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Monday, August 25, 2008

If You Don't Hear From Me Tomorrow...

posted by on August 25 at 4:08 PM

It's probably because I'm slowly dissolving in the stomach-pod of a giant alien fungus.

Here is the situation: I have lived in my current apartment for one year and eight months. Today, I stepped through my front gate for an unremarkable (if drippy) walk to work, and was confronted with this magnificent beast:

magicfungus.jpg

Dear people of Slog,
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! I have never seen this extremely large yellow thing before in my entire life. Was it always there, but somehow eluded my gaze for 20 unsuspecting months? Did it appear overnight, in conjunction with that glowing chunk of space garbage I found pulsating in the ferns? And most importantly, SHOULD I EAT IT!? Please advise.
Love,
Lindy

PS Isn't it pretty?

Ninjas: The Anti-Drug

posted by on August 25 at 10:11 AM

So… um, wow. I guess this happened last week…

Concerned an ex-girlfriend and others in their circle of friends were descending into drug use, two young men from Clifton took their intervention to unusual heights.

First the pair, self-described admirers of the Shinobi ninja warrior culture of feudal Japan, donned masks and black SWAT-type vests early Wednesday. Then they armed themselves with swords, ninja throwing knives, nunchuks and throwing stars.

They carried letters that threatened "justified yet merciful force" to those who ignored their warnings and continued to smoke pot or, worse yet, persuaded others to try the drug.

They planned to drop the letters at the doors of friends, including one they accused of supplying the drugs to others. As assurance against counterattacks, they brought along homemade smoke bombs they'd concocted from instructions on YouTube.

But the art of the ninja, based on stealth and cunning, failed them.

The whole too-fantastic-to-be-fantasy news story continues in detail right over here. A note to concerned friends: If you find yourself donning ninja gear and orchestrating a blitzkrieg to stop your friend’s pot smoking, you may need to reconsider who needs the intervention.


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Synchro Smackdown

posted by on August 23 at 12:12 AM

So, Jen Graves and I are very stupid and our laptops are not equipped to handle Cover It Live. This will be old-school liveslog. Comment in the regular comments.

Annie: Whew. I am exhausted. I have been watching teenage Jen Graves point her toes and spin around upside down for a half hour, and I now feel prepared to handle the NBC broadcast of the team technical event. So what is the techical event, Jen?

Jen: Technical event is, you know, technical. Less free than the free routine. Which is happening right this second. So if you're watching on a computer that has an Intel processor, for the love of god, then you can see that. We here have an incredibly complex setup that involves one Intel-enabled live feed, one television, and two computers, neither of which can handle, you know, simple live-blogging programs. But we digress.

WHO IS EXCITED???????

Annie: I was pretty excited by that fireball the news had on just now. I have no idea what was on fire. Oh well. So, the NBC broadcast starts at 12:30 and it will be some stuff that happened, like, 24 hours ago. If you don't have an Intel processor and want to see the free routine (after which the medals will be awarded), then you have to wait until tomorrow between 9 and 5. Very helpful. If you do have an Intel processor, you can click here and be 24 hours ahead of us.

What I want to know is, does the technical event involve people being thrown around the pool? Obviously, the only cool thing about synchro is people being flung willy-nilly across the pool.

Continue reading "Synchro Smackdown" »


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Whatever the Price Was, It Was Wrong

posted by on August 20 at 1:00 PM

The first thing I thought when I saw this tattoo on Weird Universe was: Why would somebody get a tattoo of Charlie Crist? Is that Mr. Poe's arm?

bad_tat_thumb.jpg

I eventually figured it out, but man-oh-man was that an uncomfortable minute-and-a-half.

You Don't Love The Dark Knight as Much as This Guy Loves The Dark Knight

posted by on August 20 at 11:12 AM

Big Dumb Object links to this website where a guy reports on his progress in building a Batmobile from scratch in his garage:

homemobile.jpgI did this alone, no help. I have found with other things in the past that if you have help, the help often does not get it(parts) right, and you have to do it over 95% of the time, plus I like to work alone. All parts are scratch built, cept' tires, rims, brakes, engine, etc.. meaning all bodyparts, brackets, just about everything external on the car. Yes, I will do a batpod, and TDK suit for myself. I love building this stuff.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

William Henry "Hair"-isson (Haw-haw!)

posted by on August 14 at 12:00 PM

Ed Park's wondrous personal blog, The Dizzies has a link to a delightful website that has portraits of every American president...

a42.jpg

...made out of hair! (There is no indication whether the hair is human or animal.) The misspellings are especially charming: "Andrew Jankson" was our 7th president, and "James knox Palk" was our 11th, to say nothing of "Ponald Wilson Reagan." There are also portraits of Marx, Lenin, Princess Diana, and "Einsetein."


