Well get back to this in a minute.
We'll get back to this in a minute.

The Mariners opened their season home at Safeco Field for the first time in seven years on Monday, and they did so with genuine hope of making a playoff run for probably only the third time in the past dozen seasons. And both of the previous hopeful years (remembered as the Erik Bedard year and the Cliff Lee year to people like myself who measure time in trades for baseball pitchers) ended with 101 losses. Potentially delicious baseball seasons have a habit of turning to ash in the mouths of Mariners fans, so this home opener was a chance to lick the fruit of baseball and go, “I don’t think this berry is just ash wrapped in berry skin.”

That the Mariners won 4-1 is only part of Monday’s story. Baseball seasons take forever, so Opening Day is both about the game itself and also the (almost meaningless) hints that it provides as to how the upcoming season will go. Let’s read some tea leaves with massively insufficient data, why don’t we?

• Felix Hernandez was exceptionally Felixy on Monday, striking out 10 and giving up only two hits over seven efficient innings. The only bad news for Felix was that one of those hits was off the bat of Angels center fielder Mike Trout. Because Mike Trout is exceptionally good at baseball, that hit was a home run to the deepest part of Safeco Field in the first inning. Mind you, this came during an at-bat in which Trout was fighting to stay alive. Felix missed his target on the fateful pitch by about three inches with a fastball, and well… Mike Trout things happened.

So what does Felix do after conceding a home run to Mike Trout (who was the only truly threatening member of the Angels lineup save for perhaps the ghost of Albert Pujols)? He strikes him out the next two times Trout came up. What does Mike Trout do after striking out a few times in a row? Steals a home run from Austin Jackson at the wall. The Trout/Felix battle was awesome all day long, and is one that we’ll get to see waged all year long with the AL West on the line.

• Austin Jackson laced an RBI double with two outs, which started the Mariners' first scoring rally. Jackson was bad as a Mariner last year, but still has the potential to be good. Him hitting line-drive doubles is a good indicator that good is in the cards.

The man in front of me at the stadium got a batting helmet full of nachos. This in itself is not noteworthy; helmet nachos are an exceptional choice as ballpark food/hat combos go. What is noteworthy is that he ate said nachos using the lid off of a cup of soda. He forgot a fork, and he'd be damned if he was going to go back and get one, so he just went straight lid on a helmet full of nachos. Seriously, look again:

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And he got to the bottom of the helmet! This beat out the National Anthem sung by a Merchant Marine as the most American thing I saw all day.

• Dustin Ackley hit a towering home run on a Jared Weaver slow straight pitch that hung out in the top of the zone. Dustin Ackley destroying mistake pitches would suggest that the good Dustin Ackley who emerged last year (as opposed to the great Dustin Ackley of a couple years ago, and the trash Dustin Ackley of all other times) has a chance of being the only Dustin Ackley around. That would be swell.

• Carson Smith struck out Mike Trout on four pitches. Carson Smith is angling for a nickname… perhaps The Angler?

• Seth Smith became the first Mariner to ever get three extra-base hits in an Opening Day game. He was then pulled for Justin Ruggiano for the platoon advantage, and Ruggiano drew himself a walk. If the right-field platoon works this well all year long… well it won’t, but it would be rad if it just regular worked.

• Basically everything worked on Monday for the Mariners. The lineup looked excessively competent, the bullpen looked comparably competent, Felix Hernandez was excessively excellent. I got a new hat. It was the best.

What remains is all the rest of the baseball. The Mariners have won a bunch of Opening Days in a row because they’ve gotten to pitch Felix Hernandez in all of them. This year’s team looks like the sort that will produce enough offense to thrive with lesser men standing on the mound. Now we all bite into this season together. May it not turn to ash in our mouths.