They should.

For more wonderfully permanent misspellings, see The L Magazine's comprehensive gallery of tattoo typos.

(And thanks for the heads-up, MetaFilter.)

But the rain of suicides probably won't happen. I mean, does any self-respecting financial predator keep their money in the U.S.? I suppose that depends on whether you think Ken Lay is alive or dead.

The stimulus doesn't seem to have stimulated much yet, but stick around for the Pig Latin!

This short news piece has everything—pit bulls, mauled infants, brawling ladies of size, bad parenting, coin slots, and lots of really bad hair. Enjoy.

Thanks to Slog tipper Jennifer.

ABC News introduces the world to Daniel Allen Everett, the 33-year-old Michigan man charged with child sexual abuse and using the Internet to attempt child sexual abuse after allegedly arranging a sex date with what he thought was a 14-year-old girl.

Even worse (or better, depending on how you view things), Everett showed up for the alleged sex date sporting his "World's Greatest Dad" t-shirt, as seen in the mug shot above.

(Fifty bucks says he's saving his "That's not a bald spot—it's a solar panel for a sex machine!" t-shirt for the trial.)

Helen Mirren is 63, and looks 500 times better in a bikini than Paris Hilton, not to mention the rest of humanity.

Thank you, Daily Mail, and you're welcome, Charles.

Hezbollah guerrillas from Lebanon handed over to Israel coffins containing the bodies of two Israeli soldiers. In return, Israel released five Lebanese prisoners, including a notorious militant, Samir Kuntar.

Bids start at $89,000 per toilet.

Please plan accordingly.

Photo by FireEye'dBoy via flickr.

Thanks to Slog tipper Fnarf.

And I will invite you to my graduation, when I will fall, screaming and on fire, from a 40-foot tower. Because I know it will give you joy.

Grand Archives were playing the Triple Door. I was going because that sort of thing is kind of my beat here (and because, hey, Grand Archives). Brad was going because he knows all those dudes form back in Jesuit school or whatever. So we combined forces to seek out somewhere to drink downtown before the show. After being rebuffed at a few overcrowded yuppie bars, we ended up down at the Alibi Room, drinking bourbon at the bar. We talked about the ladies. We talked about life. We were about go watch Grand Archives. You know, real guy stuff. And it was sweet. I get the feeling that, if I had come around a little earlier, or if Brad was sticking around a little longer, he might've imparted a lot of dudely wisdom upon me. Or at least more bourbon.

Now it's gonna be all ladies and fags around here. Thanks, Brad.

I saw Pixar's WALL•E last week and everyone's right: it's wonderful. It's also the rare "family film" that drips with contempt for its audience. In Wall•E's world (small spoiler alert) the earth is an uninhabitable wasteland, leaving mankind—every single member of which is morbidly obese and strapped to a full-body iPod—to float around outer space in a huge, stupor-inducing spaceship.

It's a ballsy choice—for comparison, see Blade Runner, which presented a dystopia that quietly stroked audience's egos. (The future may be ruled by some vague Asian conglomerate, but at least we'll get to fuck Daryl Hannah-shaped robots!) But in Wall•E, the earth is a big dead trash dump, and humanity is so fat it can barely move of its own volition.

For what it's worth, the fatties in Wall•E are adorable (like babies) and hilarious (like platypuses). But people of size aren't laughing.

Here's New York mag's link-heavy overview of the brouhaha.

And here's a heartfelt letter written to Pixar from disappointed fan:

Do you know what it feels like seeing a shipfull of fat people who exist to show how dissolute and horrible and wasteful people can be? I’ve had fat jokes directed at me. I’ve had people laugh at my pictures. Since childhood, I’ve even had family members poke fun at my body, where I’m supposed to “take a joke”.

Pixar, this is one joke I don’t want to take. It is horrible when you see the only bodies shaped like you as things to laugh at, as living examples of as a culture, how shoddily we treat the earth. There’s no complexity, no understanding, just an easy punchline. Why is it instantly funny to see people fall and struggle and be hurt?

Worst yet, I sat there watching trying to be hopeful because at least the fat couple touched hands and smiled at each other. Unlike Wall-e and Eve, they never got to dance.

Read the whole eloquent letter here. (And go see Wall•E! At the Cinerama, if you can...)

Reward offered for information on dog drowning in Cedar River. King County Animal Care and Control investigating.

King County Animal Care and Control is seeking information for its investigation into the intentional drowning death of a dog in the Cedar River on July 4. The agency responded to a citizen report of a lifeless body of a Pit Bull in the river near the Landsburg Bridge in the 25200 block of Landsburg Rd SE in Ravensdale, WA.

Animal Control Officers arriving at the scene within the hour of the call found the dog anchored down in the deep, fast moving water. The Animal Control Sergeant on duty asked the Sheriff’s Department to send their dive team to recover the body, but they reported they would not be able to respond until later in the evening due to the high number of priority service calls related to the Fourth of July holiday.

Instead, later that afternoon, a fisherman pulled the dog’s body from the river and turned it over to King County Animal Care and Control (KCACC). Investigating officers discovered it was a black and white female Pit Bull with a homemade anchor tied around its neck with a rope.

The Kent shelter veterinarian on duty performed a necropsy on July 5th which found that the animal may have been alive before being submersed in the river. The dog did not have any signs of penetrating or exit wounds or any injuries typically associated with dog fighting.

“This is a horrific and tragic case,” said King County Animal Care and Control Communications Specialist Nancy McKenney. “We need more information from the community to help find those responsible for this needless death.”

Anyone with information is asked to contact King County Animal Care and Control at 206-296-3958. In addition, The Humane Society of the United States has issued a $2,500 reward for anyone who provides information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible. Intentionally killing an animal is a Class C Felony under the State of Washington.

From North Carolina's News & Observer:

L.F. Eason III gave up the only job he'd ever had rather than lower a flag to honor former U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms. Eason, a 29-year veteran of the state Department of Agriculture, instructed his staff at a small Raleigh lab not to fly the U.S. or North Carolina flags at half-staff Monday, as called for in a directive to all state agencies by Gov. Mike Easley. When a superior ordered the lab to follow the directive, Eason decided to retire rather than pay tribute to Helms.

Put that man's face on stamps and money, pronto.

(Thank you for the heads-up, Gawker.)