Monday, August 11, 2008

Cheese: The Totally Other Food Group. Apparently. Maybe From Space!

posted by on August 11 at 4:20 PM

I was grocery shopping at the Ballard Fred Meyer with a dear friend. (I don’t grocery shop personally; I just swoop down upon the screaming villagers.) And this friend? Well let’s get all in the open: she uses coupons. Coupons! By the fistful. She does it without blushing or regret, and I say God fucking bless her. The strength to use coupons is a courage I shall never possess.

Now, let us not quibble over facts: Cheese is a dairy product. Unless I have been grossly misinformed, it is pretty much THE dairy product. If we were playing Pictionary and the phrase was “dairy”, I’d draw a big triangular fucking piece of cheese (with some nice Swiss holes in it) and you’d scream “DAIRY!” and we’d win. That cheese is a dairy product and nothing else is the single universal governing principle upon which the entire universe revolves. Wee bitty children understand this. All else is madness.

But just you try telling that to Fred Meyer.

So my good friend had a coupon for, you guessed it, one dairy product. Simple! “Redeemable for one dairy purchase, retail value of $3” it said, and so she produced it to the checkout woman along with a perfectly reasonable package of cheese. Medium Cheddar, in lovely unwrapped slices, retail value $3.99. And the check-er-outer lady looked at it a while and said (without the slightest trace of irony),

“I don’t think cheese is a dairy product.”

Oh. Um. Well. Yes. Um. WHAT?

“No, they don’t consider cheese a dairy product.”

They? WHO precisely is this “they” that don’t "consider cheese a dairy product"!?

“Fred Meyer Corporation.”

Oh. Of course. Fred Meyer Corporation. Indeed. Who else?

You’re fucking joking, yes?

“No.”

And so my friend paid $3.99 for her cheese, and saved the coupon for another day and a real dairy product. Like light bulbs, or deodorant.

Cheese is not dairy! Fred Meyer has spoken!

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"Strike fear into the people that need fear into them."

posted by on August 11 at 12:00 PM

A few months ago, I alerted Slog readers to this article that I wrote for Salt Lake's City Weekly about the Black Monday Society, which is a team of real life superheroes who patrol Salt Lake's streets, looking for crime.

Well, MyFox Utah sent a photojournalist to report on the Black Monday Society. I can't embed the player here, but the above link works just fine. It's worth watching to hammer home the fact that these people are really doing this. It's also worth watching because it's probably been years since you've heard that "Hey Man, Nice Shot" song that was really a mid-'90's classic. Most notable about this video for me is that this superhero, Crawler:

crawlerBMS.jpg

says he got involved with the Black Monday Society because of my article. Which means that I kind of created a superhero. Which means, as Jonah Spangenthal-Lee pointed out, that I must be a super-villain.


Thursday, August 7, 2008

There Are No Words For This Picture

posted by on August 7 at 5:07 PM

Tor's blog, which is still awesome, links to this guide on how to give yourself real elf ears. I really hope this is an internet hoax, but I think it might not be:

elfears.jpg

Lots more pictures, including some gross ones with stitches, here.


That Cloned Pit Bull Story Gets 10,000 Times Weirder

posted by on August 7 at 11:04 AM

newdog99.jpg

On Tuesday, Dan slogged about the kooky lady who spent $50,000 to clone her dead pit bull.

Today the UK's Daily Mail follows up, with a splashy story suggesting the kooky lady might be significantly kookier than we thought.

The heart of the the story: The distinct possibility that the woman who recently cloned her dead pit bull is the same woman who once kidnapped, bound, and repeatedly raped a Mormon missionary, then attempted to avoid prosecution by fleeing the country disguised as a "deaf-mute mime artist."

Read the whole weird thing here.


Monday, August 4, 2008

I.. Ummm... Wow.

posted by on August 4 at 1:16 PM

I want to post this every day. Not another one like this, just this one.

