Originally published March 24, 2005:
I am a 34-year-old woman. I recently became reacquainted with a boyfriend from college. He lives in Alaska and I live on the East Coast. We hadn't seen each other since 1993. We only broke up then because we were both graduating and headed our separate ways. We have continued our snail-mail and e-mail correspondence on and off for the last 12 years. I always ended it, and he would pursue it again several months later, and I would cave. I usually ended it because of my being seriously involved with other men. Anyway, me and college boy decided it was time to see each other again and got together for five days in New Orleans. We had fabulous sex every night and enjoyed each other's company all day. Then we parted ways again.
A few days later, I called him and told him I loved him. He said it wasn't reciprocated. However, he continues to write me daily e-mails. He often tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, etc. For a guy who's not interested, he sends some VERY mixed signals. He claims he was never in love with me, though, and doesn't think he'll ever love anyone romantically. Oh yeah—the last person he had sex with before me in New Orleans was me in college. He hadn't had sex in TWELVE years! He lives in Alaska and works six to eight months of the year doing remote jobs where he works usually with all men, and often alone. He's a very rugged, tough, solitary man's man (and sooooooo sexy). He often asks me to call him and sends me little packages of CDs and DVDs. What do I make of this? He's already said he's terrified of my showing up in Alaska and thinks I'm too into him, but then he turns around and tells me there's nothing wrong with me and he thinks I'm awesome. What do I make of all this?
One Confused Chickie
My response after the jump...
Do you know what the funny thing is about mixed signals, OCC? In most instances mixed signals are actually one loud, clear, unmistakable signal: "I'm a fucking mess! Run! Run! Run!" The reason you can't decipher the singular signal Alaska Boy is sending you, OCC, is because you're suffering from a bad case of Wishful Thinking Syndrome (WTS). This man is damaged goods, OCC, but you're so in love with him that you can't see him for what he is.
How do we know he's damaged goods? Let's count the ways: For starters he's a single man who chooses to live in Alaska, which should be renamed the Alaskan National Damaged Goods Refuge. He also says one thing ("I don't love you, I'll never love you") and does another (e-mails, compliments, explosive sex), which is always and everywhere a bad sign. Like a lot of DG men, he wants to feel like he has a girlfriend and/or lover without having to say the words. He also clearly enjoys messing with your head. Run, run, run.