Monday, February 13, 2012
Video of the Day Whitney Is Dead, And So Is Hollywood
Posted by Kelly O on Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 12:10 PM
Dear Hollywood: I'm sorry you've run out of ideas for films. I know this was a novel first, but still... (Sigh).
The real-life figure Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States (1861—1865), is fictionally portrayed in the novel and the film as having a secret identity as a vampire hunter. Benjamin Walker stars as Lincoln. Filming began in Louisiana in March 2011, and the film is being produced in 3D.
5
And yet it's still better than 90% of the drek that has come out of Hollywood for the past decade.
I mean come on they made how many Alvin and the Chipmunks movies? Twilight? The Justin Beiber movie?
This is at least a hilarious idea.
I mean come on they made how many Alvin and the Chipmunks movies? Twilight? The Justin Beiber movie?
This is at least a hilarious idea.
7
There has been so many movies much worse than this silly thing. (And much better, too: Look up Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter for some excellent Canadian cheese!)
8
Well, it's Tim Burton, the Michael Bay of filming exteriors inside the sound stage, so crap is to be expected.
Seems like it's trying to go for the hip action movie Sherlock Holmes effect.
Seems like it's trying to go for the hip action movie Sherlock Holmes effect.
10
Why the hating on a vampire hunting Lincoln? Really, of all the sequels and crappy romantic "comedies" slated for the next few moths, why pick on something that on paper at least looks remotely original.
14
And frankly, for pure shlock, I think Iron Sky (the upcoming Nazis-on-the-moon flick) will have this beat by a mile.
Yup, Hollywood's dead, alright.
Yup, Hollywood's dead, alright.
16
uh, you're aware this was a book first, right?
and, I'd be more excited about it, if it didn't have such shitty looking CGI...it looks like a cheap ass video game.
and, I'd be more excited about it, if it didn't have such shitty looking CGI...it looks like a cheap ass video game.
17
Frankly, I'm excited to see some cheese tossed into the arena. This trailer did its job and made me excited to see the film.
18
They make movies like this because the American viewing audience is made up of mouthbreathers with a mental and emotional age of five. Zombies! Vampires! Kick to the gonads! Kaboom!
I'll betcha a million bucks somewhere a couple of guys are trying to throw together a project about My Little Pony aimed at frat dudes, because that's a thing now, somewhere on the internet. Meanwhile, no one in Hollywood has any idea who Sally Hawkins is.
I'll betcha a million bucks somewhere a couple of guys are trying to throw together a project about My Little Pony aimed at frat dudes, because that's a thing now, somewhere on the internet. Meanwhile, no one in Hollywood has any idea who Sally Hawkins is.
19
If only they'd instead invested that creatve capital in a sequel to something, or a raunchy Judd Apatow dudebro comedy, or a reboot of a recently rebooted superhero franchise.
20
Actually that looks ok. The book was a fun, well-done and properly ridiculous read. I was worried they'd horribly fuck it up but this looks like it might work.
What's not to like?
a) It is not a remake of anything directly, and particularly a beloved classic trotted out like some zombified can-can girl to dance while we all throw popcorn and pennies at it.
b) It is not a popular comic character "reimagined".
"You can only yank back his football so many times... Summer 2012...Peanuts...Good Grief..."
c) It's not a "edgy" romantic comedy starring well know romantic comedy actors as "friends" who are trying to have a 21st century relationship but ultimately cannot handle monogamish, finally marrying and living happy little lives. Also the woman has a gay friend. The guy has a mildly homophobic 'bro. This is mandatory.
d) It is not based on a board game. That should be enough right there.
"Catan was an idyllic land, then The Robber came.... 'Without wood how will we be able to build our village?' 'I don't know daughter, I just don't know....' 'I'll trade you a stone for three sheep.' That's usury, but we have to build the City before winter comes!'...Settlers...2012"
d) It will teach kids more US history than they are apparently learning nowadays.
e) Abraham.
f) Lincoln.
g) Vampire Hunter.
Cons:
It's f-ing PG13 apparently. God dammit. Though to be fair, naked Mary Todd Lincoln... *shudder*
What's not to like?
a) It is not a remake of anything directly, and particularly a beloved classic trotted out like some zombified can-can girl to dance while we all throw popcorn and pennies at it.
b) It is not a popular comic character "reimagined".
"You can only yank back his football so many times... Summer 2012...Peanuts...Good Grief..."
c) It's not a "edgy" romantic comedy starring well know romantic comedy actors as "friends" who are trying to have a 21st century relationship but ultimately cannot handle monogamish, finally marrying and living happy little lives. Also the woman has a gay friend. The guy has a mildly homophobic 'bro. This is mandatory.
d) It is not based on a board game. That should be enough right there.
"Catan was an idyllic land, then The Robber came.... 'Without wood how will we be able to build our village?' 'I don't know daughter, I just don't know....' 'I'll trade you a stone for three sheep.' That's usury, but we have to build the City before winter comes!'...Settlers...2012"
d) It will teach kids more US history than they are apparently learning nowadays.
e) Abraham.
f) Lincoln.
g) Vampire Hunter.
Cons:
It's f-ing PG13 apparently. God dammit. Though to be fair, naked Mary Todd Lincoln... *shudder*
24
The biggest problem Hollywood has in this instance is 3D. Fucking 3D needs to go fuck itself. Fuck! Get off my fucking lawn!
25
@21--That's right! I knew I'd heard of this somewhere.
JK Simmons is so funny in that one I laugh until it hurts.
JK Simmons is so funny in that one I laugh until it hurts.
27
@25, all he has to do any more is cock an eyebrow and I pee my pants laughing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAhbqjI4r…
ROMAN: FYI, I wouldn’t pay to see Edgar Allen Poe fight vampires sober.Some lovely person did a supercut of his phone threats for YouTube, too:
STILTSKIN: Nobody gives a shit what you think, dick.
ROMAN: People care what I think! I have a prestigious blog, sir!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAhbqjI4r…
28
Why not make a Dr. McNinja movie instead? Thomas Jefferson is a time traveler, Abraham Lincoln is briefly shown fending off a woolly mammoth with his chainsaw, and McNinja himself not only stakes a vampire or two but then proceeds to punch Dracula and surf a robo-Dracula from Dracula's moon fortress back to the Earth.
31
PresidentLincoln freed the slaves, preserved the Union, and ushered in the transcontinental railroad.
That's not enough for you people? Lincoln's got to kill vampires, too? He's gotta take on Buffy's job, as well?
That's not enough for you people? Lincoln's got to kill vampires, too? He's gotta take on Buffy's job, as well?
32
@31: I love Buffy as much as the next man, but in a grudge match between the Waif-fu powers of Buffy, and a giant bearded man with a wood axe, Abraham Fuckin' Lincoln is going to win by many, many severed heads.
34
Is Johnny Depp in it? Does Helena Bonham Carter play Mary Todd? She could bring just the right amount of crazy to the role.
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