Happy Friday from you-know-who...

And now a word (or two) with Sarah! Supreme Chavette, our unofficial Sponsor of Fun With Chavs Week^TM... If you can translate whit she sayin', you can win THIS, THIS, THIS, and/or THESE*.

^{* not really. unless ya bee me a plane tick ta goe steal 'em, aye.}

Fun With Chavs Week^TM continues with Wee Man. Wee's a Ned, not a Chav, but he still counts, ya bawbags.

^{Want to sing along but can't? See also the karaoke version.}

whit? aye king chav gets owned in a 2 spec hit wid a glasgow boos? ouch!!!

I hereby declare it Fun With Chavs Week^TM at Lunchtime Quickie. Oi!

Pretend you give a sh*t!

Introducing Dimitri. Strange... I wonder why she didn't call him back?

A desperate McCain might be using images of Britney and Paris, but listen to the bitchin' MySpace metal band Ralph Nader is using in the video he just loaded on YouTube. Duuude.

"It could happen tomorrow, or not for a thousand years..."

>

An 11-year old boy bites a pit bull. That's right. And he loses a tooth doing it...

It's Friday already? I guess it's time for Lunchtime Quickie's Russia Week to come to an end. I collected so many videos. Boys drinking vodka, boys falling out of tractors, boys who love ketchup, boys reading X-rated poems, skateboarding boys who write really bad rap songs...

So many boys. I almost forgot about the ladies. Russian women are glamorous. And they almost always wear heels. How did I almost forget the ladies?

What would Russia Week be without some homophobic Russian police, drunk off their asses in uniform, dancing like a couple of homos?

Russia Week, because Russians know how to DANCE...

I'm officially declaring it Russia Week here at Lunchtime Quickie ^TM. Because you know, um, a wooden bed is always better than a golden coffin.

Adolf Hitler sings the them from "The Jeffersons." Not to viewed with a mouthful of food or liquid or cock.

Andrew Sullivan showed this to me and then called dibs on blogging it—but he's off for a week, and isn't blogging. And the web can't wait. So we took it up with a bloggers ethics panel, which decreed that I could blog it now, so long as I credited Andrew's source: VJ Yaz.

Enjoy.

My eternal fascination with Russia continues with The Tunnel of Death, aka The Lefortovo Tunnel, and/or the Mad Max Expressway:

The 2.2 km (1.4 miles) long Lefortovo Tunnel in Russia is the fifth longest 'in-city' tunnel in all of Europe. There is a river running over it and water leaks at some points. When the temperature reaches minus 38 degrees, like it did last winter, the road freezes and the result is this video taken during a single day with the tunnel camera.

Someone just sent me this video of Lauren Hutton wearing her drunky pants at the Bravo's A-List awards. I know it's about a month old, but if you haven't seen it yet, it's worthy. I think "Guacamole Smasher" might be the name of my next band...

Norman Johnson and The PT Loser... I mean, PT Cruiser:

Audio from pranksters Earles and Jensen!

Man, two years in a row? Will the rest of the world EVER respect the United States again?

To all those people who bought up all the tickets to the SP20 Comedy Show tonight - damn you! It's sold out. Here's Patton Oswalt. Oh Patton Oswalt.

White people CAN dance!

Sing it Sondra!

Would you feel more patriotic tomorrow, if he apologized today?

Because it's Wednesday...

Is César Polvilho the new Pretty Ricky? Are refrigerators sexier than ottomans? Can one of you boys tell me what's going on here?

They’re tryin' to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no...

The boys just stopped by to give me the video they made while building their Gay Pride Parade Float. I think they missed the deadline to officially enter the float in Sunday's parade, which is just a darn shame.

In honor of big gay Pride Week, here's Big Gay Lunchtime Quickie #1! You may remember Seattle's gender-bending-queer-lady-boylesque-performance-art-solo-stripping-sensation Waxie Moon from THIS video. Here's his newest, Waxie's Choral Line.

You can see Waxie perform tonight at The Triple Door with the one-and-only Dina Martina, El Vez, Queen Shmooquan, and more!

...or, in Addition to Never Having Enough Hot Brazilian Guys Dancing in Their Speedos on Your Blog, You Should Probably Have Some Hot Brazilian Girls on Your Blog too...

Think you can out-riff the Big C Diddy? The US Air Guitar Championships! TONIGHT!

Look what happened to these sweet old Russian Grandmas after just one day of reading SLOG comments. Tsk!

Italy 1, Hot Headed French National Soccer Team Bus Driver, 0

A couple weeks ago I went down to Portland for The 7th Annual Masturbate-a-Thon. The event promised dancing girls, comedians, jugglers, trannies, porn stars, a tarot card reader, fellatio demos, The Thrill Hammer, and last, but certainly not least, a play-space called "The Rubitorium."

I took two very brave friends with me. Upon our third or fourth pre-Masturbate-a-Thon shot of courage, one of them remarked, "I can't believe we're going to this. One of us is going to go blind." One of us did indeed go blind. About two hours into the event, the video camera just inexplicably stopped working. It was also about the same time one of my friends had to pull me out of a potentially terrifying scenario with Mae West, using the event's official safety chant, "No Means No! No Means No!".

Anyway. I went there to make a How Was It? video. And I did. The sound might be NSFW, but everything else has been sanitized for your pleasure. You didn't want to see the actual Rubitorium anyway. Like a strange dream, I've already almost forgotten what it looked like. It's probably better that way. I do remember thinking, during our post-Thon decompression shot at Mary's Club, that whatever it was that we just saw, I was glad it existed. There's a reason we saw that "Keep Portland Weird!" billboard on the way there. Something so wild and free could never happen in a club in Seattle. Not a million years.

R.I.P. Tony Schwartz, creator of maybe the scariest political ad ever made...

Happy Friday, June 13th!

You can take the reporter out of the city, but you can't always take the city out of the reporter...

"Blacks, Pakis, Gooks, and Nips... Gooks and Nips!"

Amy Winehouse is such a never-ending disaster, it almost seems fake.