The coming season of Project Runway features another contestant from Seattle—here's hoping he does better than Jack. WestSeattleBlog has the news, the pictures, and the lattes.

Via Wonkette, we have a clip of Michelle Obama on The View. This is the longest sustained viewing of The View that I've ever endured.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

When did Talking About Pantyhose With Barbara Walters become one of the biggest shows on morning t.v.? I used to feel bad for politicians for having to endure the gauntlet of stupid television news shows. Now I feel worse for their wives for having to put up with this shit.

That circumcision bit, Stephen? Brilliant.

Apparently, the Human Tetris game show is coming to America:

This is probably the most excited I've been for a TV show since those bastards took Sledge Hammer! off the air.

Salon on HBO's Recount...

"Recount," director Jay Roach and screenwriter Danny Strong's first-rate docudrama about the disputed 2000 presidential election, is almost too painful to watch.

I won't watch it—I can't watch the freakin' commercials; whenever they come on I lunge for the remote and change the channel. Laura Dern's creepy incarnation of Katherine Harris is spooky enough to keep me away from the teevee. Knowing how this tragedy ends, knowing that the Bush team would ultimately steal the election (with an assist from Joe Lieberman!), knowing that Bush would run the country off the rails, I couldn't possibly curl up in front of the teevee and watch this flick. If I'm going to watch anything about Bush stealing the 2000 election, I'll watch that egg hit Bush's limo during his inaugural "parade." I'll watch that over and over and over again...

But Recount? No thanks. I'd rather watch Real World.

Wait—the Real World is still on the teevee? And people watch this shit for... pleasure? And does a person have to be mentally ill to get cast on this show now or what?

The terribilosity of this cannot be expressed with the verbiography that I possess.

It continues to amaze that substantive interviews with former members of the Bush Administration about the war in Iraq aren't found on CNN (too busy with Clinton vs. Obama, or else the news that Barbara Walters apparently at some point in time slept with someone) or MSNBC (same) or Fox News (same), but on that fake news show. You already know this. But it's amazing, right?

Last night, a focused, substantive, unyielding interview with Doug Feith, Under Secretary of Defense for Policy from 2001 until 2005.

...but when I was a youngster, America gave mimes a prime-time variety show.

Citizens of a certain age certainly remember Shields & Yarnell, the married mimes who enchanted the nation for a number of months in the mid-late '70s. As Wikipedia attests, "Their specialty was taking on the personae of robots, with many individual, deliberate motions (as opposed to normal smooth motion) stereotypical of robots, enhanced by their ability to refrain from blinking their eyes for long stretches of time."

This is true. If Shields and Yarnell weren't being robots, they were being old-timey toys, or marionettes—basically, whatever allowed them to devote long stretches of time to marching around with expressive elbows and spooky looks on their faces.

For a nation battered into cynicism by Vietnam and Watergate, then tenderized by the smooth matrimonial soul of Captain & Tennille, Shields & Yarnell were an irresistible mystery. They were also, for the young and impressionable, vaguely terrifying.

P.S. Shields and Yarnell divorced in 1986, but continue to reunite periodically to perform as a duo.

First Tyra, now Dr. Phil.

A fight over the Dr. Phil Show resulted in a Barrie woman's arrest Monday after police say she attacked her hubby with a table and a kitchen knife....

When officers arrived, they spoke with the victim who advised that his common-law wife of 10 years had been drinking while watching the Dr. Phil Show. As a result of watching the show, they became involved in a verbal argument. Police say the man, wanting to avoid a confrontation, left the room. When he returned, police say he was hit with a table and various other household items. She then went to the kitchen, got a knife, then attempted to stab the victim, who was able to defend himself and take the knife from her. The man was cut on his arm in the process.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (or Law & Order: This Baby's Been Raped!, as it's known in my house) continues its reign as the most sadistic show in television history.

Speaking of SVU: I recently watched the E! True Hollywood Story of Mariska Hargitay, and learned that the dark, twisted, sexual-assault obsessed storylines of the show took their toll on her emotions, so she took a vacation to Hawaii and went swimming with dolphins, and while she was swimming with dolphins she had an epiphany, and now she has a charity devoted to taking victims of sexual assault swimming with dolphins.

It's almost like they thought they were on the show...

