Friday, December 7, 2012

Have You Ever Thrown a Drink in Someone's Face?

Posted by on Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 9:18 AM

I never have! Ever! And it's weird because I've broken a number of cell phones in the past by chucking them against a wall or the ground—there was a time when I was a thrower. But I've never thrown a drink, never in someone's face. I'm kind of sad about it.

I think I would like to throw a drink in someone's face. I bet it would feel invigorating! Alas, in my old age, I rarely get angry enough to do something so dramatic. And Paul Constant made the good point that throwing a drink on someone in 2012 is much different than it was 20 years ago because these days so many people have hundreds of dollars worth of devices on their person. Imagine throwing a drink on someone who deserved it, making a scene and feeling like a bad ass, only to get a $300 bill because you ruined their precious cell phone. That'd certainly take the wind out of your sails.

Not only have I never thrown a drink on someone, but I've never had a drink thrown on me nor have I ever witnessed a human throw a drink on another human (out of anger).

Tell me your drink throwing stories! I want to live vicariously.


Comments (71) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
i gave serious thought to it one time. alas, i could not get myself to waste good beer so i drained the entire imperial pint in one go, stood up, gave a salute and walked out. i felt that was 90% as good as the throwing of the drink with 100% less waste.
Posted by good shit on December 7, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
...but what about the hockey lockout?
Posted by mhulot on December 7, 2012 at 9:28 AM · Report this
motofly 3
Does cracking someone in the head with a pint of beer count? I've done that.
Posted by motofly on December 7, 2012 at 9:29 AM · Report this
kitschnsync 4
I've attacked someone with a supersoaker full of methylene blue solution. Does that count?
Posted by kitschnsync on December 7, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report this
21st birthday. Way too many shots down my gullet already, when a friend came with one more. I said no way. He said, "down it, pussy." I took the shot and threw it in his face. Then promptly began vomiting.
Posted by Just saying on December 7, 2012 at 9:35 AM · Report this
I had an ex whose parents met when mom threw a drink on dad at a party.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on December 7, 2012 at 9:37 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 7
I once set off one of those little stink bombs in a bar in the Castro. We all fell out in the street, laughing. No drinks, though.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 7, 2012 at 9:38 AM · Report this
My first wife was in the UK, I don't know about when -- 80s, maybe. Walking up the stairs in a two-level pub with a fresh pint, someone pinched her butt. Turning around to remonstrate, she noticed her drink was starting to spill, began to correct it, then decided to go for it, and dumped the whole pint directly into the pincher's upturned face from about half a foot above.
Posted by LMcGuff on December 7, 2012 at 9:39 AM · Report this
Rotten666 9
Never threw a drink in someone's face, but once walked up to a guy who owed me a few hundred bucks, took his newly purchased PBR pint from his hand, drank it in a couple of gulps, and told him to stay the fuck out of my bar until he paid me back.

Never saw the scrub again.
Posted by Rotten666 on December 7, 2012 at 9:44 AM · Report this
At a party I threw up on the girl who was sleeping with my boyfriend, and my stomach was pretty full of Boone's Farm "Sangria," not to mention sweet and sour chicken. I am going to say this counts, since I was vomitin' mad.
Posted by Superjivus on December 7, 2012 at 9:47 AM · Report this
Wandergeist 11
Saw it happen once, but nobody I knew could give me the details. You know what's worse than never having done it? Having seen it done, but NOT KNOWING THE STORY.
Posted by Wandergeist on December 7, 2012 at 9:49 AM · Report this
Ten comments so far, all sharing stories about how they have NOT thrown a drink in someone's face. The internet is interesting.
Posted by flan on December 7, 2012 at 9:50 AM · Report this
I did it by accident a couple of weeks back. Standing in the crowd in the El Corazon Lounge for the Goddamn Gallows show, a woman and I smiled at each other and she raised her glass in a toast. My hands were empty, so I kind of high-fived her back. I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing and I'm clumsy as shit anyway, so the result was a shocked expression on her face as I knock her glass and basically shower beer all over her face, hair, and clothing.