Another.


Friday, August 1, 2008

So You'll Remember Slog All Weekend Long

posted by on August 1 at 5:02 PM

What's more disturbing: this video, which supposedly points out how clean a hotel chain rooms are...

...or the fact that, without a doubt, somebody out there can't stop masturbating to these videos?

Also, the Extended Stay website has a series of commercials promoting various elements of their hotels—in-room kitchens, laundries, gyms, multiple locations—and their new mascot lady licks each feature in turn.

(Via AdFreak.)


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

This Bride Do You Take?

posted by on July 29 at 1:04 PM

Slog tipper Cristin writes, in an e-mail headlined "No one should love Admiral Ackbar this much":

Hi Paul,

I thought of your column in the Queer Issue when I saw these wedding photos. Nothing says eternal love like dressing up as two minor characters from Return of the Jedi (I'm assuming the bride is supposed to be Mon Mothma).

Ackbar.jpg

More photos, including Yoda officiating the ceremony, an AT-AT Walker wedding cake, and a kid with a bunch of makeup on his face here, and even more photos of the entire, crazy wedding (including the Slave Leia bridesmaid dresses) are on Flickr.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Cristin, and may the Force be with us all.

Hitler Sings "The Jeffersons" Theme

posted by on July 29 at 11:02 AM

This was already posted to Slog...

...but I posted it on a Sunday it deserves a wider weekday audience. Man, Hitler has those black girl moves down, huh? Via VJ Tom Yaz, who does an awesome musical theater night at the Crown and Anchor in Provincetown.


Monday, July 28, 2008

I Believe the Children Are Our...Um...Yeah...

posted by on July 28 at 1:11 PM

You might not know it. Oh, no. You might not even believe it. But do you know what I am? Among oh-so many other delightful things? Do you? Well. I’m the fucking champion of America’s children. That’s what I am.

Believe it.

Case in point: I was lingering somewhere asinine–a small town far, far away–and I was browsing the trinkets and trash of said small town’s wee little thrift shop. Every small town has one–or should. I was picking my way through the usual dusty carnage of stained furniture and chipped nicknacks (most from the early Dead Grandmother Period) when I stumbled upon a horror to rival all horrors: an abomination so hair-raising, so completely nauseating, it could only be rivaled by something like Hitler Youth, The Musical!, or...well, let’s be frank. It is a horror that cannot be rivaled. By anything. And it was this...

19069_M_SW125.jpg

No, your eyes do not deceive you. Bill O’Reilly. The O’Reilly Factor. For, um, Kids. KIDS! As in CHILDREN! Holy Jesus!

I know. Somebody please hold my hair back. Thinking about it still makes me puke.

But never you fear! The moment I laid eyes on this vile and wretched propaganda (from the vilest and wretchedest propagandizer that ever prapagandized) I knew precisely what I had to do. My mission was clear. Obvious. So I purchased the damn soul-twisting poison ($1.99 for an eight cassette set!!!), brought it home, and smashed every tape to unidentifiable bits with a great big hammer and a heart full of savage joy.

World’s children, you’re safe. And you’re fucking welcome.


Friday, July 25, 2008

We're All Gonna Die! (Part 1,436,951 in an Infinity-Part Series)

posted by on July 25 at 1:00 PM

Wendy White, guest-blogging over at Mighty God King, has brought The Lucifer Project to my attention. I had not heard of The Lucifer Project, but it's apparently pretty popular online. White explains it pretty succinctly:

It suggests that NASA’s Cassini project, which involves a probe orbiting and documenting Saturn and its moons, will conclude in a deadly final act - NASA will plummet the probe into Saturn, where it will detonate and ignite the planet in a glory of nuclear fusion.

Saturn becomes a new sun, frying Earth in the process - but providing the potential of new life on one of its moons for those with plans to escape and found a New World Order.

(As a side note, if you enter The Lucifer Project into Google Maps, the first thing that comes up is the John McCain for president Virginia headquarters. Curiouser and curiouser.) Cassini is supposed to reach the end of its deadly trip...get ready to panic...this month! I just thought you might want to have some inside information on this, in case a second sun appears in the sky. It was nice knowing you, Slog commenters.

everythingwasbeautiful.jpg


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I Just Read Your Back and I Was Moved

posted by on July 23 at 12:00 PM

I know that some people get mad when we post photos of tattoos, but I consider this a special case. This Recording, whose blog I have been greatly enjoying of late, has a whole post of literary tattoos.

