Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

Celeb Category Archive

Friday, June 13, 2008

I Win

posted by on June 13 at 4:07 PM

When I sent my last post to Amy Kate, I felt better than I had since this whole Slog debacle began. I'd said my piece and was ready to wash my hands of the whole issue. While I don't think of myself as a quitter, it has always been my policy, when I find myself in a shitty situation, to get the fuck out. So that's what I did, and I couldn't have been happier. Maybe I am thin-skinned, but trading insults with strangers has never been my idea of a good time. I am fully aware that for a lot of commenters this is a game. That's fine. It's just not a game I'm interested in playing. Especially since I wasn't getting paid for it.

Until, that is, I got an e-mail from Amy Kate, telling me that none other than Tim Keck was disappointed that I was quitting, and that he would like to up the ante. One dollar for every comment on 'Fuck This, I'm Out' posted before 4 pm... if I was willing to write about how I spent the money. I agreed, and since then have been hitting refresh on the thread, watching the money roll in. I saw a lot of assholes being assholes, and nice people being nice. But what I was really glad to see was people discussing the state of the comments on Slog, which I hoped would happen.

But I digress from the point of this post, which is this:


I win, bitches!

I'll be back next week with how I spent the money. Enjoy your weekend!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Beaten Into Celebrity

posted by on June 10 at 1:01 PM

The cast for the reality show Celebrity Rehab:

* Rodney King (Police brutality victim)
* Jeff Conoway (Apparently, season one didn't work.)
* Sean Stewart (Rod Stewart's son)
* Amber Smith (model/actress)
* Nikki McKibbon (American Idol)
* Steven Adler (Guns n Roses)
* Tawny Kitaen (Actress)

This has to be one of the few times that the words "police brutality victim" cause genuine laughter.

Madonna Divorcing?

posted by on June 10 at 10:28 AM

Is this the first report? Or am I just the last to know? Via Towleroad.

Friday, June 6, 2008

What Do You Do If You're the Last of the Hitlers?

posted by on June 6 at 11:42 AM

Apparently, you never marry and vow to let your family die with you.

In honor of D-Day, Metafilter dredges up a 2002 book, by David Gardner, about Hitler's American descendants.

Here's a link to Hitler's family tree, where you'll find four grandnephews of Herr Hitler, all born in America: Brian, Howard, Louis, and, um, Alex Adolf.


From a 2002 article by Gardener in the Telegraph:

The faint lilt of German folk music [Christ, Gardener—laying it on a bit thick, aren't you?] floated through the open window of the dark-wood alpine bungalow as I walked down the short path to the front door. The property straddled two small roads on a forested private estate nestling into one of the bays tucked behind slivers of land protecting the New York coastline from the full impact of the Atlantic Ocean.

This was the place where Liverpool-born William Patrick Hitler had chosen to escape from the world.

I was to discover that the Hitler bloodline was carried on through William Patrick's four sons - one of whom died in a road accident in 1989 - and that the brothers had decided in a remarkable pact not to have children themselves in order that Adolf Hitler's genes would die with them.

That's noble of you guys and all, but giving up on the idea of genetic destiny might be an even better way to dishonor your great uncle.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

How Bad Is the Mortgage Crisis?

posted by on June 4 at 8:57 AM

This bad.

Ed McMahon, the longtime sidekick to Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show," is fighting to avoid foreclosure on his multimillion-dollar Beverly Hills estate.

McMahon defaulted on $4.8 million in mortgage loans with a unit of Countrywide Financial Corp., which filed a notice of default in March, according to ForeclosureRadar, a company that sells default data pulled from public records.

The 85-year-old pitchman for various products, including American Family Publishers, is the highest-profile person to be caught up in the nationwide real estate downturn and mortgage crunch.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

She's Dazzling, She's Exciting, and She's Very, Very Sexy...

posted by on June 3 at 2:00 PM


...and, as Vanity Fair reports, she may be in a long-term fuck-buddy relationship with Bill Clinton.

Thanks for the heads-up, LA Times Dish Rag.

(Full Vanity Fair story, previously addressed on Slog by Eli Sanders, can be found here.)