A woman who suffered life-threatening stab wounds to her chest and neck Wednesday allegedly was attacked by another woman who had been upset that she was too loud while watching "America's Next Top Model." .... The alleged attacker, an acquaintance of the victim, told the other woman to stop talking loudly. A police spokesman did not specify how they knew each other.

When the "Top Model" fan refused, police say the other woman then opened the apartment door and told her to get out, according to a police report. Police said the argument then turned physical, with one woman having a clump of her hair pulled out.

The attacker then pulled a paring knife from a nearby apple and began stabbing the 42-year-old, according to a police report.

Someone posted on Slog a coupl'a weeks ago about being a closet Lost fan, but I don't see any reason to mask it, though that's only because I made the mistake of getting my hopes up for the show's return this evening. My thoughts on tonight's episode are below in invisible text. Highlight it to read it. This is done to protect the four of you who TiVo'ed it or whatever--yer welcome.

The opening bullshit exchange between Jack and Kate didn't seem like a crowning achievement for the WGA's winter stalemate. Her response to a stomachache: "You should eat some crackers" ?? "I thought your gut was sick" ?? Boy. And the episode-ending showdown between Bad Guy A and Bad Guy B was some Young & Restless shit if I've ever seen it.

I figure the only reason I even posted about this is because the show is pretty much the only plot-driven thing I've kept up with on network television in a long time (thank goodness HBO's stellar John Adams has filled the gap for worthwhile television in the meantime, by the way). And having bitched and moaned, of course I'll still watch Lost next week like a sucker--because Lord knows there's nothing to ignite the TV possibilities like Jack's appendi-fuckin-citis.

Or maybe he's just pregnant with Claire's second baby?

More here.

ERICA C. BARNETT: Alanis Morissette got her start on that show.

JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE: I know that. Everyone who's ever had a TV knows that.

I know this speculation isn't technically a spoiler, since I don't really know. Still, I'm putting my incredibly nerdy speculation below the fold, lest I enrage some BSG fans out there.

Continue reading "I Think I Know the 12th Cylon" »

No one I know watches Lost anymore—or will admit to watching it, at any rate. But this is funny regardless...

Here is a simple list of last night's episode's major plot points:

• A bee-yootiful woman is found in an elevator shaft in a ballgown. She has been strangled with her own pantyhose and her breasts have been cut off. She has not been raped. ("Why would he kill her and not rape her?" is the big question so far.)

• Said woman is covered in schist! Schist! This somehow leads to a tape of her climbing a wall in the ballgown with a bunch of other people dressed as dandies. The leader--maybe he killed her! He's got a moustache!

• Nope, he left her at the bar, where she was roofied.

• The bartender saw her leave with a very generic looking man. A man! He's the criminal!

• They get hundreds of tips telling them it's the local newsanchor. ("He's got an alibi. He was on Teevee!" the detectives mutter, unhappily.)

• They connect the pattern of her murder with a Hannibal Lecter-like serial killer. He's got an alibi, unfortch! He's in jail! He leers at them when they talk to him.

• They catch the generic-looking man! He's not guilty but he's obsessed with the serial killer. What a coincidence.

• Hey, remember the (bee-yootiful) bartender? She got kidnapped. Dang! But, in an artistic vision, the kidnapper made her blood into the shape of the Venus deMilo! They showed us a side-by-side comparison on a high-tech screen.

• Race to find her. The serial killer's pattern says that she's got only twelve more hours to live!

• Someone pizza box-bombs the office, giving the sergeant the opportunity to say, "Benson, you're off the case."

• The serial killer has a comic book series! And there are four more murders in the comic series, and the ballgown woman (remember her?) looks just like the woman on the cover. And the Venus deMilo blood! That's in there, too.

• Whew, found the bartender just in time, although she was strapped near-naked to a mattress, surrounded by rats. And she's cut all up on her chest. But her titties are intact (thank god!).

• Oh wait! The bartender! She's also an intern at a law firm and she's been visiting the serial killer! She's part of the cult of people obsessed with him.

• Oh wait! Benson (she's off the case, you know), was going home and the guy who bombed the office is waiting for her there with a knife! Good thing she can kick his ass (in a sexy, sexy fight).

• Oh wait! The bartender's dad was the serial killer's best friend, and she visits him so she can sleep with him. And kill for him.

• Case closed! Good job, everyone.

I'm pretty sure that's everything that has ever happened, on any police procedural television show, ever.