Some people have T.S. Eliot on their backs, one guy has the opening paragraph of A Tale of Two Cities tattooed on his inner forearm, and there are a lot of tattoos of Kurt Vonnegut quotes, too. I find it kind of sweet that these people are willing to print a favorite passage of a favorite book on their skin. But this photo...

tramp_stamp_biblical_love1.jpg

...is way too totally fascinating to pass up.


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Mac and Me

posted by on July 15 at 2:34 PM

With all this talk about IndyMac and FreddieMac and, hell, even Bernie Mac, I suddenly have a craving for cheesy mac. I'm always looking for new macaroni and cheese recipes, because I've never found a great one. This recipe looks good, because it's simple:

4 cups cooked elbow macaroni, drained 2 cups grated Cheddar 3 eggs, beaten 1/2 cup sour cream 4 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Once you have the macaroni cooked and drained, place in a large bowl and while still hot and add the cheddar. In a separate bowl, combine the remaining ingredients and add to the macaroni mixture. Pour macaroni mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 to 45 minutes. Top with additional cheese if desired.

But I would kill—not literally, maybe, but I would certainly spiritually kill someone—for a knockout mac and cheese recipe. Yet it looks like the intranet is failing me yet again.

(Also, semi-related: Why do all these housing lenders have such dumb names? Freddie Mac sounds like a suicidal used car salesman from Tulsa, and Frannie Fannie Mae sounds like it should be a line of pastel cosmetics.)

Your Printer? Well, It's Watching You. And I Told You So.

posted by on July 15 at 10:18 AM

Precisely one year ago today I warned you that your printer was spying on you. I warned you! (Dammit! Why wouldn’t you listen? WHY?) I wrote a great big Slog about it.

See?

But you didn’t really pay attention, did you? You didn’t feel so inclined to believe me. There was scoffing. And eye-rolling. And a copious amount of “Oh, that crazazy Adrian!”-ing, I’ll just bet. (Admit it!) But if you haven’t learned it yet, get on the ball bitches: Adrian is always right about EVERYTHING. Everything! Every little thing ever. Always. Period. Thank you and good night.

I know. It’s my curse.

Look (from yesterday’s so-called “headlines”):

More manufacturers are outfitting greater numbers of laser printers with technology that leaves microscopic yellow dots on each printed page to identify the printer's serial number - and ultimately, you, says the San Francisco-based Electronic Frontier Foundation, one of the leading watchdogs of electronic privacy.

The technology has been around for years, but the declining price of laser printers and the increasing number of models with this feature is causing renewed concerns.

Yes, that was from yesterday: as in 364 days after I initially reported it. And you know what that means? Right. The world is moving a little faster than usual. I’m usually at least two years ahead.

And next time you’ll listen. WON’T YOU?

printer.png


Friday, July 11, 2008

Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

posted by on July 11 at 2:10 PM

Really, sir?

Update, thanks to reverend dr dj riz, an infinitely more considerate and less passive-aggressive person than I:

i met this guy at cal anderson park a few weeks ago while i was with a quadraplegic friend who uses a wheelchair that untilizes the same technology as this man's segway. i also thought this man a lazy fool until he explained that he has a condition that makes it difficult and painful for him to walk. he also has very brittle bones that break easily ( remember that otherwise stupid m. nught shaymalan movie unbreakable ?)which is why he wears a helmet and kneepads. he engages in conversation fairly easily and if you had asked he might have explained his condition to you. the man doesn't reserve your judgement or ridicule. so cut this shit out

My sincere apologies to the brittle-boned everywhere. Segways for the regular-boned remain undeniably silly.


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Jake One Pwns Nickels

posted by on July 9 at 12:26 PM

townhome.jpg
As Mayor Nickels speechified about ugly townhomes, Seattle hiphop's #1 hitmaker Jake One was in one of them- center top window to be exact. Can't see what he's holding up? It's one of these:
payton_jersey.jpg

(photo ganked from the P-I, duh)
(h/t to DJ Nphared for the tip)


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Art, Cats, Mice, and Sex in Space

posted by on July 8 at 4:55 PM

It's all here (and then here).

