Monday, February 13, 2012
Gay Marriage Stranger Tournament of Dunces, The Final Four (Round 2)
Posted by Eli Sanders on Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 10:58 AM
![[Click to enlarge.]](http://www.thestranger.com/binary/f507/1329156887-bracket3-big.jpg "[Click to enlarge.]")
- [Click to enlarge.]
Rodne vs. Shea is running right here. And here's the other Final Four match-up. Voting closes at 3 p.m.!
Mark "A Jack in the Box Commercial Told Me How to Vote Today" Hargrove...
...versus Bill "Remember Holy Russia" Hinkle
2
No shenanigans - nothing can top "But this Jack and the Box commercial!" for sheer, utter, unrelenting dumbfuckery.
3
Yeah there is no way that jack in the box dumbfuck shouldn't win the championship. Place your bets now!
6
Hargrove's jack-in-the-box epiphany may well be tacky and demeaning, but it isn't very strange to me: he's describing his gut-reaction and he is voting on that gut reaction. His opposition isn't some thought-out logical process; he just doesn't like gay marriage. I'm guessing that stance would apply to many of our state's opponents of marriage equality.
Hinkle is either just making shit up or actually is as stupid as he sounds. He's trying to craft some sort of pseudo-historical anti-communist nostalgia bomb and ends up sounding like the most exhausting professor/pastor/counselor you can imagine.
He also calls his allies' speeches "profound", which might trump everything else in dumbass-ery.
Hargrove does not pretend to know anything- he is just unapologetically bigoted against same-sex couples and their children. Hinkle pretends to know everything.
Hinkle is either just making shit up or actually is as stupid as he sounds. He's trying to craft some sort of pseudo-historical anti-communist nostalgia bomb and ends up sounding like the most exhausting professor/pastor/counselor you can imagine.
He also calls his allies' speeches "profound", which might trump everything else in dumbass-ery.
Hargrove does not pretend to know anything- he is just unapologetically bigoted against same-sex couples and their children. Hinkle pretends to know everything.
7
Unlike a bunch of these races, Hargrove's district is fairly close: east Kent, Covington, Auburn. A few hours volunteering could make a difference. Don't know who is running against him but I'll bet these guys could steer a few dollars in the right direction:
47th District Democrats, P.O. Box 5023, Kent, WA 98064-5023.
47th District Democrats, P.O. Box 5023, Kent, WA 98064-5023.
8
Hargrove's argument is just so award-winningly dumb. I mean, wouldn't that Mom have a similarly "crest fallen" look if her son came home with the news that he was going to war? Shouldn't Hargrove then advocate cutting off all war funding as a response? What if the son told her that he was about to eat a live lizard? Would the Mom think "it was not the best choice for him?" Would Hargrove then advocate eradicating lizards? The argument is just awful, and his faith in it is ludicrous. This guy deserves to win. I mean lose. I mean he should just SHUT UP already.
9
It always comes back to the "choice" versus "who I am" question, really. Both these men believe we woke up and chose gay over straight.
Nonetheless, Hargrove comparing same-sex marriage to a bacon cheeseburger tops anything Hinkle had to say about Russia.
Nonetheless, Hargrove comparing same-sex marriage to a bacon cheeseburger tops anything Hinkle had to say about Russia.
10
Jesus H. Christ on a cracker, my fucking representative is going to win. *hiding my head in shame* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
11
This one's a real tough call. I feel like these two should have been highly rated coming in and placed in separate brackets, because this could have been the championship round.
Anyway, I guess I have to give it to Hargrove for the sheer idiocy of setting himself up for a lifetime of "You can't haz gay cheeseburger" jokes.
Anyway, I guess I have to give it to Hargrove for the sheer idiocy of setting himself up for a lifetime of "You can't haz gay cheeseburger" jokes.
13
This guy's gonna win because of that Jack-in-the-Box comment? Ugh, it was silly, but there were much more moronic things said by Bill -- from a more nefarious personality -- just not as amusing. Looks like Mark will win this whole thing because of his injudicious anecdote. Are people really listening to these speeches?
14
Hargrove is more laughably dumb, but he's dumb in a rhetorical sense. He's trying to connect to people and to prove to them that his point of view is ingrained in the culture, and he thought a (really stupid) television ad would help him do those things.
Hinkle... He revealed a stupidity that goes to the core, a stupidity that longs to violate the constitutional freedom of religion. It's not as funny, but its more baldly deplorable.
Hinkle... He revealed a stupidity that goes to the core, a stupidity that longs to violate the constitutional freedom of religion. It's not as funny, but its more baldly deplorable.
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