She must have been in a good mood - I escaped without punching, slapping or yelling
Posted by chrisgreen on December 7, 2012 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Drag queens at ReBar one night after a show. Messy.
Posted by nador on December 7, 2012 at 9:52 AM · Report this
On summer break from my uber-liberal college, I went to Boston to visit my boyfriend. We went to a party at his best friend's house, who I had never met before. I had several beers, and the best friend kept making racist comments about various people on TV (so turn off the fucking TV, right?). I'd had enough, and was appalled that my boyfriend was friends with this guy, and impulsively threw my beer in his face. My boyfriend immediately excused us from the party and we went home.
Posted by beaugirl on December 7, 2012 at 9:54 AM · Report this
mikethehammer 16
Paul's concern seems unfounded. Unless you're wearing your phone under your hat or as an earring. Or have REALLY abysmal aim.

Last year I was dating a drunkard of a girl and in the midst of a discussion I told her that she talks shit when she's drunk. That didn't sit well and she raised her glass (I believe) to toss it, but then restrained herself. Seems as close as I've come. Then a few weeks later we were back at her place late one night having another discussion and I paused to have a sip of something from a coffee cup. She smacked said cup as it was in my mouth and jammed it up against my teeth, but I escaped this encounter dry & unharmed as well. Gosh, I miss her.
Posted by mikethehammer on December 7, 2012 at 9:56 AM · Report this
I’m proud to say I threw a drink in someone’s face about 10 years ago. I was at a club when a guy I was dancing with insulted me. I immediately left the dance floor and 5 minutes later, after not being able to stand it anymore, I grabbed a drink out of my friend’s hand and gave it to him full in the face. His shocked expression was priceless. I was even ready to knee him had he advanced toward me. He stomped out of the club instead.

It’s a very liberating feeling to do this - one reserved only for those who would tell a boss to shove it for good or pay off a mortgage from a robber bank while writing them a no-more-business-from-me letter.
Posted by Contessa777 on December 7, 2012 at 10:00 AM · Report this
Laurence Ballard 18
Vancouver, 1973: pitcher(!) of beer thrown in my face by best friend; soaked to the waist. We were escorted to the curb on the Gastown street. Two years later at birthday celebration, three-layer cake smashed in my face.

Good laughs had by all.
Posted by Laurence Ballard on December 7, 2012 at 10:03 AM · Report this
Sounds like a consensual scene waiting to happen. I bet you could negotiate a scene like that at the CSPC, and I bet it would be fun!
Posted by dianasquiver on December 7, 2012 at 10:04 AM · Report this
Multiple times. Here are some highlights;

It was 2000, and my UW friends and I were visiting a HS friend in Pullman (WSU). We were at a house party in enemy territory and I spotted my prey. This chick was so wasted- she could barely tell which way was up. As the night went on, and I had consumed numerous brewskies, I decided it would be entertaining to see how drunk this girl actually was. I stood behind here and proceeded to pour my beer over her head. She didn’t flinch and my friends and I were hysterical with laughter.

Florence, Italy, circa 2002. I was studying abroad and my friend and we decided to go out to one of the clubs for his 21st birthday. We had both joined a study abroad program that originated on the East Coast, so we had a lot of meaty Jersey Shore types among us. That particular night- the club was full of them. Greasy hair guys an girls with fake Gucci bags. One guy approached me and we somehow got into an altercation. He called me an anorexic bitch. We exchanged words and somehow I had offended him to the point of him spitting in my face. I not only threw my drink in his face (hair pomade actually wicks away the cocktail quite well) I also threw my drink glass at him, which shattered right above his face on the wall. Then the mafia showed up and the group disappeared out the back door.

The rest of my college years (even before I was in Italy) I spent quite a few parties pouring beer over various frat guys, just for fun. It was not as aggressive as splashing a drink in one's face, but it does still count. There were a handfull of times when I would leave a party covered in beer as well. Good times.
Posted by Seabee on December 7, 2012 at 10:07 AM · Report this
Snappertuna 21
Posted by Snappertuna on December 7, 2012 at 10:10 AM · Report this
I have never thrown a drink in anyone's face, but I did throw a punch at a guy. I was on a blind date. We were with 3 other people going out to a bar. It was snowy and icy out, and the driver was having fun sliding around. I did not appreciate it, as there were not enough seatbelts to go around. After he lost control and ran into a telephone pole, I hit my head against the windshield. About that time I felt that if my head hurt, his should too. As everyone else was asking if everyone was ok, I doubled up my fist and slammed it into the driver's face. He then informed me that I would not be getting a ride home from him! No Shit Asshole. The rest of us exited, and found another way home. That was the last time I saw any of them, and the last blind date I ever went on. Does this count?
Posted by SeattleKim on December 7, 2012 at 10:12 AM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 23
I don't see that much difference between this and waxing nostalgic for the days when a husband could beat a woman if she "deserved" it.