Whalemaker!

posted by on July 8 at 3:00 PM

Is Ivar's on Lake Union actually serving a cocktail that contains Lake Union water, as stated in a recent press release? The answer is no, the drink is dreadful anyway, and the happy-hour food, which all used to be $2.50 and worth it, has gone up in price and is not (see debate here).

However, the bar at Ivar's on Lake Union has a sparkly water view and a big lakeside deck, and it is called the Whalemaker Lounge. The Whalemaker Lounge does contain whalemakers: two preserved Orca phalli, which Ivar is said to have acquired from the Hells Angels of Alaska. Here is one (man shown for scale):

whalemaker.JPG

You can boat right up to the deck (some guy standing beneath a whalemaker: "I kayaked here! It's really scary and I suck at it").

The people at Ivar's also emailed about new daily $4 drink specials. Today: the mysterious Captain's Choice (straight rum, gulped between verses of a sea chantey?). Tomorrow: "The 'Tidy Bowl'...with its murky-yet-tasty mix of Absolut Citron, Absolut Raspberry, Lemonade and Blue Curacao and the piece de resistance: a floating Tootsie Roll garnish!" Like the Lake Union Water cocktail, this is best left in the realm of the imagination (and jettisoned quickly from there). However, beer and wine are $3.25 at happy hour, which includes the deck and begins in a half-hour.

Science Is Awesome!

posted by on July 8 at 11:00 AM

Octopuses given Rubik's Cubes for some reason or another.

Octopi.jpg

Shouldn't it be "octopi", though? And are they going to give them eight waterproof typewriters next? Frankly, I'd trust an octopus to write Hamlet before a monkey. A monkey might be able to pull off Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, but I think that octopi really understand tragedy in a way that monkeys don't.


Thursday, July 3, 2008

Clowns Sue Seattle Rep

posted by on July 3 at 4:23 PM

2005_10_catshow1.jpg


Yuri and Dmitri Kuklachev are a father-son team of Russian clowns and proprietors of a cat circus called Moscow Cats Theater. They began training cats in 1977, were one of the first Soviet-era performers to tour the United States, and are famous in 80 countries. They've won awards, been commemorated on stamps, and are beloved by children, grandmas, and cat fanciers everywhere.

Last year, Yuri and Dmitri toured the United States and performed at the Seattle Rep.

Except they didn't.

The Russian clowns who performed at the Rep last April were, apparently, impostors. (Copycats, if you will. And you will.) According to a lawsuit filed by the real Yuri and Dmitri Kuklachev, the impostors stole the real Russian clowns' names, clothes, and hairstyles and toured the country as the Moscow Cats Theater.

The Russian clowns are pissed. They've filed a suit in New York against the impostors, the impostors' U.S. promoter (Mark Gelfman), and every theater where the impostors performed, including the Seattle Rep.

"We don't know anything about this," the Rep's communications director, Ilana Balint, said this afternoon. "We haven't been served any papers."

"Well, they're gonna get served papers today or Monday," said the Russian clowns' lawyer, Gary Tsirelman. "We're just beginning a lengthy process."

The Russian clowns have filed the suit in Brooklyn and are suing for: "federal and common-law trademark infringement, false endorsement, unfair competition, false designation of origin, dilution of a famous trademark, and violations of anti-cybersquatting law, rights of publicity and privacy, fraud, conversion, prima facie tort and unjust enrichment."

(Tsirelman was referred to the Russian clowns by a colleague. "They needed a vulture in court," Tsirelman said, "someone very vicious who does not take no for an answer. They said, 'find us the biggest a-hole out there.' And that was me.")

Some history: The Russian clowns have been doing their cat-circus act since 1977. Sometime in the 80s, an assistant stole the Russian clowns' act, names, costumes, and hairstyle, and tried to tour the USSR. Soviet police eventually shut them down.

Fast forward to December 2006: The real Russian clowns finished a real tour of the U.S. and returned to Russia, expecting to come back for another U.S. tour in 2007.

From the complaint: "Within days of Yuri Kuklachev's departure, his [U.S.] promoter, M. Gelfman... secretly filed a registration with the United States Patent and Trademark Office to register the famous Kuklachev's 'Moscow Cats Theater' mark in his own name." He also bought www.moscowcatstheatre.com

Then Gelfman (allegedly) trotted out the impostors, changed their names and dyed their hair, and sent them on the road.