You probably already knew about this:

At midnight on February 17, 2009, all full-power television stations in the United States will stop broadcasting in analog and switch to 100% digital broadcasting.

This of course means that the old-fashioned television sets aren't going to work anymore for picking up non-cable broadcast TV. But did you know that, as of January, the government has been doling out up to 80 dollars for anyone who asks, so that they can buy TV Converter Boxes for their analog TV sets? It's true!

Congress created the TV Converter Box Coupon Program for households wishing to keep using their analog TV sets after February 17, 2009. The Program allows U.S. households to obtain up to two coupons, each worth $40, that can be applied toward the cost of eligible converter boxes.

I don't have any television reception anyway, but I figured that if the government was handing out coupons for free, I was going to get in on that action. I applied for my coupons here, and I just got them in them mail on Saturday. I guess I'm going to go get one of the damned converter boxes, now that I have the coupons, but I'm not excited about that. I was incredibly excited about getting coupons from the government in the mail; I recommend it highly.

Young mother morally offended by... fun straws.

Young mother looks at "fun straws" and sees cock. Young mother "can't see any other thing," she says. I know the feeling. Young mother convinced that this is a plot—on the part of WalMart—to make oral sex seem like just another lifestyle choice. The product, like the thing it resembles, has been pulled. But young mother concerned that other children may be exposed to WalMart fun straws.

A follow-up question for the young mother from viewers with moral objections to premarital sex, out-of-wedlock births, and single motherhood: Where's that little girl's young father?

It blows. Totally blows. Gave it a second chance. Shouldn't have. Lewis Black deserves better. I deserve better.

And what's with the awful canned laugh track?

Last week, I annoyed some people by not marking a video as "graphic or not for the squeamish or something." I am not sorry for posting that video.

That said, I feel compelled to warn you that the following commercial is really fucking creepy, and not for the squeamish:

I just had to share, in part because I'm still really creeped out. Via ...

Oh my God, you guys, there's this show on HBO called The Wire, and it's totally fucking awesome. Why don't more people know about this?!?

Just kidding, clearly I'm an idiot for waiting this long to expose myself to David Simon's immaculate conception of a cop show, but better late than never, plus now I get to watch the entire series as fast as I want to on DVD.

Right now I'm up to episode six of season one, and I'm obsessed. Netflix can't come fast enough.

In addition to being incredibly intricate and humane and fascinating, the show features not one but two men upon whom I'm very happy to rest my eyes. One is Dominic West, pictured above. The other is the big lug who plays the perpetually baseball-capped Herc. Hubba hubba.

I know I'm not the only one who loves A&E's is-it-art-or-is-it-entertainment documentary series tracking addicts through the depths of their addiction-fueled degradation before dousing them with the cold shower promised by the title; a not-insignificant friendship of mine is predicated almost entirely on text messages sent during Intervention broadcasts, typically involving direct quotes ("No more vodka for Brad!") or simple observations (a quick "OMG" as that pretty-girl morphine addict does a slow-motion face plant into a plate of Taco Bell.)

Still, it's definitely a guilty pleasure, partly because I typically watch the show under the influence of marijuana (is this hypocritical or just postmodern?), and partly because the freakier the behavior of the addicts, the better the episode of Intervention. Even referring to the show as a pleasure, guilty or otherwise, seems wrong--but would I really devote an hour every week to something I didn't enjoy?

These are the questions brought up by every episode of Intervention, which, as I mentioned, follows addicts--one or two each week--as these addicts do the most fucked-up shit you've ever seen, then face an intervention from their loved ones and, hopefully, accept the show's offer of inpatient treatment.

Before you judge me as a roadside-wreck gawker too lazy to get off the couch for his requisite gore fix, let me tell you why Intervention isn't necessarily a signpost of the apocalypse.

1. In addition to the classic drunks and meth heads and junkies, Intervention's addicts include such wild cards as gambleholics and anorexic/bulimics. This breadth of subject matter allows the show to capture an unusually rich and varied collection of real-life human behavior, most of it fueled by hideous desperation, and the majority of it shockingly fascinating. (I wasn't kidding about the most fucked-up shit you've ever seen--Hollywood stars earn Oscars for acting like Intervention subjects.) Still, it's all drawn from real-life, and thus messier and uglier and more mundane than anything from Hollywood, and it's as documentary footage that the show finds its greatest value. Watching Intervention's subjects chug mouthwash and have meth-based math freakouts ("I have to find the formula for evil!") and store vomit in plastic bags in their closets has truly expanded my understanding of the human condition. (It's also made clear the hideously direct line that frequently exists between rape/sexual abuse and hardcore addiction/eating disorders.)

