Ann Romney and Mitt Romney are taking the stage, along with a young-looking Romney robot. Ann tells the audience to "behave" while she lists the people the campaign would like to thank. "Let's see if you can get this right." Wow. Snotty much, lady? "Thank you to our wonderful surrogates. Donald Trump!" Big cheers. "Tim Pawlenty." Crickets. And so on. "And finally, thank you Kid Rock." She says they were campaigning in the last week from "the tip of the mitt"—Romney points to the top of his head, and Ann says "I'd better be careful." She almost made a dick joke about her husband in front of a roomful of Michiganders! And now it's Mitt's turn.
"Great victory in Arizona tonight, and thank you Michigan, what a win! Thank you guys!" Romney says "the pundits and the pollsters were ready to call us out." "This is the place where I was born and this is the place where I was raised." He says he considers "the Michiganders in this room our family." He says they didn't win by a lot, but they did win, and that's all that matters. "Last week, I unveiled a very bold economic plan," he says. (That's the one that shoots his previous economic plan in the foot, by the way.) Romney says people told him he couldn't speak honestly, but "I did, and I will." He says he'll lead with integrity and courage. "It's about restoring honor and promise."
Romney rails against a faltering economy. He says Obama likes to remind us that he inherited the economy, but he didn't fix the economy or the housing crisis. "It's time to get off that path and back on the path to American prosperity." "When he's not spending our money or infringing on our rights, he's running for president." Romney says Obama thinks he's in the top four presidents. He says he could think of a different place for Obama, and that we need "a recovery from this recovery." (Gotta hand it to him—that's a good line.) Romney says we're going to get Obama out of the White House "and back where he belongs." Romney says he'll make government "simpler, smaller, and smarter." He says he'll repeal Obamacare. He promises to restore our AAA credit rating. "He rejected the Keystone Pipeline. I'll get us the oil from Canada that we deserve." Obama, Romney says, wants to raise your taxes. Romney will repeal "the death tax." He says he'll lower the corporate tax to 25%. He says he'll bring offshore money back to America. Like, um, Mitt Romney's offshore money?
Romney says he is going to "save Medicare and Social Security." He reminds us that he was "the steward of the Olympics" and was in business for 25 years. He downplays his time as governor of Massachusetts. He says this election is a choice between a nation "of and by Washington," or of and by the people." Romney, who is worth a quarter billion dollars, asks a roomful of Michiganders to donate to his campaign. And that's it.
This wasn't Mitt's worst performance for sure. He seemed relaxed (that's Romney-relaxed, mind you, not human-relaxed) and he didn't mention his competitors at all. He's back to playing the front-runner as he maneuvers into Super Tuesday, spit-polishing his inevitability message and getting back behind it.