The gendered assumptions here are that if a man violates the rules of chivalry, then he may have drink thrown on him, or perhaps be slapped. Those same rules give a husband the authority for corporal punishment of his wife.

Nostalgia for the good old days when people of privilege could get away with acting like an animal, and people without privilege were ignored. See "Mad Men".
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on December 7, 2012 at 10:12 AM · Report this
thene 24
Yes, but only water. Throwing water at people is a great form of purely symbolic violence, because it annoys them and ruins their outfit temporarily but they can't claim you harmed them, so I did it several times in my teens and then once during a domestic incident a few years ago (a gallon bottle, no less). Oh, and last year I playfully tipped some from my water-glass over the head of a coworker who'd just made a racist unfunny nonjoke. I wouldn't worry too much about cellphones, either - my partner dropped his iphone in our dog's water-bowl last year, thus completely submerging it in several inches of water for a few seconds, and it was working fine ten minutes later.
Posted by thene on December 7, 2012 at 10:14 AM · Report this
michaelp 25
My personal favorite story occurred during the 2011 Emerald City Classic. My good friend Rickey was being...less than pleasant toward an individual he didn't care for, and may have been making fun of this guy over a underwear stuffing incident at an underwear party.

So this guy - Andre, I believe? - took to the drink throwing - a glass of water.

Joke was on him, though - it was very hot outside, so it was more of a blessing than anything else.
Posted by michaelp on December 7, 2012 at 10:15 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 26
@23 I have to agree with that sentiment. Don't throw an alcoholic drink into someone's eyes unless you are willing to be punched or otherwise drawn into a physical fight. You never quite know how someone is going to react to that.
You'd like to think most guys on the make would take it as a sign to buzz off, but if they're already drunk and horny.....
Posted by Sir Vic on December 7, 2012 at 10:25 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 27
While it is true that people have electronic devices these days, people generally used to dress better. So the relative costs of damaging things is probably a wash. Unless you throw a drink at someone who is both electronically endowed AND wearing couture. In that case, they probably deserve it.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on December 7, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Paul Constant 28
@16: I always keep my phone in my front breast pocket. Pretty sure it would wind up soaked if someone tossed a full pint at my face area.

I have had a water thrown in my face. An ex of mine got mad when she got carded and wasn't allowed into a bar. I came out from the bar to find out what was going on, she threw the contents of her water bottle in my face while screaming at me, and then she ran away. She was an actress. We were not together long after that, but I have to admit that I'm glad someone threw a drink in my face, just like I'm glad I got to throw pies into people's faces one time. Sometimes, life should be just like the movies.
Posted by Paul Constant http:// on December 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM · Report this
Two stories--the first was my mom, throwing her gin and tonic in the face of her drunk brother-in-law who'd just made a too-complimentary comment about her ass. This being the late 60s, it was waved away as "he'd had too much to drink" and "wasn't she a feisty little lady."
The second was me, sober and furious as a sophomore in college, throwing a plastic cup of vodka in the face of my boyfriend's roommate. I don't even remember what specifically that asshole said, just that he deserved it.

