This is what a bag full of Original Cookie Chips looks like.
Sometimes, a PR person will get in touch with The Stranger and offer to mail us some newfangled variety of junk food, in the hopes that we'll rave about it on our blog. We usually accept these offers, because in the whole history of journalism, reporters have never turned down any free anything ever.
Taste the Tan Rainbow: Click to enlarge.
Earlier this week, we received a whole shipment of Cookie Chips. We were all pretty excited about the idea of Cookie Chips: Super-thin cookies in a bag that you can eat like chips? What's not to love? The varieties were Chocolate Chip, Sea Salted Peanut Butter, Cinnamon Sugar, and, confusingly, Original. Our staff's opinions were mixed, though, when we opened the bags. Cookie chips are not potato-chip thin. They're just regular old thin, very crispy cookies in a bag. Of course, a bag full of cookies is not anything to complain about. Unless your name is Cienna Madrid: "I was expecting the perfect amalgamation of potato chip and cookie," Cienna explained. "Instead, these were just crumbly cookie disks. Where's the fucking salt? These cookie chips are cookie-shaped piles of bullshit." Cienna also compared Cookie Chips to the leavings of baked goods left on the bottom of an oven.
Anna Minard strenuously disagreed with Cienna. In fact, she found the Original flavor to be "really, really, really good. I think the flavor is just 'sugar-flour' but it's amazing." The Sea Salt Peanut Butter, though didn't get as many raves. Anna called it "so-so. Why is it 'salted'? That's insane. Peanut butter is already salty. Don't extra-salt it." Ultimately, though, Anna approves: "The texture is perfect for what they are," she says. "These seem like they'd make really good building blocks for weird food concoctions made by stoners." For the most part, staff opinions fell squarely between those two opinions: Those of us who hate crisp cookies did not enjoy Cookie Chips, but those of us who like buttery, sugary things no matter what form those things may come in found a lot to appreciate. Most of us agreed that Original was best, even though we've never eaten an Original-flavored cookie before in our lives; it appeared to be chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips, which sounds awful but worked best with the thin-and-crispy theme.
Yesterday, we got a package of Oberto brand Bacon Jerky in the mail. Here is how much the carnivores on staff enjoyed the Bacon Jerky: I couldn't get a picture of the stuff because it was gone before I thought to get my phone out. I thought I was finished with all the endless bacon variations a while ago—the internet's love for bacon salt and bacon-flavored popcorn finally exhausted me—but this strikes me as a viable product. It's not greasy, it tastes like bacon, and it doesn't have the clammy texture of that pre-cooked bacon you can buy in supermarkets. (Weirdly, when Goldy microwaved Bacon Jerky, it turned back into regular bacon; it was slightly chewy but just as greasy as regular old breakfast bacon.) Dominic, Goldy, and I all enjoyed Bacon Jerky, and we would definitely eat it again. Especially if it showed up for free in the mail.