The Super Bowl is on Sunday. As you know.
The Super Bowl is on Sunday. As you know. EQRoy / Shutterstock.com

For the first time in literally years (two, literally, two years) the Seahawks will not be playing in the Super Bowl. Instead we get the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos in a matchup of (1) a team that plays like the Seahawks and (2) a team that the Seahawks thrashed in the Super Bowl two years ago. Oh man that was so great. Hold on a second while I relish those memories.

Mmmmmmmm.

Yeah.

All right.

Ohhhh yeah.

Hahahaha.

Okay, cool, back.

So who's going to win this non-Seahawk infested Super Bowling affair? Obviously the Panthers? Well maybe not.

See, this Broncos team is spectacularly different than the one the Seahawks beat by upwards of 200 points probably in Super Bowl 48. While Peyton Manning is still at quarterback for Denver, the strength of this Broncos team is their defense. Remember when the Seahawks put up 343 points on a hapless Broncos defense? That won't happen this time out.

So the Broncos are different, and the Panthers are, as Michael Bennett once put it, kissing cousins with the Seahawks. So the result could be different yeah?

Well, no.

The Panthers are still better than the Broncos, and they match up really well against the Broncos. If you want to read thousands of words on the subject from the excellent Bill Barnwell, you should do so, but the gist of it is that the Broncos' defensive excellence came from their stout pass rush. The thing about the Panthers is, their complex rush schemes prevent opponents from pinning their ears back and teeing off on the quarterback. The Broncos hit the hell out of Tom Brady, and that earned them the Super Bowl berth. They're unlikely to have the same success against the Panthers.

On the other side of the ball, there's the question of which Broncos passing attack will be on display. The Broncos offense was pretty bad all year long, and the Panthers were very good on defense. The comparison is stark when it comes to passing turnovers. As Kenneth Arthur noted on Twitter, the matchup is simple: the Broncos had the most interceptions thrown this year and the Panthers had the most interceptions caught. Yikes. That said, since Manning has returned from injury in week 17, he's gone three games without throwing a pick. He'll need to avoid turnovers to give his team hope.

Which is to say that the Panthers will probably win, but it's not a sure thing. If the Broncos win the turnover battle and hit Cam Newton a half dozen times they have a good shot. Otherwise? This could look like the last time the Broncos played in the Super Bowl.

That was a fun Super Bowl.

Excuse me while I think about that Super Bowl again for a while.

Oh yeah.

Mmmmmmm.

Super Bowl 48.

Yeahhhhh.

So good.

Okay, I'm back.

So what do you do at a Super Bowl where you don't care about the teams?

I strongly recommend cooking something delicious. Last year I made 12 dips for the Super Bowl and then blacked out the whole game except for my memory of how good Sarah Sprague's Buffalo Chicken dip was. So I'm making that again this year. Spending the morning avoiding the pre game by cooking something awesome and then gorging in the afternoon is a great way to not think about how much the Seahawks aren't playing in the Super Bowl.

I strongly recommend not reading garbage internet articles about the ads that haven't even aired yet. I'm gonna go full Andy Rooney for a second: What the hell is this shit? Articles preparing people to watch ads? What next? Previews of football games that exist only to sell ads? Wait a second...

The biggest thing I recommend is enjoying the game. If you've read to this point you at least kind of care about football. And as of next week there won't be any for months and months. Missing the opportunity to enjoy this game would be a mistake. Blaming it on not having a TV doesn't work—there's a TV in just about every bar in this town and some places are having special Super Bowl parties. And, watching two really good teams go at each other when you have nothing on the line emotionally can also be fun. So watch some damn football. Cook something for a friend. And remember. We're only a year away from the Seahawks being in the Super Bowl again.