Posted by alight on December 7, 2012 at 10:31 AM · Report this
Mary P. Traverse 30
In college I poured a root beer over a boyfriend's head, but I've never thrown a drink in someone's face. Now I want to!
Posted by Mary P. Traverse on December 7, 2012 at 10:32 AM · Report this
internet_jen 31
Super drunk at a bar, friends going to away to law school party. Some douche didn't believe that I was drinking water form a PBR tall boy can. Then he said something like "someone needs to control their bitch", so I splashed water from it on his face. And then minutes later I didn't remember doing it which made him livid. First and only time I've ever done that.
Posted by internet_jen on December 7, 2012 at 10:35 AM · Report this
i work security at a concert venue, i learned the hard way to first take someone's drink from them before you try to evict them from the premisses... i'm in general mostly just happy when its only the drink flung at my face and not the glass too.
curious related bouncer story, all this "i'm sorry, i was so drunk, i didnt know what i was doing" people almost always manage to wait until I or a co-worker retrieve their jackets from the cloackroom before they attempt to punch me, spit at me or kick the (steel) doors.... guess its a very selective "i was so drunk i didnt know what i was doing" drunk i always say.
Posted by dutchie on December 7, 2012 at 10:38 AM · Report this
stinky 33
Nobody throws a Sazarac.
Posted by stinky on December 7, 2012 at 10:51 AM · Report this
Old friends in town, went out on the town, late night stop at dicks, dear friend kept bugging me to eat, not take a nap.there I was, sleeping away in the back of a rental car, he begins poking me and sticking his French fry in my ear. I asked for a drink of his milkshake and let him have it right in the face. Strawberry. It was priceless. Not my finest moment but it did feel great. Avis was not amused.
Posted by Headlikeahole on December 7, 2012 at 10:52 AM · Report this
Estey 36
My favorite story like this is about a friend of mine who was a really great writer (and is now an editor at an alt-weekly), who had grown up in a rough area of Detroit. He had been a skinhead when he was younger and had done several years in the military before getting out and publishing probably the best 'zine I'd ever read. One night he was drinking with a writer's group we were both members of, near a table of more mainstream, status-conscious journalists and poets. One in particular began baiting him, and he let it slide for awhile, and then quickly, briefly, cruelly mocked the guy for the cursory and callow quality of his prose. I forget what he said because of what happened next: The offended writer from the other group stood up, walked over, and punched my comrade in the face. My friend just sat there for a minute, blood dribbling out of his nose, picked up his glass of Scotch, drank a little, and then laughed. The other guy got so furious he ran out of the bar.
Posted by Estey on December 7, 2012 at 10:54 AM · Report this
@21 -- and assault too, if they see it coming...
Posted by davidcon on December 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM · Report this
well_now 38
I was dating a guy who left for a year to study abroad. We broke up before he left, and tried to stay friends. He wrote me a lot from abroad, and told me he still had feelings for me. We agreed to talk it over when he got back to the states. When he finally got back, we had beers. Then again. And again- no talking about us. Finally, one night he invited some friends to happy hour, but only two came to meet him- one of them was me. The other? When she got up to go to the bathroom, he turns to me and says "So... that's my new girlfriend." I had a drink in my hand- it was decent scotch. I considered throwing it in his face and walking out, but I thought that I would regret it later. Indeed, to this day, I REGRET NOT THROWING MY SCOTCH IN HIS FACE. We're pretty good buds now, but still. That was probably my one chance, and I'm convinced that it would have been justifiable.
Posted by well_now on December 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
deadrose 39
At a Helios Creed concert at the Mab many years ago. I was standing next to the stage when Helios came over, leaned down... and bit my neck painfully hard. He tried the same maneuver on the woman next to me, who threw her drink in his face. He didn't try to bite anyone else that show.
Posted by deadrose on December 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
biju 40
Posted by biju on December 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
Late night RoseBud DB sat down spouting racial slurs, out of nowhere, at a table of asian ladies. Uncomfortable as it was everyone on the patio thought it would pass. Persisent son of a bitch. He continued..furious, I stood up poured my drink into his face and told him what I thought of him. All the while hoping he wasnt going to punch me in the face! If he was verbally abusing a table of ladies, what was going to stop him from punching tje girl who threw a drink in his face!
Posted by LunaDancer on December 7, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
treacle 42
Eech. I was in a fight with my girlfriend and trying my damndest to answer her complaints and also de-escalate the situation, to no avail. I finally said "Please, let's talk about this in the morning, when we're sober. Please come to bed." She refused and wanted to keep fighting. I got into bed. Then she threw her drink on me. I kicked her out back to her place. That was the beginning of the end.
Posted by treacle on December 7, 2012 at 11:21 AM · Report this
onion 43
i sorta did this once. i walk four blocks to a bus stop every morning. i cross a big intersection - 5 lanes. there are two right turn lanes. often, as i'm crossing, the right turners want to turn right on red because wow! they see no cars coming! however there's me, the pedestrian, using the crosswalk in front of them (i have the green, AND the blinking walk signal). these right turners often don't remember the pedestrian, and start to zoom through the crosswalk. people often almost hit me. one time a guy in his SUV, hurrying to get to work, came within inches of me and was SOOOOO surprised to GASP see a pedestrian right there virtually on top of his hood!
I got so mad I tossed the whole mug of coffee that I was carrying onto his windshield. It sure FELT like I had tossed it onto his face.
The look on his face as he turned on his windshield wipers was priceless.
Posted by onion on December 7, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
I had a friend throw a drink in my face at Brass in 2005. Fortunately he was already quite drunk and hadn't realized that we'd gotten the waitress to bring him a "martini" that was just water in a cocktail glass.