2. Featured interventionist Candy Finnegan is obviously the greatest person on earth.

Intervention airs at 9pm tonight on A&E.

I state with metaphysical certitude that Friday nights are not the same without John McLaughlin. Once, Seattle's proletariat could ring in the weekend with a cocktail or two and a half-hour of civil unrest with John, Eleanor, Pat and the others. But no longer. Seattle's KCTS now broadcasts The McLaughlin Group only on Sundays at 11:00 am. The poetic shouting is not the same, stone-cold sober on a Sunday morning. Fortunately Andrew WK has captured the energy, wit and wisdom of The Group in this powerful little ditty, written exclusively for PRI's Fair Game.

Bye bye!

The first ten minutes of Root of All Evil were so... not funny... that I turned off the teevee. Maybe I bailed too soon. Thank God then for Bill Donohue's Catholic League, which transcribed the best bits of last night's premiere and stuffed 'em in my inbox this morning.

Last night, Comedy Central aired the first show in a new series, “Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil.” Black played a judge ruling on who was more evil—the Catholic Church or Oprah Winfrey. Click here for a partial transcript.

Catholic League president Bill Donohue raised questions about it today.

“The worst part of the show was the assault on Our Blessed Mother and Pope Benedict XVI," [said Donohue]. "This is a direct quote: ‘The Catholic Church is also evil because it has such a grip over the mindless masses that they’ll wait in line, thousands of them in the rain for hours, just to get a glimpse of a pork rind in the shape of the Virgin Mary… God impregnated Mary. We have a whole religion based on one woman who really stuck to her story.’ The pope was called ‘a hypocrite in his Prada loafers and his ball gown. How can he condemn homosexuality when he dresses like he is on his way to nickel cosmo night at the Veiny Shaft Tavern?’"

Hey, that's good stuff--and there's more good stuff here, courtesy of the Catholic League--so maybe I'll give the show a second chance. As for the alleged anti-Catholic hate on display, I called my mom--a practicing Catholic--and ran some of the jokes by her.

"I love it, I love it," said mom. "There's nothing offensive there. And it's true that there's a mindless component of the Catholic Church. I don't like to be lumped in there, but some really do have a 'follower' mentality." As for Bill Donohue, "Thinking people don't give him much credence. He needs to get a life."

Mom hath spoken.

According to the Associated Press and published in the Seattle Times:

DRIGGS, Idaho -- Perhaps they should have called her Mary Jane.

A surprise birthday party for Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," ended with a nearly three-hour tour of the Teton County sheriff's office and jail when the 69-year-old was caught with marijuana in her vehicle while driving home...

(Thanks, Will.)

Thank God.

Insiders tell TVNewser Tucker Carlson's 6pmET show Tucker is getting the axe, but Carlson stays on as a political contributor to all MSNBC shows at least through the 2008 election. The official announcement, expected tomorrow, will include details about who will replace Tucker at 6pmET as well as other political programming additions. Sources say the network is going to beef up its schedule with more NBC News talent.

Watching Tucker Carlson on teevee--not something I did willingly or often--was always a painful experience. I remember one episode in particular: He was talking about hate crimes legislation, waving his arms around, and screaming "Why should it be more illegal to beat up me, a straight man, than to beat you up, a gay man?" at some hapless spokesmodel for the gay civil rights movement. The guy from the gay group stuck to his talking points, didn't answer Tucker's question, and so Tucker--doing his best Bill O'Reilly--kept repeating the question, upping the volume and mock outrage with each repetition.

The answer, of course, is that hate crimes statutes apply whether the victim is gay or straight; if a person is targeted for violence because of his real or perceived sexual orientation--whether he's gay or straight--the added penalties of hate crimes laws kick in. (Why added penalties for hate crimes? Because when someone is targeted for violence to send a message to a large group of people--get out, you're unsafe, be afraid, etc.--he or she is not the only victim.) So if a band of big, bad gay people go out straight bashing one night and beat the fuck out of Tucker Carlson, Tucker's bashers would face added penalties for targeting Carlson because of his sexual orientation. Tucker, who isn't an idiot (despite having played one teevee for many years), had to know this--anyone that takes a moment to actually read a hate crimes statute or an article about hate crimes statutes knows this. But Tucker was too busy playing the outraged conservative teevee shouter to let facts get his way.

