Yuri and Dmitri Kuklachev are a father-son team of Russian clowns and proprietors of a cat circus called Moscow Cats Theater. They began training cats in 1977, were one of the first Soviet-era performers to tour the United States, and are famous in 80 countries. They've won awards, been commemorated on stamps, and are beloved by children, grandmas, and cat fanciers everywhere.

Last year, Yuri and Dmitri toured the United States and performed at the Seattle Rep.

Except they didn't.

The Russian clowns who performed at the Rep last April were, apparently, impostors. (Copycats, if you will. And you will.) According to a lawsuit filed by the real Yuri and Dmitri Kuklachev, the impostors stole the real Russian clowns' names, clothes, and hairstyles and toured the country as the Moscow Cats Theater.

The Russian clowns are pissed. They've filed a suit in New York against the impostors, the impostors' U.S. promoter (Mark Gelfman), and every theater where the impostors performed, including the Seattle Rep.

"We don't know anything about this," the Rep's communications director, Ilana Balint, said this afternoon. "We haven't been served any papers."

"Well, they're gonna get served papers today or Monday," said the Russian clowns' lawyer, Gary Tsirelman. "We're just beginning a lengthy process."

The Russian clowns have filed the suit in Brooklyn and are suing for: "federal and common-law trademark infringement, false endorsement, unfair competition, false designation of origin, dilution of a famous trademark, and violations of anti-cybersquatting law, rights of publicity and privacy, fraud, conversion, prima facie tort and unjust enrichment."

(Tsirelman was referred to the Russian clowns by a colleague. "They needed a vulture in court," Tsirelman said, "someone very vicious who does not take no for an answer. They said, 'find us the biggest a-hole out there.' And that was me.")

Some history: The Russian clowns have been doing their cat-circus act since 1977. Sometime in the 80s, an assistant stole the Russian clowns' act, names, costumes, and hairstyle, and tried to tour the USSR. Soviet police eventually shut them down.

Fast forward to December 2006: The real Russian clowns finished a real tour of the U.S. and returned to Russia, expecting to come back for another U.S. tour in 2007.

From the complaint: "Within days of Yuri Kuklachev's departure, his [U.S.] promoter, M. Gelfman... secretly filed a registration with the United States Patent and Trademark Office to register the famous Kuklachev's 'Moscow Cats Theater' mark in his own name." He also bought www.moscowcatstheatre.com

Then Gelfman (allegedly) trotted out the impostors, changed their names and dyed their hair, and sent them on the road.

The Russian clowns are currently seeking $10 million in damages, but that might grow—Tsirelman says he's still getting calls from across the country (and the world) from people who saw the ersatz Kuklachevs. "I hear their show was pretty bad," Tsirelman. "A lot of disappointed grandkids."

So why are the Russian clowns suing individual theaters, like the Rep, when the theaters were duped like everybody else?

"Trademark law does not require defendants to have knowledge or intent to deceive," Tsirelman said.

In short: Ignorance is no excuse.

Gelfman and his defense lawyers have not returned requests for comment.

Stay tuned.

A transformer explosion has disabled our internets. Paul Constant is reading poetry aloud and we may soon resort to cannibalism.

Slog will be slow for a while. Please make a note of it.

Update: We're back.

Did you ever eat a bunch of beets, forgot you ate a bunch of beets, then took a piss and thought, "Oh my God, I'm dying—or having my first period! Or something else that's really, really bad!" It's happened to me. It just happened to me. It happens to me almost every time I eat beets. Must stop eating beets.

The Seattle Police and FBI are conducting raids on multiple locations, which appear to be linked to the Colacurcio family.

Members of the Colacurcio family, who own and operate Rick's strip club in Lake City and the nearby Talents West, plead guilty earlier this year to conspiracy charges related strippergate.

The FBI will hold a press conference at the US Attorney's office later today.

More info as this develops.

"Chipotle Launches Naturally Raised Chicken"

Thanks to Jay for the suggestion...

Originally posted at 11:49 AM

Seattle Seahawk defensive tackle "Rocky" Bernard was booked into the King County Jail early this morning for a domestic violence related assault. Bernard—whose full name is Robert Eugene Bernard Jr.—was, according to sources, celebrating his birthday at the Ibiza nightclub on 2nd and Yesler.

The Seattle Seahawks have not yet responded to requests for comment.

UPDATE: According to the police report, Bernard got into an altercation with an ex-girlfriend—who is also the mother of his child—while at the club. The report say Bernard punched the 21-year old woman in the forehead, which sent her backwards into a glass divider.

The report says the woman ran out of the club with a friend, and into the friend's car. While the woman was inside the car, Bernard stood against the vehicle, pounding on the windows.

The woman drove to a "safe location" and called 911. Officers called Ibiza to locate Bernard, who was later arrested at the club.

No charges have been filed, but the City Attorney's office says the case should be forwarded to them tomorrow morning.

Developer Greg Smith's plan to build a combo trolley maintenance barn/condo/commerical development in Occidental Park (off Pioneer Square) is dead, Deputy Mayor Tim Ceis told me. The 130-foot-tall building was intended to serve a rebuild of the ID to Waterfront-Trolley.

Cies told me tonight that the waterfront trolley idea "no longer fit into the city's transportation plan."

He also cited the fact that plans to revamp the viaduct had thrown the waterfront trolley plans into limbo. Also: too expensive.

"It's not in our plans, and we're moving ahead," Ceis says, saying the new priorities were servicing the transportation grid around the viaduct and around light rail through Capitol Hill.