After he threw it I broke out laughing.
Posted by Tyler Pierce on December 7, 2012 at 11:35 AM · Report this
Foghorn Leghorn 45
I haven't, because while cool, it's technically battery and will probably then lead to more battery. On you. BATTERAY!…
Posted by Foghorn Leghorn on December 7, 2012 at 11:36 AM · Report this
One of my exes once thew a glass of red wine at me while we were still together. Including the glass.

I dodged it, but we weren't going to get the security deposit back on that apartment.
Posted by Tyler Pierce on December 7, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
mr. herriman 47
does ice water count? c'mon, it was high school.

i marched up to this very popular guy who had been bullying me and my boyfriend over a period of time, but quite egregiously that morning, and threw the whole cup in his face (in front of all his friends) and yelled loudly, "that's for the cracks you made about my boyfriend, ASSHOLE!" he promptly grabbed me by the neck and threw me up against a locker and called me a fucking whore. i don't exactly remember how it all ended, it happened so fast, but yeah.
Posted by mr. herriman on December 7, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
warreno 48
I once threw a drink in my own face when a particularly cute guy walked past me and I needed to cool off a little.

This amused my friends.
Posted by warreno on December 7, 2012 at 11:43 AM · Report this
mr. herriman 49
@48 that's funny :D

i did fall asleep sitting up in bed with a glass of wine once, and with a really hearty twitch, threw the glass all over myself. mostly my face but it went everywhere. whoops.
Posted by mr. herriman on December 7, 2012 at 11:48 AM · Report this
Back when the drinking age in Idaho was still 19 I got in a crazy bar fight and hit over the head with a bottle. It did not break like in the movies. It went "KONK!" and blood proceeded to flow into my eyes. I heard this preceded with the words "Fuck you! Nez!" (I learned later this was the local red neck slang for native Nez Perce). I got in a shot or two and then crawled under a table to die.

A women later helped me up and threw a drink in my face to clean up all the blood and to wake me up to the fact I'd better get outta there. I did.

A shot gun blew out the front door about 90 seconds later.

I shit you not.
Posted by tkc on December 7, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
Breklor 51
I am sufficiently amused by this, Megan, to offer to let you throw a drink in my face. Water, please, unless you give me notice to bring spare clothes :) heck, I could even return water (that's like returning fire, I guess, but with water) if you like. Maybe at a Slog event? We could argue about hockey or cupcakes or something. It's not a fetish or anything; the concept just amuses me, as I have never been a drink-thrower nor a drink-target...
Posted by Breklor on December 7, 2012 at 12:01 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 52
@10 FTW!
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on December 7, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 53
Ralph Nader apparently gets drinks thrown in his face a lot. And, before you blame this on disgruntled Gore supporters, I've heard stories dating back to at least the early '80s.
Posted by keshmeshi on December 7, 2012 at 12:27 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 55
Paul (@28),

That was the one scenario (device in breast pocket coupled with thrown drink being a full pint) I'd thought of that could be problematic for the throwee. Given the rarity of that scenario -- seriously, I don't think I know anyone else who keeps a phone in that pocket -- I think you should feel free to throw drinks at will.
Posted by mikethehammer on December 7, 2012 at 12:58 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 56