Monday, June 2, 2008

This is Not How It's Supposed to Be

posted by on June 2 at 2:05 PM


I'm on vacation and won't be slogging much this week. Still: What kind of world makes Oscar-winners buy their crack on the street?

What's next? Dianne Wiest busted for public urination?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Lindsey Lohan: Bumping Fire Crotches?

posted by on May 27 at 9:34 AM

As if she hasn't suffered enough: Is Lindsey Lohan a... lesbian now?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Dylan McDermott Plays a Lawyer on TV, and in the Courtroom

posted by on May 22 at 10:15 AM


E! News has the scoop:

Nearly eight months after the duo announced they had separated, actor Dylan McDermott filed for divorce from wife Shiva Rose Friday, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split. According to the petition obtained by E! News, the actual date of separation is listed as March 5, 2007. Interestingly, McDermott, who spent seven years playing lawyer Bobby Donnell on The Practice, is tackling this case "in propria persona." In other words, he's acting as his own attorney.

I fully support this decision, and I know how McDermott feels: Like Lindy West, I've watched enough Law & Order that I'm almost a lawyer, and would love to try my absorbed skills in a courtroom (so long as I didn't draw that butthole Judge Lisa Pongracic..)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dept. of Surreptitious Fattening

posted by on May 21 at 5:25 PM


A former barista for the small coffee shop chain Starbucks has come forward and admitted to switching whole milk for skim when making caffeine cocktails for the Olsen twins... "The barista thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat," said a source. What a nefarious, strangely philanthropic plot.

Via Gawker.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Gold-Plated Paraplegic Pornographer/First-Amendment Warrior Spotted in Downtown Wine Bar

posted by on May 19 at 7:36 AM

This just in from Slog Tipper Marti's Friend, represented by Slog tipper Marti, who writes:

My friend spotted Larry Flynt (eew!) at Purple Cafe and Wine Bar this past Friday. Apparently he rolled in in golden wheelchair—gold wheels, gold spokes—I guess the whole thing was gold. But it wasn't hopped up, electrically—some guy was just pushing it, old-style. Exciting shit.

P.S. Minutes before I received this tip, Flynt had just come up in a conversation I was having about, uh, this, with my lawyer friend saying the First Amendment would likely protect the gross parodists of saintly Dolly just as it protected the gross parodists of that fucker Falwell. Stupid fairness.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

A Drunk from the Now; A Blast from the Past!

posted by on May 15 at 11:46 AM

I vaguely remember mentioning something about a “Charlize Theron” person that is scheduled to be, as those of us “in the business” are fond of saying, “on the red carpet” at SIFF’s always uber-glam Opening Night (May 22nd! I’m already drunk!). And goodness knows that that’s just exciting as all hell. I also think I said something about Stuart Townsend’s abs, and about how he and/or they will be “red carpeting”, too. (OMG! Just LOOK at the boner that man gives me!) But what I don’t vaguely remember telling you, because I vaguely remember just finding out about it two fucking seconds ago myself, is that Michelle Rodriguez of, you know, “Lost” or whatever, will also be “on the red carpet” Opening Night. As it were. But of course, she’ll be ripped to the tits, and driving a car. Ba-dum-bum.

And now, this poor misguided letter:

Dear Adrian, I don’t live in Seattle anymore, but I read Celebrity I Saw U every week. I moved to Boston last year. But yesterday while I was working at the JFK Presidential Library, none other than Kate Hudson, Owen Wilson and Owen Wilson’s nose came strolling in! I was shocked. I sold them their admissions ticket, and they spent two hours in the museum. They didn’t say much because they were too busy being disgustingly cutesy with each other, concluding their tour with a lover’s game of tag in our pavilion. Gross! Who knew that suicide attempts actually do strengthen a relationship?

Anyway, I immediately thought of Celebrity I Saw U, since I love your column, and these are the only celebrities I’ve ever seen.