Oh, and this is a good time to enjoy this clip again: John Stewart takes Tucker Carlson apart on Crossfire in 2004...

Charles Mudede was invited to appear on KOMO TV's Northwest Afternoon to talk about his recent article The Education of Amanda Knox. Here's the latest on the international murder case. Amanda, Raffaele, Rudy... I for one, am more confused than ever.

The Chicago Tribune has an interview with Tim Gunn... in which he dishes serious dirt on Victorya--who was apparently a fierce cuntola during production.

“She was sourpuss, a crabby apple as I keep saying, throughout almost all the show, other than Days 1, 2 and 3.... On one occasion--they edited this out, I knew they would--we were at Mood [Fabrics], and I’m handing out money. They each have $250 dollars. She collects the envelopes from all the designers and hands them back to me. She said, ‘I want you to count it.’ I just stared at her. ‘You want me to do what?’

“She wanted me to count the money in each envelope. I looked to the producer on site with us, and I said, ‘I’m not doing this, am I?’ and he said, ‘The rules say that if a designer asks for the money to be counted, we have to count it.’ I said, ‘Fine,’ and asked why she wanted it counted. And she had pulled out this sheaf of papers – she had the rules with her – and she said, ‘I don’t believe that we all have the same amount of money.’ Why would we do that? If someone didn’t have the right amount, wouldn’t they come to me? So I counted the money.

“But that’s what it was like dealing with her."

Uh... what the hell happened to PR's producers? Why on earth would they edit that confrontation out?

Here we go... one more hour of competition and then you all can have your Wednesday nights back. Dan Savage, Megan Seling, Eric Grandy, and I are tag-teaming the commentary from an undisclosed location (use whatever image your imagination likes best). Please chime in with comments; I'll add the best of them to the conversation. Thanks for watching.

Tonight we'll watch the remaining designers shine in their own spotlights on the runway at Bryant Park.
God knows they deserve to show real work after laboring through a dozen absurd challenges this season (clothes from candy wrappers, dressing female wrestlers and prom-bound brats, reworking Spandex and denim...).

Last week Rami's sophisticated constructions (nary a drape in sight) beat out Chris March's human-hair-embellished (gorgeous) dresses. Rami joins Jillian and Christian in the final walkoff tonight.

Don't be fooled by the pomp though—Bryant Park isn't a total return to respectableness: Victoria Beckham shows up as a guest judge. Posh will adore fan-favorite Christian to death, I'm sure. (Anyone else relieved for this season to end?)

If you need to catch up, Bravo is running a Season 4 marathon all day today. Then come back at 10 pm when Eric Grandy, Dan Savage, Megan Seling, and I will host one last PR live blog. See you on your couch.

In case anyone is traumatized by Jonah's puppy-tossing post, I give you the antidote:

In the wake of mainstream speculation about her sexual orientation, Juno darling Ellen Page toyed with the hype in a strange and brilliant sketch this weekend on Saturday Night Live.

(Thank you, Defamer.)

Via Sullivan.

I know it's getting hard to care enough to watch Project Yawnway... but we only have two episodes left; don't bail on me now, TV friends.

Tonight's agenda: "In Part 1 of the two-part Season 4 finale, the finalists gear up to showcase their lines at Fashion Week at Bryant Park in New York City." Perhaps we'll know who of the final four get to show?

Megan Seling will host the LiveSlog tonight starting at 10 pm. See you back here then.

The story of a carton of eggs:

The life-story of a chair:

And best and most strangest of all, the brief life of a loaf of bread:

We're down to Rami, Chris, Christian, and Jillian, and, in TV-land anyway, they're hard at work on their Bryant Park collections. If you need to catch up, here's TV Guide's look at the final four.

Tonight's episode is the (season-stretching) reunion show, where all the Season 4 contestants gather to reflect, kvetch, and try to polish their reputations. We're not liveblogging the occasion, but you can look forward to next Wednesday when we'll convene a Stranger fashion board and Slog the hell out of the finale.