The Russian clowns are currently seeking $10 million in damages, but that might grow—Tsirelman says he's still getting calls from across the country (and the world) from people who saw the ersatz Kuklachevs. "I hear their show was pretty bad," Tsirelman. "A lot of disappointed grandkids."

So why are the Russian clowns suing individual theaters, like the Rep, when the theaters were duped like everybody else?

"Trademark law does not require defendants to have knowledge or intent to deceive," Tsirelman said.

In short: Ignorance is no excuse.

Gelfman and his defense lawyers have not returned requests for comment.

Stay tuned.

kuklachyov-cat-theatre-9.jpg

We're Somewhere Between 1 and 60!

posted by on July 3 at 12:57 PM

I just received the most awesomest press release ever:

(Branford, CT) The Woodland Park Zoological Gardens in Seattle is one of sixty to be honored as one of "America's Best Zoos 2008" by The Intrepid Traveler, a travel publisher located in Branford, CT.

Of course, the press release doesn't say what number the Woodland Park Zoo made on the list—maybe it's un-numbered? As someone in the office helpfully pointed out: "That's more than one zoo per state!" Some quick math confirms this observation, which means that we are not one of the ten states to experience the sheer giddiness of having two zoos worth mentioning on the 60-zoo-strong "America's Best Zoos 2008" list.

But the press release worked, since I went to the Intrepid Traveler website and found a book that will definitely go on my 60-book-strong "America's Best Book Titles 2008" list: Here Be Yaks.

hby.gif

They'll be receiving a press release announcing their achievement in the next few days.



Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Canadian Pride

posted by on July 1 at 10:59 AM

Fun Fact: Did you know that those wacky Canadians celebrate the 4th of July...on the 1st of July? It's true!

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Enjoy your barbecue, you crazy socialists to the north.


Friday, June 27, 2008

So, So Sorry

posted by on June 27 at 5:00 PM

Here's the apology:

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You'll have to go to The Presurfer for the hilarious and terrible mistake that forced these ladies to apologize.


Thursday, June 26, 2008

Why Hasn't This Been Done Before?

posted by on June 26 at 4:14 PM

Hey there!

Do you like Barbie? Do you like Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds? Have I got the doll for you:

MTL9663lg.jpg

Available in October. Pre-order now.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Davy Jones's Foot Locker

posted by on June 24 at 1:03 PM

Remember that sixth human foot that washed ashore in Canada last week?

It wasn't human.

From the Independent:

"Human" remains found at the mouth of the Campbell River on Vancouver Island actually consisted of an animal paw mixed with seaweed, stuffed into a sock and inserted into an old adidas trainer.

The only thing more fucked up than people finding human feet on the beach? Other people planting fake human feet on the beach.

To recapitulate: The other five feet are real. Four are from men, four are from right feet. Nobody knows where they're coming from. A serial killer? A people-smuggling attempt gone wrong? A box full of feet that's only now rusted through and opened?

Canadian officials, who are treating the investigation as a criminal inquiry, have so far discounted just one potential explanation: a 2005 plane crash in the Georgia Strait, from which four men are still missing. The families of the victims were told yesterday that DNA samples from their loved ones did not match any of the genuine human remains.

Curiouser and curiouser.


Sunday, June 22, 2008

George Carlin

posted by on June 22 at 11:13 PM

Dead at age 71 of heart failure.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits.


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Black Helicopters!

posted by on June 19 at 11:47 AM

In a post titled "Preparations For the DNC ? Military Excersie (sic) Drills in Denver," We Are Change Colorado, the Denver chapter of a nationwide 9/11 Truth group, has a video reporting on black helicopters that are flying over Denver.

It begins with an in-depth study of a 5-year-old child's drawings of helicopters ("Wow, that's frightening," one of the Truthers says), continues with some Truth guys acting like they're in the first half of some sort of paramilitary Blair Witch Project, uncovering the secrets of these helicopters, and goes on from there. Confusingly, a soldier throws a glow-stick wrapped in an American flag at the Truthers. They theorize about this glow-stick in their blog:

Now whether or not this glow stick meant we just got ‘fragged’ by a drill grenade, or if it was just a friendly gesture by our boys in the military is unknown, but coming with in feet of our position you can rest assured they are deadly accurate from that height.