I'd log out and comment anonymously too if I was going to say something as inane as "I know you are but what am I?"
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on December 7, 2012 at 1:00 PM · Report this
In Paris ~2003, at a Brazilian bar called Favela Chic that was so crowded and hot and sweaty that the bar tenders regularly hosed down the crowd with water from behind the bar. We were all sloppy drunk and my date kept buying me caipirinhas, which were pretty expensive. I guess I decided I'd had enough to drink so the last one he bought me, I just poured it all down his chest instead of imbibing it. I thought it was so funny. He didn't seem to mind. It certainly didn't slow us down any...
Posted by two shoes on December 7, 2012 at 1:00 PM · Report this
The "class clown" threw a cup of champagne in my face as I walked into a New Year's party in high school. This was the 1980s, and I wore so much makeup that the champagne kind of beaded up and started to fizzle on my pancaked skin in this weird, creepy, sizzley way. He was like "hahahaha! …Oh." I was mortified.
Posted by mitten on December 7, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
I did it once during my final year of undergrad. I was dancing with my boyfriend at the time, and some huge frat-bro kept aggressively grabbing me and grinding up against my ass. After repeatedly telling him to stop touching me and physically pushing him away, I realized he wasn't going to get the hint. So the next time he humped me I "accidentally" spilled my huge vodka and cranberry all over his light colored shirt. He got pissed, but then some random 5 foot tall drunk girl in a black mini dress got in between us and started screaming at him about how he's a cad, and then the rest of his frat bros physically dragged him away. All of this unfolded during the song Empire State of Mind, so I think of it every time I hear it.

No regrets. Especially since it was $1.50 wells night.
Posted by BlagHag on December 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM · Report this
I was eating alone at one of the nicer restaurants in Seattle, which will remain unnamed. It was a delicious meal, but near the end of it, a man I did not recognize came up to me very suddenly and aggressively. He said I owed him money, and had been dodging him, and that he was very disappointed to see me eating such an expensive meal, when I hadn't payed him.

I told him I'd never seen him before in my life, that I didn't know what he was talking about, and he started getting furious. He started speaking a foreign language I didn't recognize, yelling and gesticulating wildly. All the waitstaff was ignoring him. So I tried to diffuse the situation. I asked him to sit down and tell me who he thought I was and what he thought he owed me.

So he sat down and told me I was a name I'd never heard before. "Nate." Not my name. He told me I borrowed money from him and then disappeared, leaving behind an abandoned apartment. He said we could straighten this out if I payed him right away, but otherwise he was not the kind of person to owe money too. I showed him my ID, not Nate, but he was sure I was Nate. The waiter came over and left my coffee. The man said "So, are you gonna pay me?"

Well hell no I wasn't. So I told him to fuck right off, and he splashed coffee all over my face. Then he started hitting me right in the middle of the restaurant. Giving me a proper mafia beatdown in front of everyone. I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover, and I'm rich, so I said, "fine, I'll pay, how much?"

Then he said "About tree fiddy." It was at that time I noticed he wasn't a mafioso Joe Pesci copycat, but a 500 ft tall monster from the paleolithic era. So I said "God Damn Loch Ness Monster, I ain't givin' you no tree fiddy."
Posted by SpGNo on December 7, 2012 at 2:03 PM · Report this
Jason Josephes 61
If water counts, I have a story. And I will try to keep this brief:

In September of 1995, I was living in Tampa, because I was a 23 year old moron. I moved there to be with a girl who was cheating on me with both another man and a woman. And she was doing heroin. (Proof that I was a moron: I was more bothered by the cheating.) We lived with her mom.

It was a typical co-dependant psychological warfare kind of relationship. Which means that every now and again, things were great. She loved me and wouldn't shut up about it. I felt loved. And everybody was happy. Until her next outburst. One night, she showed up at my workplace to claim her car from me, which she needed to go score some drugs. The security guard in the building couldnt find me at first because I was in the bathroom, so I was late getting word that she was waiting for me at the front desk. When I got there, she served me a verbal dressdown and name calling combo platter in front of this guard. I gave her the keys while constantly apologizing for... I don't know. Going to the bathroom I guess. When I got back to my desk, I was suddenly angry. I'd been angry a lot of the time we were together. It was what we did.

I left work a few hours early and made it back to her mom's house. The girl wasn't there, still off scoring drugs. I had calmed down some and, when she came home, I decided to have a nice friendly talk with her. I walked down the hall to her room -- oh, yeah, even though we were dating, we had to have separate rooms, not because of her mom but because she was into control and mind games -- and when I saw her sitting on her bed, the calm that had come over me vanished. And for the first time in our nine month long relationship/war/whatever it was, I screamed at her. I yelled at her that if she ever tried embarrassing me in front of people like that, I was leaving. (Again, I didn't even yell at her when she cheated on me with various people. I just cried a lot.)