I am sure I speak for everyone when I say Thank you, Aly, for that remarkable glimpse into the secret and unnerving world of Hudson-Wilson love, for your weekly reading of Celebrity I Saw U, and for your creepy ability to read through time.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Good Night, Sweet Prince

posted by on May 12 at 3:53 PM

The Robbins half of Baskin-Robbins departed this mortal coil one week ago today. That's him on the right:


Ol' Irv Robbins grew up in Tacoma. He and Burt Baskin were brothers-in-law. He ate three or four scoops a day. His favorite: Jamoca almond fudge.

Selections from Baskin-Robbins' Fun Facts:

-Famous former Baskin-Robbins scoopers include presidential candidate and Illinois Senator Barack Obama.
-Howard Hughes once became quite fond of Baskin-Robbins Banana Nut ice cream, so his aides tried to purchase a bulk shipment for him. Sadly, they discovered the flavor had been discontinued. They put in a request for the smallest amount the company could provide for a special order, 350 gallons (1,300 Liters). It was shipped from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, where Hughes lived at the time on the top floor of the Desert Inn. That’s the hotel he bought after they tried to evict him. A few days after the order arrived, Hughes announced he was tired of Banana Nut and only wanted French Vanilla ice cream. The Desert Inn ended up distributing free Banana Nut ice cream to casino customers for a full year until the 350 gallons were gone.
-Sean “Diddy” Combs got his first break by starring in a Baskin-Robbins commercial at the age of two.
-Throughout the years, we’ve honored important American events and cultural trends by introducing premium ice cream flavors, such as Lunar Cheesecake, Sesame Sweet, Beatle Nut and Green Monster Mint. [Who--or WHERE--is this Green Monster???]

LaBeouf...He's What's Fer Dinner, Gurl!

posted by on May 12 at 10:36 AM

Good morning.

This is really dirty. Shia LaBeouf's anus is discussed. Mullets are involved. It's a total waste of time. Also, there is a curse on it. Don't watch it unless you want your pants to explode.

Yes, this. Honestly. Please don't do it. Don't. Don't. Don't.

Thank you.

Monday, May 5, 2008

There Goes Your (Nonexistent) Chance

posted by on May 5 at 5:59 PM


Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are engaged. I'm sure that Mr. Reynolds' washboard abs must've sealed the deal. But still: first Josh Hartnett and now Ryan Reynolds? Is Johansson afraid of dating talented men?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

SIFF Is Trying To Kill Me

posted by on May 1 at 3:25 PM

I’ve been wearing my skinny pants lately. I’m sure you’ve noticed. (Sorry…um…try putting some ice on that.) My secret? Recession? Mania? Booger-sugar? Yes. And SIFF, goddammit. SIFF! Opening Night is coming quicker than a coked-up choir boy, so I’ve been living on rice and foul intentions. The press kick-off happened just this morning, which I missed completely of course, because they insisted on moving the event someplace completely asinine called “SIFF Cinema”, which is waaaaaay the hell down in Seattle Center, and not conveniently just across the street from me at Harvard Exit Theater, which is where the damn thing usually happened, and where God damn well intended it to be. And I try never to burn fossil fuels just for free Mimosa if I can help it. But these are the terrible rumors:

Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend have something or other to do with the Opening Night Movie, which is about a traumatic event I personally suffered called the WTO Riots, and they will be attending said opening night to dazzle us with their Theron/Townsendness. I’m planning an in-depth interview with Stuart’s abs, and also to Wikipedia Charlize Theron presently to educate myself, and thusly the world, as to exactly what the gosh darn heck a Charlize Theron is. (Some kind of water bird? A mystery.)

So. Stay tuned for further developments. Or don't. Whatever. I'm getting dizzy.


(Stuart’s abs are on the left. That’s Condoleeza Rice there on the right.)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Always Bet on Black

posted by on April 24 at 6:27 PM


OCALA, Fla. — A federal judge on Thursday sentenced the actor Wesley Snipes to three years in prison for willfully failing to file tax returns.

Mr. Snipes, who was convicted in February, received one year for each count, to be served consecutively, and an additional year of probation. The sentence was handed down by Judge William Terrell Hodges of Federal District Court.

Mr. Snipes, who apologized for his actions before the sentence was announced, showed no immediate reaction to the verdict.

