Looking for an adequate replacement for the Hepatitis Sea.
Looking for an adequate replacement for "the Hepatitis Sea."

Charles’s “good riddance to the gum wall” post from yesterday has enlivened the discourse about public art in a way none of us ever expected. On one side: people who think Charles is an "insane race baiter":

This latest round of insane race baiting coming from the Slog (the "Restaurant Racist" piece is another that comes to mind) has pretty much killed your publication for me. I certainly hope that you will do something to address this issue with your staff and issue a public retraction—otherwise I'm done with your publication from here on out.

Others think him an “hysterical” “parodist” “asshat,” or a “sad excuse for a writer,” or an undercover “white person who deems themself a progressive liberal.”

Rich Smith thinks he's engaging in pure casuistry.

Facebook, meanwhile, teems with people who are grateful for another opportunity to be reminded of the ways their unchecked prerogatives are made manifest at all turns and at all times.

They call it the internet because it's so interesting!

One question remains unanswered, and indeed, unasked: What will replace the Gum Wall? Are we going to let the techgrammers and brovelopers take away yet another of our beloved art landmarks? How can we honor the heritage of one of this city’s last disease-friendly spaces while lending credence to Charles’s observations about the race-and-class ramifications of such an installation? Never ones to sit on the sidelines while others are doing the heavy lifting, opinion-wise, we here at the Stranger have come up with a few possibilities. Make sure to cast your votes by sundown.

BLOODFLOWER GARDEN
You know the little scabrous bulb of dried blood that encrusts the tip of a hypodermic needle when someone shoots some heroin but forgets to clean as he/she goes? Then you also know the adorable comet tail of viscous blood that sticks to that scab when it goes flying as the hypodermic’s plunger is pushed down to make way for another dose. (Because who has time to go buy another needle—in this economy?) As any junkie (or junkie’s roommate, or landlord) will gladly tell you, the combination of scab and gooey blood will stick to any wall it hits. Even a wall that used to be covered in ABC gum! If the current vogue for intravenous drug use continues to grow, there should be no shortage of contributors up for a little “crowdsourcing.”

LOOGIE OBELISK
They say you can pick your nose but not your friends, but here’s an art project that argues otherwise. Once you’ve hocked it up, where are you going to spit it? Why not the art-site formerly known as the Gum Wall? The winter months are particularly robust ones for phlegm generation in the Pacific NW, and the allergens of spring are waiting in the wings. That means a LOT of public involvement from locals and tourists alike. Plus, the debate is built-in: Some people think it’s gross, others just think it’s snot.

TAMPONUMENT
It’s not often discussed, but most people are aware that menstruation is a very real reality for many, if not most, women. And we’ve all seen the public restroom signs that warn against the flushing of tampons and sanitary napkins. Here’s a solution that embraces the facts of life AND gives a much-needed break to our city’s sewage and waste disposal industries. And if a few men feel left out of the process, well, maybe that’s okay for once?

THE SHITADEL
Combining the rebellious spirit of a political prisoner’s “dirty protest” with the fun romanticism of the padlocks on the Pont des Arts bridge in Paris, this installation will put the powers-that-be on high alert, while helping to dispel the classist myth that Seattle is a bunch of uptight snobs. Can’t find a public restroom? Don’t even want to? As the guys hanging out in your favorite bar like to say: That's not a bug; it's a feature! As the homeless state of emergency continues, this grand collaboration will have no trouble “wiping out” the memory of all that unsanitary gum in no time flat. And if the non-homeless community wants to join in, well, you know what they say: Shit(adel) Happens. (Plus: Who doesn’t love a landmark with lots of nickname potential. MANURE MENHIR, CA-CA COLONNADE, B.M. BULWARK, ORDURE OBELISK, POO PORTICO… Truly, a moveable feast.