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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Sometimes You Just Want to See a Giant Spider Eating a Bird

posted by on October 28 at 2:36 PM

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And a mouse biting a viper to death:

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And a heron using a rabbit for a purse:

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(Courtesy of those freaks at the Telegraph.)


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Nervous About the Election?

posted by on October 22 at 12:40 PM

And playing hooky from work? You should go to the Arboretum. It looks like this right now:

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This photo was taken on Saturday, but today the sunshine will make the trees look even better. We wouldn't suggest that you take a flask of brandy because that would be illegal.

Photo by MaxineToo on Flickr.


Monday, October 13, 2008

"At first, I was nervous. Then I was like, 'Whatever.'"

posted by on October 13 at 4:10 PM

The Associated Press gets an interview with Levi Johnston.

The Cliffs Notes, in case you don't feel like reading it: the MySpace page was a "joke" that he had nothing to do with; he thinks the kid is going to be a boy and looks forward taking him hunting and fishing; he's going to tattoo Bristol Palin's name on his ring finger because he's forgetful and would surely lose a real ring; and he won't be voting in the election because he failed to register to vote on time.

According to Slog tipper Kay:

I think this article is just chock full of comedic/truth-bending gold.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Seven-Year-Old Broke Into Australian Zoo, Fed Rare Reptiles to Crocodile

posted by on October 3 at 12:50 PM

I wonder where this kid will be in 15 years...

Via BBC News:

The attack happened on Wednesday morning after the boy entered the zoo by jumping over the security fence and evading sensor alarms.

Over the next half hour, he bludgeoned some of the animals to death with stones and hurled others over the two fences surrounding the crocodile enclosure.

At one point, he tried scaling the outer enclosure himself to get to "Terry", the 11ft (3.3m) saltwater crocodile.

A turtle, four Western blue-tongued lizards, two bearded dragons, two thorny devil lizards and the zoo's 20-year-old goanna were among those killed.

The zoo is considering suing the parents, since the boy is "too young to be prosecuted." Read the full story here.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Pit Bull Terrorizes Entire City Block

posted by on September 22 at 5:26 PM

The pit bull pictured in the terrible photo below was locked in a car outside The Stranger's offices, and therefore unable to chew off anybody's face. Instead, it cleverly decided to sit on the car's horn for about five minutes straight, driving the whole block temporarily insane.

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Well played, sir.

When I walked out to get a picture, he jumped into the back seat and has remained there so far.

How do I know it's a he? He has great big balls (not pictured), for the making of more pit bulls.

UPDATE: Window was cracked. No evidence whatsoever that this dog owner is irresponsible, other than the dog's continued possession of nutsack.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

RE: Who Let the Dogs Out?*

posted by on September 16 at 2:22 PM

Or maybe, instead of the dogs themselves, it was the monkeys...

(*This is my last "cute animal" post for the day, nay, week. I promise. And thanks to Robby for the tip.)

Who Let the Dogs Out?

posted by on September 16 at 12:06 PM

No one. The dogs, well, this dog, let herself out.


I love puppies.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Children Are Our Future (We're Fucked)

posted by on September 10 at 2:45 PM

The other day, I found myself--for the first time in years--inside a community center, a place where babies gather to engage in art projects and table tennis and psychological warfare. In the main hallway, I noticed that some enterprising and earnest babies had constructed a large wire dome, on which they had pinned an army of colorful felt homunculi and a bunch of note cards. Each note card bore one baby's vision for the future of earth.

I know you guys think that Sarah Palin and John McCain are scary, but check out what these fuckin' babies have in store for us:

Baby #1:
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"I wish the animals were not scared of anything."

Oh, great! Great idea, dumbass. Personally, I feel a lot safer knowing that sharks are scared of my outboard motor, and bears are afraid of me waving my arms and yelling "Don't eat me, fucker!", and snakes couldn't be more terrified of my fucking foot and just want to hide in a hole all year instead of, you know, CHOMPING MY TOE WITH THEIR VENOMOUS FANGS.

Baby #2:
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"I wish spider weren't feared."

Ohhhh, fantastic. You know that's just what they want, right? You're playing right into their eight tiny hands! Spiders cannot wait for us to let our guard down and stop squishing them so that, under cover of night, they can carry out their ultimate scheme: to eat every single one of our eyeballs. Do you like having eyeballs? Me too. But you can kiss your eyeballs goodbye (well, not physically--that's impossible) if these babies get their way.

Baby #3:
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"I wish there were more animals."