Early reports indicate a strike force of washed-up 1980s action stars—made up of Dolph Lundgren, Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, and Carl Weathers—is already planning to bust Snipes out of the clink.

Deaf Can Dance!

posted by on April 24 at 1:59 PM

Dancing with the Stars. Has there ever been anything more horrible, more misguided, more completely soul-crushingly, skin-crawlingly painful to behold? Don’t be ridiculous. Even I’m not gay enough to appreciate that crap---watching C and D-listers prance and twirl like coked up ponies in glittery hooker costumes…ugh. It’s like Lawrence Welk with a mental disorder.

Tragically for everyone, I accidentally caught about twenty seconds of it by TOTAL chance earlier this week, and this is what I saw:

Yes, that’s Marlee Matlin shaking her little tail feathers up there, and yes, it is the same “profoundly deaf” Marlee Matlin from Children of a Lesser God and What the Bleep Do We Know (ugh) and The ‘L’ Word, et al. Indeed.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that making a deaf woman mambo is a small lateral step from putting a blind man on a greased-up pole and watching him crash to the ground. Live. On national TV. And you are oh so very right. It’s like a piano recital for children with no fingers. Like a butt-kicking contest for people with no butts. But…just look at that deaf chick go!

Now I really have nothing to compare Marlee’s mambo to, for, as I think I said, I’d rather eat a candied turd taco than sit through this garbage. I’ve never watched an episode before. But from my unschooled point of view, that woman danced like no deaf woman should be allowed. It was amazing, really. It was pretty much spot-on. (And, let’s face it, it was a damn sight more tolerable to watch than What the Bleep do We Know). It was certainly better than I could have done, and I’m blessed with a wicked sense of rhythm and two functioning ears. I simply couldn’t help but swoon a bit.

But, um, she was voted off. First week. Bam. Just like that.

A tragedy.

Oh, and it was sickening to watch. Everyone hugged her, and simpered, and gave nauseating speeches about how “inspiring” she was, and I couldn’t help thinking of a phrase David Schmader coined many years ago, “clapping extra loud for the retarded kid.” It seems just so wrong that she was so precipitously kicked off. Cruel, even. The bastards.

Poor, poor Marlee. She’s no retarded kid. She’s the Big Deaf Queen of the Mambo.

Dancing with the Stars. What a bunch of crap.

Friday, March 28, 2008


posted by on March 28 at 4:08 PM

Rock n' Roller Rikki Rockett (Real Name Richard Ream) Arrested for Rape


Rocker Rockett (entering Roxy): Rapist?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Bear Celebrity

posted by on March 26 at 11:15 AM

The polar bear...
...and the problem with that polar bear:

Knut the polar bear has turned from a cuddly cub into a publicity-addicted psycho, one of his keepers claimed yesterday.

Markus Roebke said Berlin Zoo's celebrity animal was obsessed with the limelight and howled with rage when denied an audience.

"Knut must go and the sooner the better," he said, insisting that the bear should be sent to an animal park where he received less attention.

"He is addicted to the whole show, the human adulation. It is not healthy.

"He actually cries out or whimpers if he sees that there is not a spectator outside his enclosure ready to ooh and aah at him.

"When the zoo had to shut because of black ice everywhere he howled until staff members stood before him and calmed him down."

Knut was rejected by his mother after he was born in December 2006, prompting some animal activists to say it would be better for him to die than to be weaned by man.

The zoo let him live however and he has become a major attraction, pulling in £6million in revenue so far.

Again: What is it that separates the human animal from all other animals? Today I want to add another crucial difference: A human animal's talents are not trapped in its body. For the most part, if an animal has a talent, that talent is locked in its body; its talent is its own wholly. Animals cannot socialize their individual gifts in any significant way. With humans, gifts can be transmitted across a Tardian network of repetition. If someone is good with, say, medicine, that good is not trapped in the person's body. All other human bodies can benefit from that one person's particular good. Not to share, then, is to be less human and more an animal.

Friday, March 21, 2008

And The Winners Are...

posted by on March 21 at 2:45 PM

The 2007 YouTube awards were announced today. To the many Chris Crocker haters who frequent our comments: You will be pleased to know that Crocker's Leave Britney Alone video lost in the "commentary" category to... this.