Anyhow, at first she cowered in fear (which made me feel like an asshole for about half a second) then she tried to kick me. (She had hit me a couple of weeks before when I called her out on her heroin habit. I did not hit back because I'm no dummy, just a punching bag.) I had a glass of water in my hand. I threw the contents -- but not the glass -- at her. It hit her right in the face. She jumped up, grabbed a stick or broomhandle of some sort and started chasing me down the hall, swinging it madly and screaming about how she was sorry and she just wanted to come home and be nice to me and how dare I get mad at her, and then she starts crying and her mom has to comfort her saying that she's not such a bad person and she's been doing better (because mom had no idea she was just out scoring heroin in a neighborhood where, a month previous, three teenagers were shot to death over a dime bag of marijuana.) I felt like a real jerk because I... well, I don't know. It was such a twisted, horrible relationship. Thankfully, I have never had one like it since.

I moved back home a couple of weeks later. Never did marry that girl, either.
Posted by Jason Josephes on December 7, 2012 at 2:10 PM · Report this
aardvark 62
No surprise. I've got one for yall. And it's a double.

M, are you reading?

Flowers, circa 2004. Having a drink with a perpetual friend of friends, someone I could never quite click with. I concede a sensitive secret- that I have the hots big-time for her best friend, a renown beauty. In fact, I was secretly dating her friend at the time (fucking, living with, the works). She looks at me and laughs in my face and says "Do you know how many guys are in line to date X??" (I did, as I'd known X for years. But it was my time damnit.) So this just basically pressed my button, hard. I proceeded to tell her what I've wanted to say for a long time but never articulated. I looked her in the eye across the table and told her, calmly the first time, "M, you are a fucking bitch." Then my calm eroded a bit because it felt so good to say. The next one was more stern. "M. You are a fucking BITCH." God that felt good. One more time. "M. You are a FUCKING BITCH."

About 2 seconds passed, eye to eye stare down. Next thing I knew I had a full pint of Elysian in my face. Hmm. Confusion. So I threw me full pint of water in her face. Walked out. Started the walk back to the Hill, but luckily a friend was driving by with his girlfriend and picked me up. A girlfriend he stole from me, but that's another story and no drinks were thrown in that one.

M, if you are reading, hope you are well. I definitely am!
Posted by aardvark on December 7, 2012 at 2:40 PM · Report this
Estey 63
@61 I am first in line for the Jason Josephes autobio / memoir / names changed to protect himself legally "novel."
Posted by Estey on December 7, 2012 at 3:05 PM · Report this
julie russell 64
Surprisingly, No. But I did once wet the bed while crashed out w/ 2 of my male housemates in college. While wearing a T shirt that said " you're soaking in it"...and yes, yes we all were
Posted by julie russell http:// on December 7, 2012 at 3:45 PM · Report this
Wait, seriously? 65
Cool story, bro.
You both sound like mature and well-adjusted adults.
Posted by Wait, seriously? on December 7, 2012 at 3:50 PM · Report this
aardvark 66
@65. Part of the growing up process I guess. That was when we were in our early 20s, so sure. Nice of you to be a condescending prick though.
Posted by aardvark on December 7, 2012 at 5:31 PM · Report this
I've thrown a drink in someones face once. Here is the story from the eBook version of my book, The Best Party Ever - How to Throw a House Party. This is one of the four Random Party Stories in the book;

Every year I host a Super Bowl party. In the invite I used to put a warning that the party was not for the timid. Things could get pretty wild and the language was sure to offend. This party was the one time of the year that my brother Brad and I would really let loose. One year my brother started a small food fight in my basement. Another year we had fun breaking bottles. Not in a hostile way I assure you—there is no arguing or fighting at my parties. No, we broke bottles for fun. Like most wild events someone was bound to go and ruin things. Little did I know that person would be me.