Whoa whoa whoa. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? You babies are even crazier than I thought. So once you've established your armies of fearless, bloodthirsty beasts, and we humans are hobbling around blind and toeless, what you're wishing for is more animals?! Fuck!

Baby #4:
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"I wish seals could say their feelings."

I have no criticism here. This actually is my fondest wish.

Baby #5:
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"I wish all animals could celebrate holidays."

Haven't the animals taken enough from us already? I mean, really. My god.


I think the lesson here is clear: DO NOT ELECT BABIES TO PUBLIC OFFICE. Or animals, for that matter. I think they may have formed some sort of alliance. We're fucked.


Friday, September 5, 2008

Enclosure (in a Letter to the Editor) of the Day

posted by on September 5 at 12:35 AM

Uh, has this already been all over the web? I haven't seen it, a Google image search isn't giving me any matches to it, and the letter-to-the-editor writer (the email they sent is in a thread that mentions http://whatreallyhappened.com and alaskacafe.blogspot.com, though I can't find it on either site) hasn't gotten back to me. It's gotta be fake, right?

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Did anyone else just put on Hall & Oates' "Sara Smile"?


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Movie Night at Havana: The Warriors: An Update

posted by on August 26 at 7:45 PM

Turns out The Warriors really wanted to go on tonight, but electronics and rain don't mix, and the weather people are always fucking up (Case & Point: Tonight). As such, the gang are gonna hide out tonight, and they'll come out whenever they feel like it.

Movie Night at Havana: The Warriors

posted by on August 26 at 6:40 PM

So the last few Tuesday Movie Nights at Havana have been moved or cancelled do to the total Crapfest that replaced our August. It would be blasphemy, though, to let a few luminous clouds scare off a viewing of The Warriors. As such, the thing goes down tonight, as scheduled, whenever the sun goes down (Your guess is as good as mine). So buck up, bring a blanket, and do The Warriors proud. C'mon, would they be scared?

"Goats Downtown?"

posted by on August 26 at 3:56 PM

Slog tipper Kristi writes:

There is a fairly large herd of actual GOATS hanging out in the I-5 greenway by Pine St. and Boren, below the new dog park (down about 1 block west from the Baltic Room). Seriously! I can see them from my office. There is a also a collie going nuts because I think they are inspiring his/her natural herding instinct. Do you know the back story on this??

I do not, but I love actual goats. If anyone has any info, please share.


Monday, August 25, 2008

Overheard in the Office

posted by on August 25 at 5:15 PM

Lindy West: "Did you hear there was a tornado or something in the U District?"


Friday, August 22, 2008

Allow Me to Ruin Your Day

posted by on August 22 at 11:32 AM

One of the saddest stories of the week (but not as traumatizing as Allison's):

BERLIN - A gorilla at a zoo in the German city of Muenster is refusing to let go of her dead baby's body several days after it died of unknown causes.

Allwetter Zoo spokeswoman Ilona Zuehlke says the 3-month-old male baby died on Saturday but its 11-year-old mother continues to carry its body around. Zuehlke says such behavior is not uncommon to gorillas.

Zuehlke says the mother "is mourning and must say goodbye." The mother gorilla is named Gana.

I had no idea gorillas did that. The rest of the story, and a photo, are here.

Thanks to tipster Gurldoggie.


Monday, August 18, 2008

Found in a Front Yard in Fairbanks, Alaska

posted by on August 18 at 10:21 AM

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Well, he's got the bear-hunting vote. Pretty butch for a lawyer.

Thanks to the Slog-tipping, globe-trotting Nevdon J.


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Some Dudes in Georgia Claim to Have Found Bigfoot

posted by on August 13 at 2:52 PM

And they say they have the body to prove it.

Headline of the Day

posted by on August 13 at 9:31 AM

It's not even 10:00 a.m., and we have a winner.

Man with rifle and 10lbs of pot caught driving over 90mph while taping himself masturbating

Here's a link to a more complete story, from the Northern Territory News. This man is an end-of-days hero, Mad Max incarnate, speeding through the Australian bush with a whole lot of pot and a whole lot of testosterone.

Sgt Edwards said Mr Erhardt was arrested and told officers he had "found'' the drugs at a rest stop 100km north of Coober Pedy -- and he intended to smoke all of it at his Noonamah home.

Mr Erhardt also told police he had used the rifle to shoot "kangaroos from the vehicle whilst driving north.''

Mr Erhardt applied twice for bail last week so he could get married before going to jail.

Mr. Erhardt is also a father of three.

Thanks to Slog tipper Matthew.