Meanwhile, here's the winner of the "music" category. Ladies and gentlemen, "Chocolate Rain."

Friday, March 7, 2008

Christian's Fierce Plan to Save Britney

posted by on March 7 at 8:53 AM has an interview with Slog favorite Christian Siriano, winner of this season's Project Runway, that touches on another Slog favorite, popwreck Britney Spears.

AE: I read in an interview with you that you said you wanted to save Britney Spears because she needs the gays.

CS: [laughing] She does. I know.

AE: Tell me what you’d do.

CS: Oh, my god. Listen, have you ever noticed Britney has no gays? She has no little fairies running around helping her. I don’t understand that.

AE: I know.

CS: It’s really horrible. Now I said to a producer once that I wanted to do a reality show called Project Britney instead of Project Runway, where I would take Britney for the next six months and I would do hair, makeup, wardrobe every day for her and become her personal staff every day. And then of course I would be, hello, the thanks that everyone has to give for saving Britney, ‘cause I would totally save her whole image and – oh my god, it would be flawless.

AE: But do you think she’d let you?

CS: No, she would never, no. She would never let anybody. I think that’s her point, like you know, everybody was doing that all her life, so she’s kind of rebelling. I mean I think it’d be fun. Most designers would never want to dress a celebrity like her, but I wouldn’t mind trying to like work her back into shape. It’d be fun.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

American Idol--Nipples or No?

posted by on March 5 at 11:12 PM

Now that Project Runway is finally over, we turn our gaze to other television realities, and other screaming homosexuals. By which, of course, I mean American Idol, and this guy:


Every season it’s fucking something, and this season that fucking something’s name is David Hernandez. That's him in the pic above.

David is a top (ahem) contestant this time around, and he’s also apparently a big gay ‘ho. Or a big 'ho for the gays. Whatever.

The story goes that he found gainful employment as a rather nude stripper/topless bartender (with emphasis on the stripper) at a gay, gay, GAY! bar in the recent past, and everyone knows that this sort of frivolous behavior is deeply frowned upon by the prudes that run A.I.

So will Idol allow David to continue singing his little heart out, now that it’s been uncovered (ahem, ahem) that he’s all gay-for-pay and crap? And/or that he's obviously none too shy about revealing his man-nipples? Or will he be unceremoniously dumped, like some unfortunate and booby-showing acquaintances of mine? And if he isn't dumped, does that constitute a dreadful double standard?

Speculation is pointless. And I’m not watching the damn thing to find out.

Full story (and lots of nipply photographic evidence) here.

Oh, Sanjaya! Where are you?!?!


Nobody answer that.

Patrick Swayze Is Dying, For Real This Time

posted by on March 5 at 2:19 PM

The National Enquirer's earlier report has been confirmed.

Will Arnett/Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen/Matthew McConaughey SEX TAPE!!!

posted by on March 5 at 2:04 PM

Patrick Swayze Might Be Dying

posted by on March 5 at 9:51 AM

Love him or hate him, you can't deny that this is might be sad news.

Swayze, 55, has been sick with the disease since he was diagnosed in late January with pancreatic cancer. The cancer has since spread to other organs and now the actor/dancer is dying.


Update: Transworld got this from the National Enquirer, so who knows if it's true. Sorry.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Blackface, Whiteface, Gaijinface

posted by on March 4 at 10:35 AM

Meanwhile in Japan—Obamaface! (In honor of Obama, Japan.)


An actor prepares:





The pièce de résistance:


And, in the interest of equal time:


Baka gaijin, yo!

(Thanks to hot tipper Ben.)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Fucking Celebrities

posted by on February 25 at 7:40 AM

I'm going to guess that I'm supposed to dislike Jimmy Kimmel, so I'll probably get in trouble for defying the orthodoxy here, but fuck it, this is kinda funny.

First there was this pretty funny smack from his hot-ass girlfriend:

Then, last night, there was this star-studded, gay-chicken-referencing response:

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Breaking News! Gary Coleman is Secretly Married!

posted by on February 12 at 2:03 PM

Ok, maybe it's not news, but it is hitting the tabloids today.