My liquor of choice that day was tequila. I started out with a few beers to coat my stomach. It wasn’t long before I was walking around the party with a tray full of shots, limes and salt; trying to get as many people as I could to take a tequila shot. During the third round I ended up in front of my brother’s good friend Bill. He wouldn’t take a shot with me, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was a Mexican standoff. I don’t know why but I thought it would be a good idea to throw the shot in his face. For some reason Bill didn’t go to the next five or six parties.

From there things just got worse. I stood on my deck throwing bottles against the rocks on our hill. Apparently when my brother isn’t breaking bottles with me it’s not fun. Well, at least that’s what people told me.

It was around that time that I took off running and did a back flip into my hot tub; which was full of people. Nobody was happy with that move. They were yelling things like, “You could have broken your neck you idiot!” In my mind they were high-fiving me.

Later that evening after everyone left, I was lying on the couch watching TV with my brother and my roommate. For some reason I didn’t feel very well. Probably something I ate. My brother looked at me with displeasure; got up off the couch, walked over and slapped me hard across my face. Without saying a word he walked back over to his seat and continued to watch TV. What makes this funny now is because my family is very passive. At the time I didn’t see the humor in it.

A few weeks later I was listening to Howard Stern. At one point in the show Howard chastised Ronnie-the-limo-driver for disrespecting guests at a block party Ronnie helped throw. Howard let Ronnie have it for a solid half hour. He ripped him up one end and out the other, but it felt like Howard was talking to me. I pulled my car over and sat like a boy getting punished in the principles office. “What the hell were you thinking?’ What the hell indeed? I vowed right then and there never to drink tequila at a party again.
Posted by MarkusTaylor on December 7, 2012 at 5:56 PM · Report this
Looking For a Better Read 69
@20 - you poured a beer over a girl's head simply because you could? And then you and your pals got a good laugh about it? And now you're bragging about it? You sound like quite a lovely person.
Posted by Looking For a Better Read on December 8, 2012 at 9:55 AM · Report this
yucca flower 70
Once, when I was a kid I dropped a glass of ice water in someone's lap. I saw a creep verbally abusing his girlfriend/wife at a restaurant. They were at another table and total strangers. His loud harassment was disturbing everyone's meal in the place and the staff disappeared into the back and refused to deal. While the grown ups were having a whisper debate on what should be done, I stood up and walked over to their table and I dropped a glass of ice water in his lap. He shut up immediately. I spun on heel and returned to my family's table. The waitstaff miraculously reappeared and normal conversation resumed. They paid their bill and left (I think separately) and nothing was ever said about it.
Posted by yucca flower on December 8, 2012 at 2:46 PM · Report this
Griffin 71
Back in the day when my parents were dating, my dad took my mom to see "The Great Gatsby" in the theatre. Her reaction was to dump her post-movie milkshake over his head. The story still gets pulled out at parties some 40-odd years later.

I once dumped a drink on someone--a random popped-collar jock with a baseball cap just so on his head, who thought it would be funny to grab my ass hard enough to leave a bruise while I was in a crowded bar in Iowa City. His beloved hat got knocked to the floor and his polo was soaked with, if I recall correctly, whiskey and cola. And then the bouncer kicked him out.
Posted by Griffin on December 9, 2012 at 10:38 PM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 72
I've never thrown a drink, but a friend of mine back in college, out on a date, was told by the guy who'd asked her out that he'd brought her to this particular restaurant because he didn't want to be seen with her in public, because everyone at school knew what a skank she was. She threw her drink in his face.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on December 10, 2012 at 4:07 PM · Report this
I was at an Xmas party with my fiancé and some broad who works with him was flirting with him right in front of me. Of course me being a lady drinking wine in a glass, I let her have it by politely going up to her and telling her in her ear to not come near me or my fiancé again. She turned around and said "what?!" "You heard me" I replied, she then put her hands on me and shoved me really hard. I responded to a quick swift swing of my glass of red wine right in her face! Bitch deserved it and I stood up for love. Lol seriously though, you should have seen the look on the sluts face. Priceless!
Posted by DeliciousD on March 6, 2014 at 2:25 PM · Report this
My live-in partner/boyfriend just threw a glass of wine in my face then went to bed in the spare room. I hate him now and he can go as soon as.
Posted by snowmoonelk on September 4, 2014 at 3:21 PM · Report this

Add a comment

Commenting on this item is available only to registered commenters.