: as in "dying of laughter"
Posted by seandr on April 22, 2013 at 5:34 PM · Report this
BrotherBob 97
Circumcision does not have to be removal of tissue. The phimosis scar can be cut and the healing supervised. Many cultures practices this kind of circumcision in the past.
Posted by BrotherBob on April 23, 2013 at 11:47 AM · Report this
I blew that one.
Posted by Hunter78 on April 23, 2013 at 3:32 PM · Report this
@11 Ninalyn, @16 jujubee, and everyone else on the griz-bashing wagon: I was thinking more of "Carrie", an earlier SK book which I actually found quite depressing, regardless of how King's cruelly evil fictional character Christine Hargenson and others got what they rightfully deserved.

As for my opinion on misogyny, which still stands--or any form of abuse---what about Delores Claiborne's husband Joe St. George, who drunkenly believed in "home correction"? Ever hear of Wendy Torrance?
The Overlook Hotel? Redrum? Does that ring a bell?
I'm glad King loves his wife, Tabitha, and their grown children, Naomi, Joe, and Owen, and any grandchildren. I simply got my fill of HORROR, however fictional, and have since moved on. This is nothing personal to the author Stephen King.

Please direct bashing where it belongs, and not at someone simply expressing an opinion. We don't all listen to the same music, eat the same food, enjoy the same beverages, share the same sexual tastes, or read the same novels.

Come on, for fuck's sake--the SUN'S OUT!!!
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 24, 2013 at 9:52 AM · Report this
Just to set the record straight by the way: I am NOT out to bash author Stephen King (or Dr. Stephen King, either!).

There was a brief article in the Seattle Times today, as a matter of fact, that mentioned SK and his wife Tabitha just donated five figures for Coalition for a Safer Maine in efforts to promote gun safety laws.
I agree: Dan Savage, Doctor Stephen King and Best-selling author Stephen King and their families are all WAY COOL.
What I have found to personally be depressing SK reads, despite the strength of the book characters, female or male, is the violent, hateful and abusive mistreatment some of the male characters (i.e: Jack Torrance, Joe St. George, towards their wives/girlfriends. I know where those women are coming from, that's all. End of story.

Now everybody go out and get some Vitamin D while it's out there!
Posted by auntie grizelda on April 24, 2013 at 2:00 PM · Report this
101 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
@Eva Hopkins:

Fat-based edibles are expensive and highly caloric, but ethanol extraction is efficient and doesn’t require much. About 0.15 g cannabis extracted in 2.5 mL of grain alcohol produces an intense, five-hour high for very few calories and about $2–3.
Posted by Rieux on April 27, 2013 at 12:31 PM · Report this
@auntie_grizelda: you seem to have missed the part in all of these books, ALL of them, where the men in question get what's coming to them. Dolores is portrayed as a hero for tricking Joe into the well in order to save her daughter; indeed, the police in the case decline to charge her for his murder. Wendy is abused, yes--but by a reprehensible man. Would you rather we just not discuss that there are abused women? That, to me, seems the more misogynistic attitude.

And Carrie is horror--it's not supposed to be uplifting. If you want that, go read Nicholas Sparks.

Don't accuse a man of misogyny because he paints a real picture of the world. Denying that picture--THAT is the real misogyny.
Posted by Ninalyn on April 30, 2013 at 1:21 PM · Report this
@103 Ninalyn: Trust me, I haven't missed a thing. I'm well aware that the all the reprehensible misogynist assholes in Stephen King's books get what they richly deserve.
Having left an abusive relationship, myself, and put it well behind me, I find
SK books, many being reprinted (i.e.: Delores Claiborne, The Shining, etc.)
depressing reads. So yes, I'd rather read humor. Doing so does not make me a misogynist!

I have participated in Take Back the Night rallies where I live. I have contributed to Turning Point, Planned Parenthood, and the YWCA whenever I can. Other women have wept from hearing about what I have lived through! This is not to be cruel, but to relate to their pain and help them in recovery of their current traumas.

Don't accuse me of misogyny because I have lived it, shared my story, and moved on. And by simply not reading Stephen King novels, how am I denying anything? Your argument makes no sense at all.
Are you trolling simply out of sheer boredom?

Posted by auntie grizelda on April 30, 2013 at 10:46 PM · Report this
Ahhhhhh, listen everyone------------crickets!
Posted by auntie grizelda on May 15, 2013 at 11:13 PM · Report this

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