Of marriage, he says, "It's not a picnic, dude."

She says, "He lets his anger conquer him sometimes. He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction... I don't like the violence."

Ah, romance!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Bye Bye Life

posted by on February 11 at 8:11 AM

Straight boys of a certain age will always remember Roy Scheider for his performance as Chief Brody in Jaws, of course. Gay boys of a certain age will always remember him for his performance as a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and nobody's friend in All That Jazz.

This is some freaky, tripped-out shit--courtesy of director Bob Fosse--and it ends with Scheider... well, I'm not going to say. It's 10 minutes long, morbidly depressing, and totally worth watching.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Jaws of Death...

posted by on February 10 at 9:40 PM


...have claimed Roy Scheider.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Daniel Craig vs. James McAvoy

posted by on February 8 at 1:17 PM

Let's take a quick break from the Dem primary and vote on something else, shall we?


A dating website in the UK polled single gay men on which male movie star they most wanted to fuck--excuse me, "go on a date with." Topping the list was Daniel Craig, with 31% of the vote, followed by James McAvoy with 18%. I think McAvoy (Last King of Scotland, Atonement) is much hotter than Craig (Casino Royale, Golden Compass).

But what do you think, Sloggers? Who would you rather fuck?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Someone Had To Post About It

posted by on February 6 at 3:42 PM

Britney Spears car chase, live on TMZ.


Ledger's Death an Accident--Kinda

posted by on February 6 at 7:50 AM

From the NYT:

The New York City chief medical examiner’s office has ruled that the actor Heath Ledger, whose body was found in a SoHo apartment on Jan. 22, died of an accidental overdose of prescription medications that included painkillers, sleeping pills and anti-anxiety drugs.

“Mr. Heath Ledger died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine,” Ellen Borakove, a spokeswoman for the chief medical examiner, Dr. Charles S. Hirsch, said in a brief statement. “We have concluded that the manner of death is accident, resulting from the abuse of prescription medications.”

Remember, kids, drugs should be abused one at a time.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Seattle? We’ll Travel Anywhere for Our Celebrity Sightings!

posted by on January 31 at 12:22 PM

An urgent communiqué has just reached me from the border!

Hey Adrien-

I cant have my real name attached to this because I'm in the business and don’t want it to bite me in the ass later- BUT!

I was at a party for the upcoming movie "Game" last night, in New Mexico where they filmed it. It stars the hunky, almost grossly buff Gerard Butler and Amber Valletta. Throughout the night you could tell that there might be a spark between the two---she grabbed him, yanked him over to the side street and they fought, kissed, then he left with her.

Oh man, probably the best celebrity sighting ever. Might I add, she's married with kids?

Princesses Quetzequotal Jones
(Not her real name.)

Gerard Butler? You jest! Amber Valletta? No kidding! In New Mexico? Astonishing! (The old Mexico wasn't good enough for ya? Republican.)

I’m so lost. And apparently my name is "Adrien" now.

Heaven give me strength.

Thanks, “Princess!” Thanks,!


Britney Gets Some Help

posted by on January 31 at 9:28 AM


...and all it took was an ambulance, a dozen motorcycle officers, two police helicopters, and a meticulously planned "snatch and grab" intervention led by her formerly estranged mother Lynne.

The bred-to-be-insane pop star will reportedly remain involuntarily hospitalized on a "mental health evaluation hold," which will last at least 72 hours and could extend to two weeks.

For those who care, the story's here, here, here, and here. (And probably a zillion other places.)

Speaking of troubled American product: Starbucks has announced it will discontinue its line of breakfast sandwiches.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

And Now, Some Serious Investigative Journalism!

posted by on January 30 at 10:01 PM

Michael Moore. Well, he’s a lovely man. Lovely. I’m not against him. But he is to an optimist’s attitude what salt panties are to a snail’s clam. His films take my fitful little attitude—desperately sunny with threatening apocalyptic storm fronts (“The waters aren’t rising that much! And we’ll all be able to rush the border when Huckabee disbands Congress and claims America for Jesus, no problem!”)--crumple it into a poopy little wad and flush it straight to hell. I just forced myself to watch Sicko. I’d avoided it long enough. It destroyed me.

