Friday, March 29, 2013

Battle of the Junk Foods: Cookie Chips or Bacon Jerky?

Posted by on Fri, Mar 29, 2013 at 12:08 PM

This is what a bag full of Original Cookie Chips looks like.
  • This is what a bag full of Original Cookie Chips looks like.

Sometimes, a PR person will get in touch with The Stranger and offer to mail us some newfangled variety of junk food, in the hopes that we'll rave about it on our blog. We usually accept these offers, because in the whole history of journalism, reporters have never turned down any free anything ever.

Taste the Tan Rainbow: Click to enlarge.
  • Taste the Tan Rainbow: Click to enlarge.
Earlier this week, we received a whole shipment of Cookie Chips. We were all pretty excited about the idea of Cookie Chips: Super-thin cookies in a bag that you can eat like chips? What's not to love? The varieties were Chocolate Chip, Sea Salted Peanut Butter, Cinnamon Sugar, and, confusingly, Original. Our staff's opinions were mixed, though, when we opened the bags. Cookie chips are not potato-chip thin. They're just regular old thin, very crispy cookies in a bag. Of course, a bag full of cookies is not anything to complain about. Unless your name is Cienna Madrid: "I was expecting the perfect amalgamation of potato chip and cookie," Cienna explained. "Instead, these were just crumbly cookie disks. Where's the fucking salt? These cookie chips are cookie-shaped piles of bullshit." Cienna also compared Cookie Chips to the leavings of baked goods left on the bottom of an oven.

Anna Minard strenuously disagreed with Cienna. In fact, she found the Original flavor to be "really, really, really good. I think the flavor is just 'sugar-flour' but it's amazing." The Sea Salt Peanut Butter, though didn't get as many raves. Anna called it "so-so. Why is it 'salted'? That's insane. Peanut butter is already salty. Don't extra-salt it." Ultimately, though, Anna approves: "The texture is perfect for what they are," she says. "These seem like they'd make really good building blocks for weird food concoctions made by stoners." For the most part, staff opinions fell squarely between those two opinions: Those of us who hate crisp cookies did not enjoy Cookie Chips, but those of us who like buttery, sugary things no matter what form those things may come in found a lot to appreciate. Most of us agreed that Original was best, even though we've never eaten an Original-flavored cookie before in our lives; it appeared to be chocolate chip cookies without the chocolate chips, which sounds awful but worked best with the thin-and-crispy theme.

Yesterday, we got a package of Oberto brand Bacon Jerky in the mail. Here is how much the carnivores on staff enjoyed the Bacon Jerky: I couldn't get a picture of the stuff because it was gone before I thought to get my phone out. I thought I was finished with all the endless bacon variations a while ago—the internet's love for bacon salt and bacon-flavored popcorn finally exhausted me—but this strikes me as a viable product. It's not greasy, it tastes like bacon, and it doesn't have the clammy texture of that pre-cooked bacon you can buy in supermarkets. (Weirdly, when Goldy microwaved Bacon Jerky, it turned back into regular bacon; it was slightly chewy but just as greasy as regular old breakfast bacon.) Dominic, Goldy, and I all enjoyed Bacon Jerky, and we would definitely eat it again. Especially if it showed up for free in the mail.


Comments (12) RSS

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Will in Seattle 1
Bacon Jerky. Although I guess that's option 4.
Posted by Will in Seattle on March 29, 2013 at 12:18 PM · Report this
Matt the Engineer 2
Cookie chips clearly need a dip or salsa. But instead of dip or salsa, try peanut butter or melted chocolate. Though I guess those would both be dips. Maybe make some sort of salsa equivelent like chocolate and peanut butter chips mixed in a marshmallow fluff or frosting.
Posted by Matt the Engineer on March 29, 2013 at 12:19 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 3
Where's the button for "All junk food is disgusting, unhealthy, corporate product and I want both of these in my alimentary chunnel IMMEDIATELY!"

Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on March 29, 2013 at 12:22 PM · Report this
I just had a mouth-hallucination of salty cinnamon sugar potato chips.

Why does this not exist already?

(The answer is of course that sugar is humectant, and water is the enemy of a crisp chip.)
Posted by TheLurker on March 29, 2013 at 12:28 PM · Report this
Journalists (real ones) turn down free stuff all the time.
Posted by bigyaz on March 29, 2013 at 12:41 PM · Report this
TomJohnsonJr 6
The Bacon Jerky has only 1g carbs per ounce, so this gay of a certain age is going to stock up pronto.
Posted by TomJohnsonJr on March 29, 2013 at 12:56 PM · Report this
stinkbug 7
Put some Crunchy Cookie Butter on your Cookie Chip.
Posted by stinkbug on March 29, 2013 at 1:29 PM · Report this
delirian 8
Why didn't anybody think of combining the bacon jerky with the cookie chips? Just use spray cheese in between the cookie chips to hold the bacon jerky. Then dip it in milk, like a cheesy bacon filled Oreo.

Hmm. I think I may need to patent this.
Posted by delirian on March 29, 2013 at 1:32 PM · Report this
Cookie chips are AMAZING. I bought a bag out of curiosity and have switched over all my cookie eating habits to the chips. I like how they are smaller so I can eat one or two and not feel guilty.
Posted by ishf on March 29, 2013 at 2:18 PM · Report this
Free Lunch 10
Only Goldy's inquiring mind would think of microwaving the bacon jerky.
Posted by Free Lunch on March 29, 2013 at 5:24 PM · Report this
beatgrl 11
There is bacon flavored mouthwash now.
Posted by beatgrl on March 29, 2013 at 5:38 PM · Report this
@4: Buy a bag of Taco Time's Crustos. Add salt. (OK, it's flour tortilla chips rather than potato. Better anyway.)

For best results go to Oregon, Washington TTs are chintzy on the Crustos.

Posted by DonServo on March 29, 2013 at 6:00 PM · Report this

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