This is Marco Rubios supposed First Communion certificate. (Click to enlarge.)
  • This is "Marco Rubio's" supposed "First Communion certificate." ("Click" to "enlarge.")
The presumptive vice presidential nominee is fighting back against dastardly charges that he was a Mormon for a couple of months longer than he was actually a Mormon:

Senator Marco Rubio's staff is disputing a section of a new biography that suggests that Rubio, as a boy, was a Mormon until the family returned to Miami.

A Rubio spokesman sends over a document to back up the Senator's recollection, is that he returned to the Catholic Church while his family still lived in Las Vegas. The document shows Rubio was baptized into the Catholic Church as a baby in 1971, and given first communion at age 13 in December of 1984.

I, for one, think it's quite suspicious that the Rubio campaign hasn't released this certificate up until now. What have they got to hide? And I see some telltale signs of Photoshop. Look at the pixels! You can see clear signs of manipulation around the edges and on the "seal," which doesn't look official to me. And that quote from John has several discrepancies with other translations: "which" in place of "that," along with "whoever eats..." with "if any man eat..." Is there perhaps some kind of a code, here? Something to do with a plan to ensure that young Marco Rubio, aged 13, winds up as vice president of the United States?

Man, does anyone with Photoshop want to help investigate this certificate a little further? I wonder if the layers of this document might reveal some sort of tampering? This could go all the way up to the Vatican. You know who's in charge of the Vatican? A Nazi. Let's blow the cover off this one, people!