But never mind all that.

I noticed something as I watched the film, just a few minutes in, and it was this energetic young fella...


...and he is called Eric Turnbow. You will recognize him as the daring gentleman who made the pilgrimage to London for the express purpose of videotaping himself walking across Abbey Road—a la The Beatles on their famous album cover—but, um, on his hands.


He promptly dislocated his shoulder. Superlative British healthcare ensued. All of this is documented in Mr. Moore’s film.

Eric Turnbow is from Olympia. He is a musician. You might know this.

But, here is what you might don’t know:

Eric Turnbow, famous shoulder-dislocater, is also the brother and/or male sibling of none other than this man...

(Photo: Barbara Pomer)

...who lives in Seattle, and is called Jon Strongbow. Jon has, for as long as anyone can remember, been creating distinctive psychedelic Seattle landscapes like this one...


...which hung at places like Gravity Bar, when there was a Gravity Bar, and still hang at places like Traveler's on Pine Street and Twice Sold Tales. He is a prolific artist, fascinating local character, and Pike Place Market fixture. You might even know this!

But what you probably might don’t know even more is that both of these brothers---Turnbow and Strongbow---are the sons of this Oly-guzzling son-of-a-gun:


...and he was, and is, called Avaton Turnbow. He ran a psychic bookstore in downtown Olympia in the ‘60s, until he decided it was a better idea to found his very own religious cult. He called it “The Fellowship,” and had himself all sorts of jaunty adventures, I'm sure. He sounds like an interesting dinner guest.

Indeed, a source that will eat me alive if I name him (or her) says, “Almost every member of that family is a mad genius. I adore them all.”

Sounds like a fascinating story, doesn’t it? Just, doesn't it?!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

As Part of My Semiserious Bid Not to Post About Hillary Or Obama...

posted by on January 29 at 4:08 PM


I bring you news about Amy Winehouse:

Amy Winehouse's mum says she'll be dead in a year

Janis Winehouse has only watched it once: the grainy video of her daughter Amy doped up on Valium and smoking crack cocaine. But she knows its significance.

"I've known for a long time that my daughter has problems," she says, numbly. "But seeing it on screen rammed it home. I realise my daughter could be dead within the year. We're watching her kill herself, slowly.

"I've already come to terms with her dead. I've steeled myself to ask her what ground she wants to be buried in, which cemetery. Because the drugs will get her if she stays on this road.

"She's invited me to the Grammy awards next month, but part of me thinks she won't be alive by then."

A) I fucking love British tabloids.

B) This woman seriously does not know how to shut up. Seriously, the writer lets her yammer on for like 2,000 more words.

C) Annie: You're welcome. (You too, Obamatons!)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Bill Bellamy—And He Dip, He Dip, He Dip!

posted by on January 25 at 4:24 PM

An urgent report from a tipper of the Slog we’ll call “Jessie”:

Bill Bellamy and a few Last Comic Standing guys sat next to my friends and I at the Honey Hole this afternoon around 2p. Bill Bellamy is way taller than imagined him, and sexy! When a girl came up to say hi to him, he was very genuine and kind. We overheard him telling her that they were in town with the show, just looking for "Real Seattle People." He ordered a French Dip sandwich.


A French Dip Sandwich! You don’t say!

So who is this "Jessie", and why does she run around imagining how tall Bill Belamy might be? (AND sexy!) And who is Bill Bellamy? And what are these alleged "Real Seattle People" of which he speaks? (All of my Seattle people are quite imaginary.) And doesn't a nice hot French Dip from “The Honey Hole" sound just lovely right now? I ask you.

I ask you indeed.


What Was Mary-Kate Olsen Thinking?!?

posted by on January 25 at 3:49 PM

That's the question that everyone's been asking since Heath Ledger's death--a masseuse called Mary-Kate Olsen, told her that Ledger was unconscious, and Mary Kate didn't advise the masseuse--and, hey, what the hell was she thinking?--to wait for Mary Kate's own private body guards to show up.

So what was Mary Kate thinking? 23/6 breaks it down for us.