The local news sources say that the black helicopters are part of an anti-terrorism test. Truthers theorize that...well...that they're going to do something nasty at the Democratic National Convention. Of course, when the black helicopters don't sweep in and abduct Barack Obama, the Truthers will find another reason for the helicopters. No doubt it's all tied in to...9/11 (cue melodramatic music now)!

Way to be credible, guys.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What's the Difference?

posted by on June 18 at 5:28 PM

At my barbecue last weekend we had some local Mongoose IPA to drink. But when I looked at the label, I was baffled:

MongooseIPA.gif

This is obviously a picture of a meerkat--I know all about it from watching Meerkat Manor. Copy editors are picky about these types of things. Granted, meerkats are adorable--but what the hey? THEN I found out that a meerkat is a type of mongoose. A learning moment, thanks to beer.

Now please enjoy this photo of meerkat babies:

meerkat_babiesx.jpg

Headline of the Day

posted by on June 18 at 2:50 PM

Sixth severed foot surfaces off Canadian coast

CNN has the best headline, but the Independent has the story:

In the latest grisly twist to a saga that has spawned dozens of conspiracy theories, two dog-walkers spotted the left foot, inside a shoe, floating in water off Westham island, near the mouth of the Fraser river, on Monday morning.

It was detached near the ankle, and had apparently been in the water for some time. Police are trying to determine whether it is linked to some near-identical discoveries which began when a size 12 right foot came ashore last August.

And my favorite detail:

The five feet are at the Centre for Forensic Research at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver. Local reports say that a forensic anthropologist at SFU, Mark Skinner, is boiling the flesh off them in an effort to extract DNA samples and study the bones to identify characteristics that could suggest the cause of death.

Boiling the flesh off of the feet (destroying the evidence?) to extract DNA samples from feet that've washed up on a rocky Canadian shore, found by two dog-walkers—are we suddenly in an Annie Proulx novel?

“I’m beginning to think it might be a boat or plane that went down, and then something shifted, through seismic activity or a boat, that is making it release all these body parts now,” Ms Anderson said. “The reason only feet have been found is because they are in running shoes and protected.”

Yes. Yes, we are.

Remember Nicholas Francisco?

posted by on June 18 at 9:41 AM

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The 28-year-old SeaTac man and father of two who disappeared without a trace on Feb. 13?

In the wake of his disappearance, Nicholas Francisco's (pregnant) wife Christine led an increasingly desperate search. Here's video of Christine on Nancy Grace, in which she weeps for her missing man, whom she describes as "so sweet."

This past Monday, Christine Francisco filed for divorce from her vanished husband. What's more, as the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports:

In requesting custody of her children, Christine Francisco's petition alleges "willful abandonment that continues for a period of time" and a "history of acts of domestic violence ... or an assault or sexual assault which causes grievous bodily harm or the fear of such harm."

Alrighty then.


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Men Who Wear Speedos

posted by on June 17 at 8:48 PM

Enjoy.

I'm Working on a Story

posted by on June 17 at 11:46 AM

And I happened across this video of a couple who, instead of a first dance, had a first light saber duel. I always hate it when married couples shove cake in each others' faces--the cake-eating is supposed to suggest that you'll feed each other for as long as you'll live--so the idea of having a space-sword battle be one of your first acts as a married couple just reeks, to me, of bad idea.


Friday, June 13, 2008

Hulk Smash Puny Slog, Part 7

posted by on June 13 at 3:33 PM

Hulk Fact!


The Ang Lee Hulk movie from five years back totally blew chunks
. If you need a reminder, here you go:




Hulk Smash Puny Blog, Part 6 or 31 Flavors of Hulk

posted by on June 13 at 1:32 PM

Hulk Fact!

The Hulk has come in a variety of different colors and flavors over the years:


Classic green:

hulk-smash.jpg

Captain Universe blue:

captainuniversecoverhulk.jpg

Spalding Gray:

GreyHulk.jpg

"Does this look Infected?" red:

Hulk01McGuinnessCover.jpg

and girl:

She_Hulk_s_Bum___Colors_by_scupbucket.jpg

Hulk Smash Puny Slog, Part 5

posted by on June 13 at 12:52 PM

Hulk Fact!

Did you know that the Incredible Hulk has his own hilarious blog? True story.

hulk.jpg

From Hulk's Diary That Is On the Internet:

OH MAN HULK'S ATM CARD WAS STUCK IN THE ATM.