Thursday, July 31, 2008

LUBBER GRASSHOPPER CONTROLL ???????????????

posted by on July 31 at 3:40 PM

I have shared with you before that I am a member of the International Bulb Society, the group that is endowed with the unfortunate acronym IBS and that provides me with up to 30 emails every day. These emails usually involve heated debates (that I could not possibly enter, for my relationship with bulbs remains at the acquaintance level) about subjects such as which sort of hippieastrum is the best. Sitting on the sidelines of these conversations is a happy part of my daily life.

Today, I received an email with the title "LUBBER GRASSHOPPER CONTROLL ???????????????" and it immediately brought equanimity to my weather-troubled soul.

I am not pleased about our current weather in Seattle. Seattle often does not receive memos about which month we are actually in, rather creating days according to unknowable, clearly non-calendrical whims.

However, this is nothing compared to the problem of the lubber, and other types of, grasshopper, about which several IBS members are currently worked up.

Have you ever lived through a grasshopper infestation? Are you living through one now?

IT IS INSANE.

It means that when you walk, anywhere, you crunch.

This photograph is not in any way overstating the situation. In fact, I'm surprised the storefront in the background isn't covered.

Seattle, I love your chilly, gray, bugless July. I'm sorry I complained.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Awwwwwww

posted by on July 30 at 11:53 PM

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(AP Photo/The Daily Reporter, Rob Morgan.)

CANEY, Kan. - A dog at a southeast Kansas zoo has adopted three tiger cubs abandoned by their mother. Safari Zoological Park owner Tom Harvey said the tiger cubs were born Sunday, but the mother had problems with them. A day later, the mother stopped caring for them. Harvey said the cubs were wandering around, trying to find their birth mother, who wouldn't pay attention to them. That's when the cubs were put in the care of a golden retriever, Harvey said. Harvey said it's unusual for dogs to care for tiger cubs, but it does happen.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Don't Be Skeered, It's Just a Beard

posted by on July 10 at 11:14 AM

The Whisker Club of Bremerton is no amateur growing contest. These guys are serious.


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Greenwater Lakes Trail

posted by on June 22 at 10:17 PM

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The Greenwater Lakes trail is a good choice if you're taking a beginning hiker with you. It's a scenic and relatively easy four miles round-trip to the upper Greenwater lake. Recommended even on a cloudy day.

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Pig 'n Boots!

posted by on June 10 at 4:07 PM

Lil' Pig is afraid of the mud, so they put boots on her!

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(Thank you, Matt Hickey.)


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Here. Let's End Our Workday in the Best Way Possible.

posted by on May 14 at 4:50 PM

As my boyfriend says, "Anteaters are the new lolcats, but they don't need any captions."

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So many more photos that make me squeal with delight are found in this blog of "weird and wonderful things."

(Photo credit: TamanduaGirl)


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Having A Rough Day?

posted by on May 13 at 3:45 PM

Maybe a dog raising six kittens and six puppies at the same time will help.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Homesteading for Ron Paul

posted by on May 7 at 11:35 AM

As regular readers of the The Stranger's print edition might be aware, I've found myself in a mild housing problem, which has left me in the market for a new home. And while many considerations have been brought into play while searching for said new home—distance to ethereal Vietnamese dinner option Ballet being paramount among them—there's always been a certain nagging thought:

"No matter where I decide to settle, my landlords will almost certainly not have the covenant of freedom espoused by Ron Paul guiding their every decision."

And really, if I'm to be a true American, can I really settle for the petty tyranny of a landlord anyway? What if they come for my guns in the middle of the night? What if they won't accept my Ron Paul gold dollars as payment for my rent? These are the things that keep me up nights.

With this in mind, my discovery today that Paul supporters have apparently bought a small chunk of West Texas with the intention of turning it into a gated Community of Freedom (dubbed 'Paulville'!) pretty much settled my looming housing crisis:

The West Texas Community was selected for it's warm climate and great solar and wind generation capabilities, along with low cost of establishment. Close to the small agricultural community of Dell City, Texas in Hudspeth county.

Hudspeth county has no building codes, this is important to people who want to experiment with alternative building technologies such as straw bale, rammed earth, papercrete an other non traditional building styles for these off grid homes.

Many investors of this property are seeking off grid technologies such as solar and wind power, realizing true freedom is when you have no obligations to pay and or rely on the grid for services like electricity. However most investors are very technology orientated and will have needed convenience items such as cell phones and internet connections.

I don't even know what 'rammed earth' means, but I'm all over it. Any idea what the media market is like in Dell City, Texas?


Monday, April 28, 2008

re: The Day in WTF

posted by on April 28 at 2:44 PM

Look, PETA. It's fine if you want to post a $2,000 reward for information leading to the identification of the person who has been shooting blow darts at pigeons downtown.

I'm not sure hunting pigeons with blow darts is illegal, but if you want to burn a couple grand to find out, that's your business.

But don't let your spokespeople (like Tori Perry, quoted in today's Times) say dumb, dumb things like:

"This is just a horrifying case... Someone who would do this to an animal is a short step away from doing this to a human being."

You don't know that, Tori. Maybe, maybe—if we find out the blowgunner is just being cruel.

But maybe he or she is just after dinner. Maybe he or she is like my great-uncle Angelo who, when he arrived in Massachusetts from Italy, used to hunt pigeons in the park to make sopa coada. (Which mortally embarrassed his nephew/my uncle John, who was afraid his friends would see fresh-off-the-boat Angelo creeping around the park with a big net while they played football. Ain't that America, etc.)

So, Tori, are you accusing my uncle Angelo of being a psychopath? Are you suggesting that immigrants whose culinary tastes differ from yours are psychopaths?

Are you, Ms. PETA, perhaps guilty of a little xenophobia? Maybe even a little racism?

Hm? Are you?


Thursday, April 24, 2008

Today in Everything Ever

posted by on April 24 at 6:00 PM

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Wait for it...

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

This Saturday: The Stranger Gong Show

posted by on April 23 at 3:06 PM

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Last spring at the Crocodile, a whole bunch of people came together to make the first-ever Stranger Gong Show a mind-blowing success.

This Saturday at Chop Suey, we're doing it again.

The date: Saturday, April 26.
The cost: Free.
The line-up: God only knows. We're looking for any and all human-based entertainments, including but not limited to jugglers, magicians, jug bands, tap dancers, strongmen, yodelers, stand-up comics, sword swallowers, contortionists, slam poets, marching bands, mimes, guys who shove quarters up their noses, bird callers, puppeteers, tuba players, hula hoopers, comedy skits, chanteuses, ventriloquists, clog dancers, celebrity impersonators, butoh dancers, vaudeville acts, accordianists, and air bands.

The rules: All acts must run between 45 seconds and four minutes, and require a minimum of set-up. (We'll provide a mic and amp.) Due to "laws," no acts can feature fire or kids (it's a bar).

Acts can get on the bill just by showing up at Chop Suey the night of the show, or by signing up in advance online.

Confidential to all those people who secretly want to perform at the Gong Show but instead of polishing their acts are searching for reasons to not do it: Stop it! Don't hide your light under a bushel--put it on stage, so people can gape in amazement!

And oh yeah: Gong Show prizes include--among many other delights--passes to Sasquatch, Bumbershoot, and HUMP! and $100 cash!

As for judges: Stranger Gong Show judges are based entirely on the original Gong Show prototype.

Our Jaye P. Morgan-esque "boozy floozy" judge is Kerri Harrop!
Our Charles Nelson Reilly-esque homosexual judge is Adrian Ryan!
Our superstar celebrity judge (who also has a bit of the Jaye P. Morgan in her) is Sarah Rudinoff!
Our Zimbabwe-born Marxist judge is Charles Mudede!
And our final judge is a real judge, Judge Barry Wright!

Be there or die trying.


Saturday, April 19, 2008

One Week from Today

posted by on April 19 at 12:00 PM

gong-show-logo.jpg

Last spring at the Crocodile, a whole bunch of people came together to make the first-ever Stranger Gong Show a mind-blowing success.

This spring at Chop Suey, we're doing it again.

The date: Saturday, April 26.
The cost: Free.
The line-up: God only knows. We're looking for any and all human-based entertainments, including but not limited to jugglers, magicians, jug bands, tap dancers, strongmen, yodelers, stand-up comics, sword swallowers, contortionists, slam poets, marching bands, mimes, guys who shove quarters up their noses, bird callers, puppeteers, tuba players, hula hoopers, comedy skits, chanteuses, ventriloquists, clog dancers, celebrity impersonators, butoh dancers, vaudeville acts, accordianists, and air bands.

The rules: All acts must run between 45 seconds and four minutes, and require a minimum of set-up. (We'll provide a mic and amp.) Due to "laws," no acts can feature fire or kids (it's a bar).

Acts can get on the bill just by showing up at Chop Suey the night of the show, or by signing up in advance online.

Confidential to all those people who secretly want to perform at the Gong Show but instead of polishing their acts are searching for reasons to not do it: Stop it! Don't hide your light under a bushel--put it on stage, so people can gape in amazement!