Hulk kept hitting the buttons and saying "Please let Hulk have his ATM card back because Hulk wants to go buy a Playstation 3 and play that Ultimate Alliance game Hulk is in with everyone, even the Punisher" but the machine was all like BEEP BOOP NO NO NO.

And Hulk tried to be nice and called the people at his bank and Hulk said "Hulk has money because Hulk just got a deposit and Hulk would like to get it!" and the bank's answering machine said "Leave a message and we will get back to you as soon as possible" and Hulk was like "HULK JUST LEFT A MESSAGE WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR THAT?"

And that's why Hulk now owes Bank of America $43,000 for two ATMs in the Union Square area.

The end.

And:

Hello Hulk got this email and Hulk is wondering if he should help because Hulk needs some money and if Hulk had some money maybe Hulk wouldn't have to go look at the stupid jobs section of the New York Post and Daily Bugle. No, Hulk does not want to work construction, thank you for asking. Hulk does not like to say things to girls that walk by and Hulk can't whistle very well.

WITH DUE RESPACT DEAR FRIEND,MY TEL NUMBER 00226 78 02 43 42

IT IS MY WISH TO SOLICITE YOUR ASSISTANCE IN A BUSSINESSS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BE OF BENEFIT TO YOU AND I.

I CAME ACROSS SUM OF MONEY BELONGING TO A DECEASED CUSTOMER OF THE BANK, BANK OF AFRICA, ALHAJI DAHIRU J MUSA, A CITIZEN OFABIDJAN COTE'D'IVOIRE WHO DIED ON THE RECENT CRISES IN THAT COUNTRY. THE REBELS IN THE CITY OF BOAKERY BOMBED ALHAJI MUSA'RECIDENCE DURING ONE OF THEIR RAIDS.HE AND ALL THE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY WERE KILLED IN THAT BOMB INCIDENT.ALHAJI MUSA IS AN INTERNATIONAL BUSSINESS MAN AND A MAJOR SUPPLIER OF YAMAHA MACHINE PARTS IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE MONEY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IS IN THE BANK TREASURY BOX WAITING FOR THE NEXT OF KIN BECAUSE THE DECEASED DIED SINCE TWO YEARS AGO AND LIVING NO OTHER CONTACT AS IN NEXT OF KIN IN HIS BANK FILE AND THE BANK LAW STIPULATES THAT ANY MONEY THAT STAYS IN THE BANK CUSTODY FOR OVER TWO YEARS WITHOUT WITHDRAWAL OR PAYMENT WILL BE CONFICICATED INTO THE BANK PRIVATE USE.

HE HAS AN ACCOUNT WITH THIS BANK WHICH HE USES TO FINANCE HIS BUSSINESS IN THIS CONTRY.This is my bank website in burkina faso. www.bkofafrica.net)The said amount was USD$1m.(one million united states dollars).

SO RIGHT NOW THAT IS THE AREA I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ACT AS NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED MAN SO AS TO INHERITE THIS FUND FOR OUR OWN BENEFIT AND I AM HERE TO GUIDE U AND TO FUNISH YOU WITH ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION CONCERNING THE DECEASED MAN BANK ACCOUNT.

THANKS AND REMAIN BLESSEDI SUGGEST YOU GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE STATING YOUR WISH IN THIS DEAL.

FROM MR MUSA SOBIBRA. MY ALTERNATIVE (musa_sobibra@myway.com)

Do you think Hulk should take advantage of this offer? Hulk thinks Hulk could make money and not have to live off the "stipend" that The Avengers still pay Hulk because they are afraid Hulk will come over and raid the refrigerator and make Jarvis cook a turkey for Hulk again.

Hulk has never told you people how nice Jarvis is. Jarvis is very nice. He is the Avengers' butler but he is not like "Jeeves" because he does not have a website called AskJarvis or anything like that but Hulk thinks he is better because Hulk doesn't have to type on the computer to ask Jarvis things like "Why do rainbows make Hulk happy?" or "Can you please make some more Yorkshire pudding?"

Unfortunately, the man behind the Hulk's blog, Kevin Church, has stopped writing about ol' jade jaw's life, but there are still plenty of entries on the site worth reading. Go there now. Or Hulk will smash puny humans.