And oh yeah: Gong Show prizes include--among many other delights--passes to Sasquatch, Bumbershoot, and HUMP! and $100 cash!

UPDATE: Slog commenter Napoleon XIV asks, "Who gets to judge?" Stranger Gong Show judges are based entirely on the original Gong Show prototype.

Our Jaye P. Morgan-esque "boozy floozy" judge is Kerri Harrop!
Our Charles Nelson Reilly-esque homosexual judge is Adrian Ryan!
Our superstar celebrity judge (who also has a bit of the Jaye P. Morgan in her) is Sarah Rudinoff!
Our Zimbabwe-born Marxist judge is Charles Mudede!
And our final judge is a real judge, Judge Barry Wright!


Thursday, April 17, 2008

Something New to Worry About

posted by on April 17 at 10:37 AM

An eagle carrying off my kid—or just, you know, hurling my kid off a cliff. Sorry, DJ, no more hikes in the Cascades.

Via Towleroad.


Friday, March 21, 2008

Coming Soon: The Second Annual Stranger Gong Show

posted by on March 21 at 1:19 PM

Last spring at the Crocodile, a whole bunch of people came together to make the first-ever Stranger Gong Show a mind-blowing success.

This spring at Chop Suey, we're doing it again.

The date: Saturday, April 26.
The cost: Free.
The line-up: God only knows. We're looking for any and all human-based entertainments, including but not limited to jugglers, magicians, jug bands, tap dancers, strongmen, yodelers, stand-up comics, sword swallowers, contortionists, slam poets, marching bands, mimes, guys who shove quarters up their noses, bird callers, puppeteers, tuba players, hula hoopers, comedy skits, chanteuses, ventriloquists, clog dancers, celebrity impersonators, butoh dancers, vaudeville acts, accordianists, and air bands.

The rules: All acts must run between 45 seconds and four minutes, and require a minimum of set-up. (We'll provide a mic and amp.) Due to "laws," no acts can feature fire or kids (it's a bar).

Acts can get on the bill just by showing up at Chop Suey the night of the show, or by signing up in advance in our forthcoming online form. (Coming soon, stay tuned.)

In the meantime, please enjoy this taste of the late, great, and fuh-reaky original Gong Show.


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

An American Tale

posted by on March 11 at 4:58 PM

Little Paul John Schalow of El Mirage, Arizona, was minding his own business, celebrating his tenth birthday in the Tonto National Forest, among the cacti and the rocks...

Superstition%20Mountains%2C%20Tonto%20National%20Forest%2C%20Arizona.jpg

... when he was attacked by a rabid mountain lion.

"It just placed its paw on me, and it bites my head," Paul told KSAZ-TV Monday. "It scratches my back.

"I just stayed calm. I like animals but I know this one would probably try to kill me."

Then one of Little Paul's unflappable uncles pulled out his pistol and shot the rabid mountain lion while it was right next to the kid, baring its fangs.

But the unflappable uncle is a crack shot, a son of the American west, and he killed the rabid mountain lion quite, quite dead.

Then, for reasons nobody entirely understands, one of Little Paul's unflappable grandfathers "performed an impromptu autopsy on the lion, discovering skunk parts in his stomach."

Then the family took the mountain lion home, before jackbooted thugs from the Arizona Department of Fish and Wildlife carted it away to test for rabies (yup) and administer shots to Little Paul and his unflappable male relatives.

And that was the day Little Paul became a man.

More here.

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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Sorry

posted by on March 5 at 3:59 PM

Next time I'm on TV I'll make sure to use one of these:
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Thursday, February 28, 2008

When Snowboarders Disappear

posted by on February 28 at 3:47 PM

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This week in The Stranger, Courtney Nash writes about the three snowboarders who disappeared a couple months ago in the Crystal Mountain backcountry.

On Friday, November 30, 2007, Kevin Carter, Devlin Williams, and Phillip Hollins--roommates and coworkers--set out for a weekend of backcountry snowboarding near the Crystal Mountain Ski Area. It was an adventure they'd been planning for months. After an uneventful November, the snow was suddenly falling heavily, and the Cascade Mountains were covered in fresh, untracked powder. During the summer and fall months, the men had built a lean-to shelter near Union Creek, a few miles southeast of the resort, and by all accounts that was their planned destination. But they never made it to the shelter and they never came home.

Nash talks to Joseph Schaaf, the last person to see the three of them alive. The photo above--taken by Sean Hallissey--is of a memorial someone's put up on the ridgeline near where Schaaf saw them.